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Some reflexions
12 years ago
I've been thinking a lot lately.
Actually I've been thinking about stuffs all the freaking time but especially lately. And for once I want to write this down.
I know I can express myself freely here because this is a place where people actually try to understand each other instead of camping on it's position.
Recently, I've had a lot on my mind because of politic. You may, or may not know that France is actually debating about opening the marriage to homosexuals.
Being gay myself, I feel directly concerned about something political for the very first time in my life. but the reason this has been bugging me is because of all the people who are against it.
There have been HUNDREDS THOUSANDS people going on STRIKES against MY RIGHTS. I mean, they are not even concerned and will NEVER BE IN ANY WAY. Every time I hear one of them speaking on TV I just want to throw up. for them, I can't raise a child properly or have the right to marry the person I love because I am not "natural." (come on !)
I don't know what are the worst feeling in here. discovering that your country is now openly expressing it's homophobia or seeing people simply hating you in your own town for being different.
or maybe it's the fact that I already knew all of this and pretended that it was not real. But there is a latent homophobia in my country, and I knew it since I started developing my sexuality.
Alright, that was for what was on my mind lately. I'm not gonna take all the political arguments (the actual ones) and tear them one by one, it has been done a thousand times.
Now let's turn toward my future. I found myself a dream that I am ready to pursue to the end : having my own comic book shop. I hear people saying that it is crazy, that developing your own market in France is a huge work, that comics are going down (lol) and that I won't make it.
But this is what I want, this is the first real decision I took in my life, I'm not going to let anyone put me down because I'll do it or die trying. I don't care if I'll have a hard time all my life. I know that my professional life is going to be hard no matter what I choose so I'd rather have a dream to keep me going.
But, there is a doubt that is planting into my head because of my current studies. I'm studying arts in a school that teaches me both theoretical and practical of art...and I suck at it.
let's be honest, this is annoying, I don't understand half the shit the teachers are saying, I'm not interested what I'm doing anymore so I let myself distracted in any way possible and it's obvious for everyone but my parents, who are the ones paying for my studies.
SO I failed the previous semester,, which means I'll have to pass it again next year OR at the end of this year knowing that I have to pass the one I already failed last year AND pass normal exam for this semester. in short, I have three fucking semester to pass in one.
The problem is obviously coming from me. I'm getting nuts about school. I want to do something that makes me feel like I actually work for my future, I just don't give a fuck about modern art, theories about aesthetic or any of that crap. I want to learn about COMICS, about how to draw one, about their history, growing a whole CULTURE.
And now we are deep down in my problem. I am a childish spoiled brat that thinks that because he wants it, he'll have it without any effort. That same brat deeply hate school. so every theoretical class is just a waste of time. I'm not going to listen because I the only motivation I have to sit down for hours is to have a computer or a video games in the hands.
Now a new semester started, the difference between this one and the previous one is that my dream became my goal. I need to validate these semesters. art is boring shit, but I have to consider this like a training to the amount of bullshit I'll have to learn if I want for complete my dream in life.
About art in general, it might seem paradoxical but art is constantly on my mind. this is the reason I hate school, if you don't talk a specific language, you will never understand. but when I am at home, when I am surfing on the internet, watching all the things artists, bloggers and furries are posting, I just feel overwhelmed by art. I see all the possibilities people can make out of the same things, all the incredible stories their works are telling, all the good and bad things reflected into a picture, a comic or a story. THIS is the kind of art I need to develop my inner artist. not all that blabbering modern shit that they are have been shoving down my brain since a year and a half.
alright, I wish I had more time to continue my ranting, but I try to be more responsible and get up in time for classes. sorry for the bothering of a long rant journal. sometimes it's good to get it out.
Actually I've been thinking about stuffs all the freaking time but especially lately. And for once I want to write this down.
I know I can express myself freely here because this is a place where people actually try to understand each other instead of camping on it's position.
Recently, I've had a lot on my mind because of politic. You may, or may not know that France is actually debating about opening the marriage to homosexuals.
Being gay myself, I feel directly concerned about something political for the very first time in my life. but the reason this has been bugging me is because of all the people who are against it.
There have been HUNDREDS THOUSANDS people going on STRIKES against MY RIGHTS. I mean, they are not even concerned and will NEVER BE IN ANY WAY. Every time I hear one of them speaking on TV I just want to throw up. for them, I can't raise a child properly or have the right to marry the person I love because I am not "natural." (come on !)
