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Social Animosity?
12 years ago
Its been a good few years since I got my red scaled butt back in the social saddle as it were, mind you I am far from a noobie when it comes to the furry social scene. None the less there is one thing that endlessly perplexes me even though I somewhat "get it".. and that's Species based social cliques.... namely Dragons.
It may sound very... hell incredibly ironic coming from the mouth of a dragon to talk about being cliquey antisocial... fuck WE are some of the worst offenders in this fandom for doing that.. But I can't help but want to talk about it after these past couple of years of pushing myself out there and being more social all across the board. A side of me I must confess to is my very stereotypical dragon nature, I like the concept, the idea of being with my own and having a group of other dragons that I could truly talk to and be good friends with... A very "family" feeling group as it were, the funny thing how ever is that when it comes to me just being myself and being out there in the furry fandom, I have gained so many wonderful new friends, people who are incredibly social and intellectual, people I just could not stop talking with even if I tried.. It feels like I almost effortlessly made some of the best friends I have ever had in my life by just being out there and open.
The flip side of this being that always when I see what I believe to be a social and interesting dragon and try and be social in the same regard, they most always are rather dismissive, they will say hi or chat a little, but they never seem to have that same social mentality.. I find it bizarre. In a way I feel as if I missed some imaginary boat or I do not mesh with that particular social clique despite being rather similar to many of them.. In fact many I meet have that old-ways animosity towards the furry fandom and like to be separate while somehow being a part of it.
Perhaps I am reading too much into this or perhaps I am onto a little something here... But I find it odd how a dragon-centric, openly spiritual and chatty dragon can walk right into a group of mostly your average and more mature furs, hit things off almost instantly just by being talkative and open minded and even be out there with his spirituality around others who don't share that same outlook.. But then trying to actually even talk to one of his own, others who share all those things in common with him... can be rather clique and closed off and even a bit unwelcoming as if to say "my circle of friends is complete, I don't need to talk to anyone else." Even if that means a local dragon just trying to be friendly and meet others like himself.
I would really like to hear others opinions on that strange social clique nature.
It may sound very... hell incredibly ironic coming from the mouth of a dragon to talk about being cliquey antisocial... fuck WE are some of the worst offenders in this fandom for doing that.. But I can't help but want to talk about it after these past couple of years of pushing myself out there and being more social all across the board. A side of me I must confess to is my very stereotypical dragon nature, I like the concept, the idea of being with my own and having a group of other dragons that I could truly talk to and be good friends with... A very "family" feeling group as it were, the funny thing how ever is that when it comes to me just being myself and being out there in the furry fandom, I have gained so many wonderful new friends, people who are incredibly social and intellectual, people I just could not stop talking with even if I tried.. It feels like I almost effortlessly made some of the best friends I have ever had in my life by just being out there and open.
The flip side of this being that always when I see what I believe to be a social and interesting dragon and try and be social in the same regard, they most always are rather dismissive, they will say hi or chat a little, but they never seem to have that same social mentality.. I find it bizarre. In a way I feel as if I missed some imaginary boat or I do not mesh with that particular social clique despite being rather similar to many of them.. In fact many I meet have that old-ways animosity towards the furry fandom and like to be separate while somehow being a part of it.
Perhaps I am reading too much into this or perhaps I am onto a little something here... But I find it odd how a dragon-centric, openly spiritual and chatty dragon can walk right into a group of mostly your average and more mature furs, hit things off almost instantly just by being talkative and open minded and even be out there with his spirituality around others who don't share that same outlook.. But then trying to actually even talk to one of his own, others who share all those things in common with him... can be rather clique and closed off and even a bit unwelcoming as if to say "my circle of friends is complete, I don't need to talk to anyone else." Even if that means a local dragon just trying to be friendly and meet others like himself.
I would really like to hear others opinions on that strange social clique nature.
There's plenty of overlap between those groups, but consider the case where a dragon exclusively considers him/herself as either furry or otherkin, but not both. In that case, I think you'll find the furry-identifying dragons are more fun and social on average.
In the case of otherkin, the draconic identity is directly related to their spiritual beliefs. So in relating to other dragons, that can force a more serious and cautious nature. In the case of furries, no such "higher" beliefs tend to be directly tied to draconic identity, including in the case of furry-identifying dragons.
