A world. It would be a fantasy-ish world with humans, furries, orcs, elves, dragons etc, living in that world. It would be a lot bigger than our planet so that it holds more mysteries and landscapes. There would be beautiful terrains and some things that can't exist here like floating island. There would be more types of tress, plants and animals. There would of course also be magic. Bref, a typical fantasy world with a bit of a unique touch. Who would I take... I would take my mate/loved whatever you want to call it. If I did not meet anyone, then I would go alone.

Yay! After over a year of having this journal up, I finally get a response! XD

I've thought about this before, and after thinking about it in the back of my mind for months now, I've decided on this:

There is a world that exists in my head, and it's full of possibilities. Generally, whatever could be true in our world could be true in that world, and within that world I hold my daydreams. All of my memories, both the good and the bad, replay themselves there in various parts of the land and I feel I go there every time I have another daydream.

At the same time, there is a lot of impossibilities that exist within it too; most of the population are furries, but there's also humans and dragons on occasion, based on the memory or imagination. Things that cannot happen in our world can and do happen there.

The furries that do exist there are the little creatures that inhabit my mind and sort of "speak" with me on an almost daily basis through my daydreams and imaginings.
It's rather complicated, and I'd rather explain it all later, but I call these creatures the Consciences, and they live in this world that I keep in my mind.

Even if I took no one there to come with me, I would never visit it alone, as they would be living there, and they would be waiting.

I sort of understand... Kinda... Somewhat... In a way... Mine is so unoriginal, but that is what I would want. Why? Besides being beautiful, you can have a purpose, or at least you will feel that you have a purpose. It is a little difficult to do that in our days. You do the routine school program, you get an okay job, but you don't feel like you are contributing to something. It also depends which job you take, but still. I feel useless sometimes.

My mind is so odd. I sincerely apologize. .-.

I like your world, though; everything's much more purposeful there instead of just being there. Everyone has a purpose and everyone can make a contribution to something around them.

It is a lot harder to do that in our times. Lately, I've been ruminating about what my contribution to the world could be, and I found that it could be in writing, since I do that a lot. In some silly way I kind of want to make my own contributions to literature in hopes to better the world around me.

Regardless, sometimes the weight of everything feels so great that I succumb to it, and it squishes me until my body becomes completely flat and my dreams completely deflated...

Yes... It made me a little depressed last year. I was thinking: what's the point? Do i get to choose anything in my life? I will go to school, get a job, get a partner, maybe have children, maybe not, grow old, barely have enough money when I retire to survive and die. That's it. You could say it became an issue because I barely studied at all this year. Yet I still got a 78% total and be beyond average on most subjects. (And 78 is quite good. Not excellent, but above most people) I have to work hard because sec4 counts a lot when you want to enter college. It won't help that I will have that I will have the most severe french teacher (ironically not my greatest subject even though I read a lot, though I was above average with a...77%) and the a teacher who gives the most difficult math tests so that he prepares you for the ministry exams at the end of the year which will look like a joke. (Luckily I'm rather good in math... Hope it will be enough to succeed). All this stress to get to another good school to get a good job. It's been a year since I stressed for an exam. Orals, that's another story...

Wow... one more similarity between us.

I too get depressed over thinking about the point of life when so much of it is like that...

Success for me has been a commonality since I started school, and I came from my previous one at the top of my grade... I had perfect scores on school-wide exams, and near the end of the year we took our annual statewide test and I received high marks on that test too...

The only problem with this is that it means that everyone around me (my parents, my other relatives, my teachers and so on) expects a lot from me, thus if I am not doing so well in what I do, I am heavily reprimanded. I am sensitive to a lot of things, and stress has the potential to kill me, I swear...

During my last year of school, I felt depressed and did nothing for months while trying to keep up my grades, walking around as though I were half-dead or something. I became so paranoid in letting anyone I knew down that the pressure became too great that I simply couldn't handle it after a while...

