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Regarding fursuits, gender identity, and sexual harassment
13 years ago
General
At FWA I was given the rare privilege of fursuiting. I had suited before in a partial suit the previous year and occasionally was mistaken for the cis male suit owner, which is to be totally expected. This was absolutely no problem, and if my pantomiming did not work to inform the other person(s) that I was not this suit owner, I would discreetly verbalize this. Usually, especially when in costume, I don't really care what gender I am regarded to be, whether it be male or female, when in reality, I am gender neutral. I aspire to be as androgynous as possible as this is what makes me the most physically comfortable in my own skin, and this best reflects the gender I know I am and feel in my head and my heart. I go by neutral pronouns. I shy away from overt femininity or masculinity. This is just who I am. But when I am pretending to be a dog, I am not focusing on what someone thinks I am. I'm just a dog. And gender identity and its issues aren't quite what I'm wanting to discuss here.
Fullsuiting this year was amazing. It was great to learn about fursuits and their care, and to learn how to effectively perform at long intervals in such a costume. I would never trade the experience for anything - it was beyond compare, and I cannot thank my friend enough for that opportunity. However, there was a lot of disrespectful attention towards my gender and physical sex while I was in suit, and I feel it is important enough to bare mentioning and pointing out so that others who experienced this may have a forum for their voice, and to provide awareness that this is happening.
Granted, it's not too malicious a question - 'are you a boy or a girl?' And I really won't touch on that deeply. I get it, you want to know because you're curious. In my position, you don't need to know. I'm a dog right now and I don't speak people. While in suit, I do not speak, and thus, I will not answer this question. The character I was suiting as was male, the person inside identifies as neutral, and they were born female bodied. That's pretty complicated to explain for such short casual interactions that normally occur while in suit. Much easier to bark or pantomime something unrelated. This, personally, is not problematic for me, but I know that for many, this can be problematic.
The less than okay behavior begins when they are intent on knowing and immediately grasp at your chest. A few times were accidental. Several separate instances occurred throughout the weekend, multiple times a day, when someone decided to intentionally grab my breasts to check if I were male or female while asking aloud what I was. This completely floored me. I'm trying to have fun and pretend I'm a dog, not be felt up. A few times, folks tried to pet the doggy and would grab while petting. Some jerked their hands back immediately, apologizing. Some did not. This not only happened to me but to other female suiters I was hanging out with.
Bottom line. Please don't grope fursuiters. Even if the suiter is usually male, do us trans*folk and cis women a favor and just pet the back or the head instead of the chest. If you ask about gender and you aren't told, leave it alone (or speak up and ask again, foam is hard to hear through!). Never ever touch a suiter on the chest. It's really inappropriate. We're all here to have fun and bring a smile to your day - please do not make us uncomfortable and sad by inappropriately touching us.
In the end, I'm a dog. What's gender? I'm a dog. Woof.
The sex/gender of the suiter is unimportant - the acting and bringing a character to life is!!
/endrant
aaahh but like I really did have an amazing time at the con and I didn't let any of this ruin it for me!! I just really feel like it needed mentioning because it happened! Like I said, I wouldn't trade any of my experience for anything! I just want some awareness so hopefully no one else receives unwanted groping.
Fullsuiting this year was amazing. It was great to learn about fursuits and their care, and to learn how to effectively perform at long intervals in such a costume. I would never trade the experience for anything - it was beyond compare, and I cannot thank my friend enough for that opportunity. However, there was a lot of disrespectful attention towards my gender and physical sex while I was in suit, and I feel it is important enough to bare mentioning and pointing out so that others who experienced this may have a forum for their voice, and to provide awareness that this is happening.
Granted, it's not too malicious a question - 'are you a boy or a girl?' And I really won't touch on that deeply. I get it, you want to know because you're curious. In my position, you don't need to know. I'm a dog right now and I don't speak people. While in suit, I do not speak, and thus, I will not answer this question. The character I was suiting as was male, the person inside identifies as neutral, and they were born female bodied. That's pretty complicated to explain for such short casual interactions that normally occur while in suit. Much easier to bark or pantomime something unrelated. This, personally, is not problematic for me, but I know that for many, this can be problematic.
The less than okay behavior begins when they are intent on knowing and immediately grasp at your chest. A few times were accidental. Several separate instances occurred throughout the weekend, multiple times a day, when someone decided to intentionally grab my breasts to check if I were male or female while asking aloud what I was. This completely floored me. I'm trying to have fun and pretend I'm a dog, not be felt up. A few times, folks tried to pet the doggy and would grab while petting. Some jerked their hands back immediately, apologizing. Some did not. This not only happened to me but to other female suiters I was hanging out with.