Ultimately I am a little saddened by the fact that so many people are black and white on the spectrum and want it that way, I wish I could find more..."hybrid" mentalities like myself? (I don't wanna use that term to glorify or martyr myself in any way, shape or form, I just mean someone who is spiritual yet very open and social) My draconic identity is something I just don't see changing about myself unless its just learning something new and expanding my view of things. But furry has also changed my mentality and made me rather social and free spirited as well, and that's also something I wouldn't want to change about myself.
Though I guess the answer is right in front of me, obvious but still something I don't want to accept because it sounds so incredibly stupid. I suppose I am more well received with furs cause I am not all uptight about who I am, nor do I refuse to talk to people just because they are not dragons. But for that very same reason I don't have an easy time with other dragons because I am not all serious and come off as something of "impure" by who I socialize with.
I know of several (20-30) people that I see regularly at fur-meets, bowling, dinners, etc, who have identified themselves to me as therians or otherkin, but usually only after it became a topic of conversation in the company of friends. These people are as down-to-earth and amicable as any other socialite I've met, and yet they'll openly admit to sharing some of the same spiritual beliefs as one of the most reclusive subcultures in the community.
I've said for ages: I believe majority of our kind pick dragons because a dragon is most commonly painted as strong, powerful, intelligent, and shrouded in majesty and mystery - while that person is typically the opposite of all those things. They want to be something they've never been. So you've got all these folks who've identified with a dragon persona as a fantastic pipe-dream that mingle amongst each other, and when others with dissimilar traits attempt to mingle with them, they shut them out because it isn't a part of their narcissistic fantasy.
It seems the ones who typically off-the-bat want to let everyone know that their character happens to be a winged scaly are the most shut-out from socializing with new people, while the ones who tend to not give a shit about the advertising are the people you typically find socially attractive.
Come to think of it, I have seen that same thing, not on as wide a scale as you, but I have seen it happen where someone will bring up the subject and the odd person will say how they are Otherkin or Therian just outta the blue. You are right though, it always seems to be the must unsuspecting people in that regard as well, I guess many are afraid that if they put that out there they will be seen as one of those preaching egocentric types. Its unfortunate but I can see why, even I have done that more times than not. Only a few very close friends have ever heard anything in depth about me in that regard and mainly because I got that vibe off of them or have talked to them enough to know that they would be the kind of people who are either intrigued by it on a social level or that they themselves have their own form of spirituality and would just like to see someone else's outlook.
Haha the funny thing about that second part there is how horribly guilty I am of it myself, at least the advertising. I wont outright go to any fur meet and go "hay gize ima dragon!" I just leave that to people hearing my name or seeing my badge. But online is really where I do like to play that up on skype and personal chats just cause its fun. I do see what you mean though, there is a "try hard" mentality out there with some people that just pushes everyone away.
true, in my experience. I wish I had know this much younger.
Maybe you're looking at this wrong. Dragons in many legends are territorial and solitary. They claim entire kingdoms for their own, hoard gold, and hide away in caves like hermits. The approach of another dragon at any other time than their once-in-a-4000-year-eclipse mateing season is an intrusion to be met with epic fire-breathing battle. (probalby why their numbers are in decline and most dragons are gay) The others are just living up to that image.
Dragons tend to have high opinions of themselves, and will pick a small "clan of secrecy" to share everything with, and not risk getting close to outsiders or others that they do not know or may be out to do harm (rather physical, emotional or financial). Most of the stories you read about dragons, many reside out in the boondox around caves and lakes where noone hardly ventures. Of course, given the troubles of cities and their annoyances that go along with it, I can't say I'd blame anyone for seeking a quieter serenity to life. I guess the secret is to find dragons you can have things in common with, and if there is too much political BS going on among particular ones or groups of them, they probably are not the sort of dragons that you really want to call friend anyway. Dragons can be some of the most affectionate and lovable, but at the same time, they can be the most conniving and evil as well. One thing about most of our kind... there aren't a terribly many standing on middle ground, most are deeply involved with whatever it is they are involved in, or who they are involved with... whether those things are of good or bad influence.
The older I get, the less I feel like bothering trying to put forth the great effort it takes just to try to make friends, because it is all-too-often futile or just otherwise leads to disappointments. Thusly, I may be a bad one to ask about such things... but... consider that my 2¢ worth (well... 5¢ worth where you come from).