Nearly everyone in my life still expects me to do ridiculously well, even if I am human and I do fault sometimes....

My parents expect a lot of me to. They want me to become something that pays well like a doctor or something. I don't know what I want to do exactly yet, but what if I tell my parents I want to be a teacher? (I don't. I would not be able to stand the stress of talking to all those kids amongst other things.) They would be displeased. They want me to get excellent marks. If I get an 80 they say get a 90. If I get a 90 and the average is close to that, they say that you can do better. At this point, I have almost stopped feeling stress for school.

On another note, I despise how parents abuse of their authority over us sometimes. They want to punish me for ridiculous things that I do not obey. My mother doesn't want me to wear my watch at home. I asked her why, but she never gave an answer. I don't want to go to some store, I'm punished if I decide to stay, even though they know I hate going with them. The worst is when they want us to go out somewhere. Do soma activity together. My mother often asked why I never liked going anywhere. When I told her it is because the activities aren't interesting, she said that the goal is to do something with your family. Then I said tat the problem is that I can't fond it fun because they are just boring. She thinks it is because I want to stay on the devices. My father is lazy... Out of shape to put it lightly, never does anything with me and spends his time on the computer. Yes, we have a bit of fun every once in a while if I go talk to him. My mother's jokes are... Outdated, but that is okay, but she always wants me to be outside. She gets irritated whenever I contradict her. (She is "always" right) And I can't remember the last time I played a board game with her. Basically, they are no fun, so I don't like to go anywhere so they become angry and it becomes a loop. I can't even have an argument with them because from the start they are right and I am wrong. Oh, she wants me to cut the grass outside, well half of it. She told me to go with my father so that I can learn how to do it. I explained to her that I already know how to do it. Just pass everywhere and make sure where the grass comes out, it doesn't go one the flowers. She still thinks I don't know how to even though there is nothing to really lean. I asked her why I should cut it. What could motivate me to do it. She said to be outside, to have a nice view, to be a help to them. Outside, I go when I read. Have a nice view, it doesn't bother me. I told her that I like being a help to others if I like what I have to do. I have a lot of fun helping around a few things at school even if it is alone and I feel great helping out. But this... No. Then she said that it has to be done because it is obligated. I agree, that is why I would do it if it was my house, but it is theirs. I don't have to do it. Plus, there will always be someone to do it for me. When I will have my own house, it will be a different matter. Not to mention my father does no chores around the house and I throw away the garbage and pass the vacuum downstairs. My father... Cuts grass. Why would I do the only thing that he is doing?

Sorry, I just had to get it out of me.

My parents enforce my success in my studies since it's just how I've always been doing, therefore, if I get anything less than average, they aren't pleased with my results. It's become almost ''hard-wired'' into me nowadays that if I don't do well, I am punished (I do most of the punishment to myself though, since I'm almost scarily good at psychologically harming myself).

Since my parents seem to think that I have grown up so fast (which I kind of have, mentally), they expect me to know how to do everything even when the truth is that I don't. I feel afraid of asking for help with something since they will fight with me about not being able to do it, and then I will proceed to mentally harm myself again as the cycle continues and continues until I devise new ways of hurting myself further and further.

My parents fight sometimes, and I have to stay with my younger brother in my room so he doesn't get too scared. My father is also rather lazy, but he works often so he is almost never home. He has days off though, and my mother wants him to help out around the house like I do.
It's pretty terrifying when my parents fight, but it happens more often between my older brother and my mother. My older brother is very meticulous about a lot of things and it drives my mother insane -- the two of them fight over the silliest of things and I hate it, because no matter what I can never escape it; my house is pretty small so screaming can be heard no matter where you are. (It's even stupider when my mother is driving and she's arguing with him with me in the backseat...)
When my parents fight, I almost feel enraged, but I also feel incredibly sorry for both of them. It's a pretty depressing thing to think about when you wonder if your parents would've just been happier if they never had kids...