I don't know what are the worst feeling in here. discovering that your country is now openly expressing it's homophobia or seeing people simply hating you in your own town for being different.
or maybe it's the fact that I already knew all of this and pretended that it was not real. But there is a latent homophobia in my country, and I knew it since I started developing my sexuality.
Alright, that was for what was on my mind lately. I'm not gonna take all the political arguments (the actual ones) and tear them one by one, it has been done a thousand times.
Now let's turn toward my future. I found myself a dream that I am ready to pursue to the end : having my own comic book shop. I hear people saying that it is crazy, that developing your own market in France is a huge work, that comics are going down (lol) and that I won't make it.
But this is what I want, this is the first real decision I took in my life, I'm not going to let anyone put me down because I'll do it or die trying. I don't care if I'll have a hard time all my life. I know that my professional life is going to be hard no matter what I choose so I'd rather have a dream to keep me going.
But, there is a doubt that is planting into my head because of my current studies. I'm studying arts in a school that teaches me both theoretical and practical of art...and I suck at it.
let's be honest, this is annoying, I don't understand half the shit the teachers are saying, I'm not interested what I'm doing anymore so I let myself distracted in any way possible and it's obvious for everyone but my parents, who are the ones paying for my studies.
SO I failed the previous semester,, which means I'll have to pass it again next year OR at the end of this year knowing that I have to pass the one I already failed last year AND pass normal exam for this semester. in short, I have three fucking semester to pass in one.
The problem is obviously coming from me. I'm getting nuts about school. I want to do something that makes me feel like I actually work for my future, I just don't give a fuck about modern art, theories about aesthetic or any of that crap. I want to learn about COMICS, about how to draw one, about their history, growing a whole CULTURE.
And now we are deep down in my problem. I am a childish spoiled brat that thinks that because he wants it, he'll have it without any effort. That same brat deeply hate school. so every theoretical class is just a waste of time. I'm not going to listen because I the only motivation I have to sit down for hours is to have a computer or a video games in the hands.
Now a new semester started, the difference between this one and the previous one is that my dream became my goal. I need to validate these semesters. art is boring shit, but I have to consider this like a training to the amount of bullshit I'll have to learn if I want for complete my dream in life.
About art in general, it might seem paradoxical but art is constantly on my mind. this is the reason I hate school, if you don't talk a specific language, you will never understand. but when I am at home, when I am surfing on the internet, watching all the things artists, bloggers and furries are posting, I just feel overwhelmed by art. I see all the possibilities people can make out of the same things, all the incredible stories their works are telling, all the good and bad things reflected into a picture, a comic or a story. THIS is the kind of art I need to develop my inner artist. not all that blabbering modern shit that they are have been shoving down my brain since a year and a half.
alright, I wish I had more time to continue my ranting, but I try to be more responsible and get up in time for classes. sorry for the bothering of a long rant journal. sometimes it's good to get it out.
About the studies, if you can allow it, study what you really desire, and not what others say you to, that way you'll feel better, that's a fact!!
Try to reach what you really want, men I'm sure you can
I sure am going to reach what I want !
on the issue of homophobia in your country ... only tell you one thing, ignorance is bliss. So that you'll get to listen to others when they will not give anything to you? the rest do not stop you from being who you are and what you want to be, fight for it and you will get the victory (which is extremely difficult but those who did are in Paradise).
Good luck and tender hugs!
Now homophobia will slowly fade back in the shadow (read in my newest journal for a little more)
and studies are going better, so these days are getting a LOT better. :)
Je te souhaite de réussir à aller jusqu'au bout, que ça soit via l'université ou via d'autre voix puisque l'université ne mène pas forcément à tout. D'ailleurs, je serai assez étonné qu'une boutique de bd te demande une licence en art. Les formations pour savoir gérer un commerce m'auraient semblé plus pertinente. Surtout si à long terme tu veux avoir ta propre boutique.
Et en tant que geek, j'ai envie de dire "vive l'autoformation" (ok, j'ai deux licence et un master, je devrai pas dire ça )
La partie "homophobie", j'ai pas grand chose à répondre, sauf un unique point: ça part pas tout seul, il faut la combattre. Et tu peux te dire qu'avec FP et un peu Khaos Komix, t'as déjà pu aider, au moins à la combattre chez les jeunes qui le lisent car ils se posent des questions. Et sinon, si t'as envie de la combattre, je me permet de te suggérer un truc que je fais depuis un an, intervenir avec une association lgbt en lycée pour parler d'homosexualité et d'homophobie/sexisme à des secondes ou premières. (Je ne sais pas ce qu'il y a à Lyon comme association, mais je suppose qu'il doit au moins y avoir SOS-homophobie)