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Tenses
12 years ago
Wow... I just when through each of my works and discovered I have a serious adversion to using the simple verb 'is' and end up using the incorrect tense "was' in its place. This is why constructive criticism is welcome as it took me nearly a month to finally spot it lol.
If anybody knows any other flaws in my writing they'd like to point out, please don't hesitate to share. I want to grow as a writer! Even if I only do this as a hobby and produce mostly smut pieces lol.
If anybody knows any other flaws in my writing they'd like to point out, please don't hesitate to share. I want to grow as a writer! Even if I only do this as a hobby and produce mostly smut pieces lol.
Yeah, there goes about half of all furry porn right there, but still. The things I listed deflate my sails faster than anything else, even the threat of getting neutered doesn't do it that fast. Not to mention the fact that looking at anything to do with those tend to make me sick to my stomach, even though drinking two bottles of hot sauce in rapid succession doesn't make me feel ill.
Ex: “ “Anger… frustration… strain…” Faron grunts while he still tries to draw energy from the very earth as Templars are able to do. Trace runs his finger over the paper of his notebook, every word Faron is saying and every action being perfectly recorded in the Templars very handwriting.”
“ “Anger… frustration… strain…” Faron grunted while he still tried to draw energy from the very earth as Templars are able to do. Trace ran his finger over the paper of his notebook, every word Faron said and every action being perfectly recorded in the Templars very handwriting.”
past tense creates an allusion of happening for the audience through a reflective brain translation process known as inflection.
Also what you have here and through your works is rhetorical redundancy.
Faron grunted while he still tried to draw energy from the very earth as Templars are able to do (show us, don’t tell us, this lets the audience learn through the rest of the work(As a fanficiton the fan’s will already know)). Trace ran his finger over the paper of his notebook, every word Faron said and every action being perfectly recorded in the Templars very handwriting (Trace is writing, we don’t need to know that it is in his handwriting)
You run a lot on dialogue. It is thick description that builds characterization and scene and lots of it. To see a picture we need what is in the picture, the small things that build it up.
Think about what the audience needs to see, how their going to see it and how your'e going to show it.
Good luck with the rest, like tears in the rain.