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The fire still burrrrrns
17 years ago
General
I know a lot of people had hopes of getting this pic submitted helping me settle down a bit. Hoping it would ease the pain of getting my opinion out and on DA getting a lot of hits. If nothing else it stoked the fires inside. I get more angry.
Here's the story. You all know two things about me. I'm a mechanic and a fighter. The two traits that make this an issue with me is from the mechanic side. Something isn't right, it isn't as it should be. Therefore as a mechanic it is my duty to fix it. As a fighter throwing in the towel and giving up isn't something I do as easily as some would accuse.
That's part of why I wanted to get banned from here so badly. There will be no moving on, settling down, or any of that because as long as I am here and I go online and see artwork that bugs me so much I will be haunted. Fact is I'll be haunted and bugged until my final breath, and even well beyond that.
Thing is there isn't anything else I can do to support my cause. The view of the sport is broken. I want to fix it. I don't have the tools to fix it. So I have to suffer with it.
I come on, now and then, and search up boxing. I always see pics that just seem to grate on me. They always will. It will never go away and it is a fight I cannot win. I stand alone in this battle. No one will jump in and help. So, like this one, http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1511488/
So I wonder if my "Block and runner" is going to unblock me so they can yell at me then block me? For a fight fan they're sure spineless.
"I'm sick of all these people talkin' out their heads. I never understood a damn thing that they said. From words to actions never knowing what they're about. I guess I'll have to chew 'em up and spit them out. I say... I walked for miles inside this pit of danger. I've swallowed down a thousand years of anger. The weight of the world is fallin' on my shoulders. A place where no one follows me, I walk alone."
Here's the story. You all know two things about me. I'm a mechanic and a fighter. The two traits that make this an issue with me is from the mechanic side. Something isn't right, it isn't as it should be. Therefore as a mechanic it is my duty to fix it. As a fighter throwing in the towel and giving up isn't something I do as easily as some would accuse.
That's part of why I wanted to get banned from here so badly. There will be no moving on, settling down, or any of that because as long as I am here and I go online and see artwork that bugs me so much I will be haunted. Fact is I'll be haunted and bugged until my final breath, and even well beyond that.
Thing is there isn't anything else I can do to support my cause. The view of the sport is broken. I want to fix it. I don't have the tools to fix it. So I have to suffer with it.
I come on, now and then, and search up boxing. I always see pics that just seem to grate on me. They always will. It will never go away and it is a fight I cannot win. I stand alone in this battle. No one will jump in and help. So, like this one, http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1511488/
So I wonder if my "Block and runner" is going to unblock me so they can yell at me then block me? For a fight fan they're sure spineless.
"I'm sick of all these people talkin' out their heads. I never understood a damn thing that they said. From words to actions never knowing what they're about. I guess I'll have to chew 'em up and spit them out. I say... I walked for miles inside this pit of danger. I've swallowed down a thousand years of anger. The weight of the world is fallin' on my shoulders. A place where no one follows me, I walk alone."
I am curious, though; if there was a way for you to maintain the fire with all its passion yet lose the anger associated with it, would you take it?
This isn't a trick question or anything, I'm just curious of your thoughts :)
Honestly I'd love to post a journal shouting how it is, but people are pissed enough as it is because I'm not a 24/7 happy fluffy yiff fest. It would all fall on deaf ears and it'd be so graphic in the description odds are someone would be offended and sue.
But control is a good thing to desire out of something like that. Resources are always hard to come by when it seems like you've exhausted every last option. Me, I always look to the heavens and pray when things like that happen; I remember a proverb saying to cast all your cares on God since He cares about you. And I don't mean to be preachy or anything, I'm no biblical scholar, but I've personally found a lot of relief in turning to Jesus with my own worries. A calm mind is usually a lot more focused. Perhaps there's spiritual help for your ails; I remember your uncle being a shaman, after all, and I can always offer whatever help I can :)
My uncle being a shaman is true, but if I ran across him I don't think I'd be seeking spiritual guidance... I'd be seeking to put him on a permanent spirit walk. He's done something pretty despicable. My aunt had cancer, malignant melanoma. She's still alive, but very sick still. That was when he chose to let her know he was fooling around with another woman and left her there alone to live with the kimo. She is disfigured, they had to cut most of her jaw out, yet he's still living with that other woman. I'm pretty sure I'd know what he'd say. Smudge the house, seek introspection, and take a break from it all. Problem is while my anger branches from my failures as a writer and character ddesigner the roots below the surface are worldwide. Everything I worked for, the character design, the stories, the commissions, all that had one thing very solid and up front in common, that was bringing a positive glory to things, first and foremost the sport. Every time I look on here or DA all I see is Laine, Green Legend, K.O. and so on. Hardly anything showing respect and honor for the sport that inspired all of that sexual deviancy. One of us has to go, since I'm the only one wanting to do something about it... it's going to have to be me.
I just can't actually DO anything with it. Odds are there won't be any more pics, unless Steve does them for me.
Terrie Smith has a commission due to me, but I don't expect anything from that soon, she's been having a very bad time, things just keep happening to the poor gal and her family. I'm not at all bitter about that, I know things have been rough.
Max Blackrabbit CLAIMS he's going to do me a new Sierra pic. I've given him the chance to make it right after never getting me the commission I paid for.
I can't believe I forgot that about your uncle, I'm sorry man...
I am curious about what you mean in the first sentence there; I'm not sure I follow :)
It's like our characters when we write. Each character is a facet of ourselves, a different view of the same soul. Each and every one of us is the same thing, I believe. Every bit of us is a best and worst case bit of God himself. I believe he's a lot more human than we're willing to give credit. He loves the way we can, he can also grow weary as we can. I don't want to be part of the problem. He knows what I want, and what I hope. If it suits him he'll give me what I need. If I do not get it, then there must be a reason. God answers everyone's prayers. Sometimes the answer is just "no." But it doesn't mean I have to LIKE the answer, just respect it.
About my uncle being on a permanent spirit walk, a spirit walk is a dream, when you sleep and you dream you're spirit is wandering. I'd be sorely tempted to strangle him until his spirit wants to leave his body. Naturally, I wouldn't, but I still might clobber him until he rethinks his moral code.
Because of the dishonor he has brought Tom Perkins, sort of the Colorado elder, wants to relieve him of some very sacred artifacts. Imagine if you want to church and they gave your dad a 300 year old Bible, some original parchments, and hitorically significant religious items. Then (just as an example) imagine your dad does something that ticks off the church so bad they begin looking for him to take it all back. Being entrusted with those things is a high honor.
Heck.
They even made a movie recently telling some history of one my uncles items. Sort of. the legend behind it and others like it.
You bring up some truisms about God; He's not some celestial genie to serve one's every wish, and I believe that through Jesus He experienced plenty of periods of weariness. I also agree that things happen for a reason. I'm not so sure you'd be "part of a problem", by pouring out your heart in prayer, though :) He's certainly big enough to understand the ails of human beings and even prayer itself can be a form of therapeutic help.