FA+
Shop
A cry for help
12 years ago
Okay. Um. I posted before that I need out of my current situation. I’m not sure that I made it clear how important it is. Anyone who sees this, please, PLEASE signal boost if you can’t help directly. Because I am dying. Not physically, emotionally. I am standing at the precipice of final despair, and resisting being pushed toward it. I believe that I will kill myself if things continue this way.
I live in a place where I am trapped and have very little freedom. I feel completely powerless over my life. I don’t have possessions of my own, even my computer is not my own, as I recently found out. I am being taken care of, given food, and a lot of time and effort is being expended on me. However, my lack of freedom, the lack of ANYTHING of my own, and my continued restricted access to the internet and thus to my friends is causing me severe problems.
This has been an ongoing issue. It is a chronic stressor that is fueling my anxiety and depression. I have spoken with my counselor and the people I am living with about my problems and received no satisfactory changes. I know that my pain is not entirely rational. I know that I am emotionally unstable, extremely vulnerable, and do not control myself well. I KNOW I have many faults. But my specific psychology is making it so that I am slowly dying here.
This issue has exploded more than once. It has exploded many times. Each time, I feel worse and worse. Several months ago I was worried about BECOMING suicidal. Now, I am having more suicidal ideations than I’ve ever had before. I have no personal will to live and I am ONLY clinging on for my friends. Without them, I would die.
I am highly unskilled in life and in jobs and in whatever. If I go out on my own I will lose medical insurance, schooling, everything I have. Walking out blindly is asking for disaster. But staying here, judging by how it has gone, will be even worse. Never mind that due to certain reasons, I would need to go to court to go out on my own, and I do not have
Please. Help me. I need DRASTIC change if I’m even going to survive. If things go wrong again, I do believe it will push me over the edge. I’m not just asking for help. I’m asking for someone to save me, because I am dying. Everyone with any ideas, ANYTHING to give, please give them. Even if you don’t, spread the word, ask for help.
My life is in the balance. I’m trying to find something, but I need to ask for help as well. I do not know what to do.
I live in a place where I am trapped and have very little freedom. I feel completely powerless over my life. I don’t have possessions of my own, even my computer is not my own, as I recently found out. I am being taken care of, given food, and a lot of time and effort is being expended on me. However, my lack of freedom, the lack of ANYTHING of my own, and my continued restricted access to the internet and thus to my friends is causing me severe problems.
This has been an ongoing issue. It is a chronic stressor that is fueling my anxiety and depression. I have spoken with my counselor and the people I am living with about my problems and received no satisfactory changes. I know that my pain is not entirely rational. I know that I am emotionally unstable, extremely vulnerable, and do not control myself well. I KNOW I have many faults. But my specific psychology is making it so that I am slowly dying here.
This issue has exploded more than once. It has exploded many times. Each time, I feel worse and worse. Several months ago I was worried about BECOMING suicidal. Now, I am having more suicidal ideations than I’ve ever had before. I have no personal will to live and I am ONLY clinging on for my friends. Without them, I would die.
I am highly unskilled in life and in jobs and in whatever. If I go out on my own I will lose medical insurance, schooling, everything I have. Walking out blindly is asking for disaster. But staying here, judging by how it has gone, will be even worse. Never mind that due to certain reasons, I would need to go to court to go out on my own, and I do not have
Please. Help me. I need DRASTIC change if I’m even going to survive. If things go wrong again, I do believe it will push me over the edge. I’m not just asking for help. I’m asking for someone to save me, because I am dying. Everyone with any ideas, ANYTHING to give, please give them. Even if you don’t, spread the word, ask for help.
My life is in the balance. I’m trying to find something, but I need to ask for help as well. I do not know what to do.
Or at least try. Because I've been told that I'm not great with words.
Judging from what I see, I can feel your pain. For example, this past summer, I had sufficient Internet access to become active within the furry fandom. I made many friends, many Internet friends that I needed to fill the growing IRL void of both family and friends. And I was happy. But then, my parents found out that I'm a gay furry, so they basically stripped me of everything. Internet access, especially. Even today, I'm forced to sneak access to my friends online... And I've been getting better at it.
Even though this might not match up to your particular situation, just try your hardest to keep in touch with your friends, be them IRL or online. Because I'm sure that they will be here for you, when your family isn't.
Also, when you say you don't have any marketable job skills, just practice them. Keep a fake checkbook. Learn Windows Office. Offer help in the neighborhood. Things like this might send a good message to potential employers. And from there, you might get a financial foothold to get out of the negative situation you are in.
And finally, always at least try to remember that your life has value. You've made positive impacts on the lives of my friends, and by extension, me as well. We are all interconnected, no matter how disconnected we may feel. And believe me, the disconnection I feel from the world at large, is incredibly painful for me to deal with. You are valuable. You are worthy of living.
Also, this might not be totally applicable to you, but still. I'm here to talk if you want.
But seriously, the figurative light bulb has been lit, and I sincerely wish to help.