It really has. I pretty much receded into myself for a while. Found solace in the bottle and such.
Today was a very hard day for me. I sat down, and I read so many old messages. So many old emails, one by one.
Re-lived each and every moment, and deleted them one by one. It was heartbreaking to say the least. Re-living all of my mistakes and fuck ups.

It's the moments like that when you realize how fucked up you are. Just how broken you've become. The things that were thrown away for petty reasons.

And it's soul-crushing. Looking back on everything I had.

Everything I lost. All things I can never have back.

I don't know what to say. I don't know if I can really say anything at this point.

It's just...

I'm sorry. So fucking sorry.

And I hope the people that need to see this do. I hope they can see this, and realize this isn't some trivial apology.

This is me, down on my knees, grovelling in the dirt. Begging for forgiveness I most likely don't even deserve.

But all I want them to know is that I'm sorry.