Journal # 11

I have posted this on my Facebook and sent it out to most my furiends in a text and now posting it here.

To any of my friends that is getting this text, I wanted to tell you something that only a hand full of people know about me untill today. Five years ago something happened to me. Something to this day still hurts me. Five years ago I was rape. The guy who rape me was a old friend from middle. I had him came over to visit and hang out for a few days. At that time I know he was bi. It was late the first night be was over and we wanted to cuddle. I put a movie, and we cuddle naked on my bed. I was in his arms, nuzzling back into. About 30 min into the movie I start falling asleep like I normally do when I cuddle with guys. I am not sure how much time went by but next thing I know I was waken up by him pushing his penis into my butt. There was nothing I could do, he was the same size as me. I was crying the hole time. When he was done with me all I could do was cry and told him to get out. To this day I can't talk about sex of any kind, can't do it, can't think about sex. There are time were I can't even handly cuddling. I love cuddling but most guys I have cuddle with want sex out of it.