Bottom line. Please don't grope fursuiters. Even if the suiter is usually male, do us trans*folk and cis women a favor and just pet the back or the head instead of the chest. If you ask about gender and you aren't told, leave it alone (or speak up and ask again, foam is hard to hear through!). Never ever touch a suiter on the chest. It's really inappropriate. We're all here to have fun and bring a smile to your day - please do not make us uncomfortable and sad by inappropriately touching us.
In the end, I'm a dog. What's gender? I'm a dog. Woof.
The sex/gender of the suiter is unimportant - the acting and bringing a character to life is!!
/endrant
aaahh but like I really did have an amazing time at the con and I didn't let any of this ruin it for me!! I just really feel like it needed mentioning because it happened! Like I said, I wouldn't trade any of my experience for anything! I just want some awareness so hopefully no one else receives unwanted groping.
I have never experienced this before until this con. But I'm sure it's not just a fullsuit thing, because friends in partials experienced this as well. I'm not sure if it's just.. people aren't thinking or if they know full well what they are doing and are hoping to cop a lucky feel. Like these were intent GRABS, not like a pat the chest to find something
I have had my ass groped several times at cons in street clothes + tail because people just really want to 'see my tail.' Which would make sense if the hand was grabbing for the tail and hit my butt by mistake rather than cupping my butt cheek.
The one time someone grabbed my chest and was like "Yeah, that's not EP." wtf dude.
Sorry it happened~ DDDD:
I'm sorry it happened to you! bah!
So yeah, people need to learn to treat anyone inside the fursuit with respect. The fursuit and the con environment doesn't give anyone the excuse to act out such behavior.
Don't let these instances discourage you from fursuiting..as it's still awesomely fun! I would simply walk away if someone creeps me out, as I've gotten my share of it. I have even done the "No, don't do that" gesture to others. I have also experienced groping a few times from non-furs, like random hotel guests. Gotta watch out for the horny or drunk ones and steer clear of them if you don't feel like handling that situation :p
I was surprised and confused each time it happened cause I'm just bouncing around being a barky puppy haha! And as you said, none of the characters have traits that would encourage that type of reaction. And yes, ahh that would be horrible if it happened in front of non furs! I don't think it did, which is good. It usually happened with other suiters, and the 'accidental' ones usually happened with those outside of suit just trying to interact and play with the doggy. I didn't know if this was a common thing or not, which was why I was hesitant to post anything about it in the first place, but after hearing about things from several folks in the headless lounge, seeing it happen to Sars and others I was hanging with, and hearing from others here on FA, I'm glad I did, as this is an obvious problem.
It's very interesting that most furs know to treat the fursuit itself with respect due to the costs and labor making it - don't run up to it and yank the tails, don't trip them, don't pull the heads off, don't snap photos with the heads off, etc. But somehow that respect stops at the faux fur and doesn't continue on to the person with feelings and life experiences inside that costume. Many, like me, have experienced sexual harassment and assault in their lives outside of fursuit, and to be groped while they are in that little world you enter while in costume is very disheartening and it could be incredibly horrific to someone. I think, above all else, that's my main worry - the undesired groping could be really triggering and I have many friends who would be extremely triggered from such events. I have several non furry friends who want to try suiting sometime, and I know that if a random stranger groped them just because they were in fursuit, well.. I have a feeling they'd politely decline fursuiting again.
But despite all that, yes, fursuiting is amazing and is something I feel very passionate about! It's amazing and almost everyone around you can feel that magic you're exuding. Walking away is definitely something I did and will continue to do, and I will remember to gesture that next time (or outright break character and tell them 'no, stop'). I was so shocked that I had no idea what to do other than back away. And yikes. Drunk horny non fur hotel guests haha. I fortunately did NOT run into that lot at the con.
Thank you for the encouragement! I will continue to suit because I love it and it's amazing and aaaaaah!! Hopefully people will learn that this isn't okay and that they can have just as much fun with the suiter without trying to figure out what's between their legs!
Also, if the suiter is tiny, never pick them up by the chest. If you ask and they say ok, go for the waist area. Of course, fucking ask first. WHY IS ASKING ANYTHING SO HARD FOR PEOPLE.
And yeah D: that especially. I always ask for hugs from suiters and I never ever pick them up unless they are my friends and we know it'd be okay to do because of how well we know each other. Picking up by anything other than the waist is actually kinda painful, and it could hurt the suit, and it can be very awkward and uncomfortable for the suiter.
I guess etiquette goes out the window if you're inside a costume :<