I don't post comments here anyomre but in this case I will. Please please see a new Dr ASAP! Get new meds and get the depression under control! I miss you, miss your art, miss your input, miss your joy! Please remember there are alot of people who love you and worry about you!

i will make an appointment when i am sure i can get a ride since a lot of doctors have this 2 strikes policy on missing them. i was promised a ride to the grocery store today and then told nope they forgot something else was going on. so yeah my confidence in getting to a doctor i have never been too is pretty fucking damn low.

I guess your town doesn't have Rabbit Transit or anything like that for local people who are disabled etc?

Ellwood city is on the border of both Lawrence and Beaver county. I live on the County Line itself. the garage is ten feet from the border. and that ten feet is the driveway and sidewalk. if i can be foisted off on either county they will try to. i gave up that fight ages ago. i really cannot deal with this shit anymore. I am so broken from being turned away and problems and broken promises and run around i have found it hard to even make phone calls to people i like let alone phone calls i need to make which often end in just more disappointment. and as has been pointed out to me my sense of self worth should keep me fighting. but i really do not have a sense of self worth anymore. only that i am a burden to all around me. I need help but am terrified to get it. i am terrified to ask fro help in anything anymore because i do not think i can take one more no or one more well now you have to wait longer. for way to long my life has been hurry up and wait. YOU MUST GET THIS DONE NOW! and now that you have done that wait 6 months... I got my new insurance card. like the fifth one now. but i have not called cause i am worried i will not get a ride and a lot of the doctors as i have said have little patients for calling off or not showing up and with the new insurance i have no idea if i have a co pay or not. the paper work is sop damn vauge it is not even funny with literally using terms like You may or may not be covered for this. We made this change to your coverage which may or may not affect you.... as it is the new doctor is I assume in Chippewa. but i have no idea where in Chippewa since it is a big places and is now dotted all over with clinics and such. and i am also terrified of what they are going to do to me for not seeing a doctor for so long. i know the ER doctor was less than nice about it and with them knowing my syringe fear and why i have it the doctor kept asking for more and more blood and do this and that. i was in there for hours upon hours so panicked i was hyperventilating.

i really just cannot take it anymore.

I'm so sorry. I didn't know this would be such trouble for you. For me, posting something is as simple as tossing it to Garry, our general store owner and postie. Dying from lack of info though. Today I took my first shower in almost two months.

I will get you your stuff. i think i may have a ride tomorrow.

and wow General stores and post offices in the same building. that is so damn awesome. i miss those days here. general stores almost no longer exist around here anymore. Convenience stores have all but replaced them. and other than that it is usually HUGE stores around like walmart doing almost all the selling. there are a few grocery stores and dollar stores around luckily cause walking an entire walmart is insane.

when i lived in lower ohio there was an awesome place we would occasionally go to that was the Post office. the local church, a fabric store, and the general store all in one white building. it was pretty amazing to go to.


and why so long for a shower. i know during the cold months when i go no where i can go a week or so without one.