So it's been a while, my life is different than it was the last time I updated with anything significant.
First of all, last FCN my entire bag of badges went missing. Along with all my swag that I got from being a super sponsor, and all of my badges and my ref sheets. If anyone has seen these, and maybe has them somewhere please let me know.

Secondly, I am single. Ren and I broke up in September. It sucks, but it happened. We're still friends though, and we see each other sometimes. I'm still trying to deal with it personally. It really does hurt my heart. I did love him so much, but it will be okay one day. I'll get over it eventually. I'm still trying, was kind of hoping that I'd be over it by the time I got around to posting a journal. I'm not though, we were together almost four years and I was hoping that we would be together forever. But things happen I guess, people fall out of love and if both people don't want the same thing, then it's not going to work.

Right now, I've been feeling lonely. I haven't been single in a long time, and frankly I don't like it. It's been about five months since it happened and I still feel bad. I feel that I will never find anyone to love again, I've tried going out with my friends, having a good time but it hurts to know that he has moved on, and here I am, alone. I feel ugly and horrible sometimes and I don't know what to do with myself. I feel that I am used up, I feel old and I fear that I will be alone forever.

That's really it, that's where my life is and where my mind is. I'm all sorts of fucked up. :(