I don't fully understand why I feel more comfortable sharing this here with mostly strangers rather than posting it on Facebook to my friends and family. I suppose part of it is that I feel ashamed and I don't want to burden them, but that begs the question of why I would feel comfortable sharing the same information to strangers. It could be a more personal shame--the shame of not being able to survive in an adult world, of not being able to provide for myself or others. Either way, I've had enough of keeping this bottled up inside.

I'm in financial trouble. I had a feeling things wouldn't be roses and sunshine when I got out of the Army. So, I put aside money to live off of while I searched for a job and to buy some furniture, since I owned none. About six months have passed, and that money has just about dried up. Last month was a scramble to get funds into an account so I could pay my rent. This month's looking worse; I might not be able to make the electricity bill or the car payments by mid-month ($300 total). If my tax refund gets here within a week or if I can get my roommate's dues from her next paycheck before either company collects, I'll be safe for another couple of weeks. Either way, I still don't know how I'm going to make ends meet by the end of the month ($1100 total without roommate's share).

I did plenty of job searching, but everywhere I've gone I was either over- or under-qualified. Most of the companies didn't even call back or let me know they got my resume. It seemed that the only people who showed any signs of wanting me were for commission-based jobs. So now I have a half-finished real estate license that I can't finish without another $60. If I get it finished, I'll be in training for another four weeks and I won't get any income at all until my first sale.

I've looked into food stamps and food banks, but while that will feed me it won't pay the bills. I'm not eligible for unemployment or emergency assistance, mostly because I'm an "employed" single white male with no kids. I've looked into getting a second job and have sent out several applications, lowering my standards every time. Having to settle for less and not even getting that, not being able to make ends meet, being thrust into a world of poverty I've never seen and don't know how to survive, and having impending dues and no means to pay them... these have rendered me incredibly depressed, and they've paralyzed me. I've become a hermit--not that I have many friends in this town.

I'm not asking for much. While money's the big thing I need right now, I wouldn't ask anyone for that. While commissions are open as they were before, I'm not pushing for those--nobody seems to want one from me anyway. I don't need pity per se, but a hug would be really good right about now. Prayers can always help, if you're so inclined. i guess what I need the most is to know that it'll get better.