My parents would physically beat my brothers and I when we were younger, and sometimes... that still does happen. However -- and it's pretty depressing to note this too -- I realize that I have to wear a "mask of compliance'' whenever I'm around my parents just so they don't get angry at me for whatever new reason they can think of. I have to play along and pretend to be perfect around them and it kills me on the inside, but I do it so my family can stop fighting...

I do most of the chores in my house, and my friends from other schools have often wondered why I don't really get what's called ''allowance.'' It's pretty simple why it doesn't exist at my house, though: my family just doesn't have enough money to do things like that.

Of course, my family isn't all bad, I suppose. There have been times when we used to go on vacations during the summer, but the last time that actually happened was in 2006 during a trip to California... besides, all of those happier memories of happier times with my family are all aged, and since then a lot of time has passed.

I understand why you'd want to get that out. I have my own concerns too.

But this is why I don't really do much with my family anyway, even when they want me to: I'm always so afraid that they'll start shouting at each other and my little brother will start crying and I'll just have to sit there until it's my turned to be yelled at...

When I was younger, they never had much to do with me anyway. I was left alone in my room with a bunch of toys and I was left with my imagination to play.

However bad it may seem at times, I can't help but remind myself that some families have it a lot worse than I do... but then I just start feeling sorry for them.

Charles has a family like that, and because of a lot of his personal complications in life, he's become rather depressed at times too...

And so I realize that with people I meet, I want nothing more but to make them happy.
I do so because I'm just so tired of seeing others so damn unhappy all the time... even if I'm like that most times myself.

My parents don't fight. It is quite a relief because it would have horrible consequences. When my father is really angry he... Sort looses control of himself. I don't have any sibling... If only I had one to fill in this solitude. My parents cannot accept failure. They can't accept that something was their fault or just that it simply happened. My father blames me for everything. My dog pees in the garage, it's my fault when it actually, I was woke up late so my dog did it when I was about to get him out. My father's computer runs slower for some reason, it's my fault because I looked at my notes on the school's site. It's not that bad. It is more the solitude that bothers me.

I don't know why I want to make others happy... It has been sort of a thing since I was young.

I a,so try to be outside the norm. Think for myself and not how people want me to think. There was this question in science class that we answered in group. Should we fight against the use of drugs in sports or not. Everyone said yes, but me. I am against drugs, but I feel like it is a waste of time to try and prevent it.

I remember in 1st grade when they started demanding us to speak in french... Or was it the year before that... Yes, it was the year before 1st grade. We were playing and a sentence in english accidentally slipped out. One of the kids went to see the teacher and said that I spoke in english. She asked me why. Me being shy and not seeing what wrong i have caused said nothing. So then I was punished not to play for that period. If I had todays mentality, I would have explained it to her. Maybe even have an argument on it. At the same year, I did not finish a homework on copying a few letters. Because of that, instead of eating at lunch, I had to finish it. I was really hungry and I almost begged her to let me eat. In the end I finished and ate. I never really liked that "teacher". She gave me poor marks (we were evaluated on attitude and such) I got c's and d's everywhere. She even told my parents that I needed medication or something. I was just shy and lonely because I did not spend a lot of time with my mother because she had to study (she remade he studies for another job when we immigrated) so she did not have time for me. If I was able to think clearly and even differently than others, I wonder what would have happened.

I let my own thoughts and beliefs come in, and I sort them out for myself as I realize what is good for myself and others and what isn't; I don't let any outside thinking from other groups influence me too much, but I am still quite shy and I have trouble speaking for myself, which my parents also yell at me about. .-.

I've pretty much been immune to any sort of peer pressure my entire life, since I never really bothered with what others (besides those I knew relatively well like my family) thought of me, or of what I thought.

However, I often worry if my thoughts will sometimes be a bit too unorthodox for some to handle... but I'm always too timid to say anything, so I never really know.

I admit I have been influenced a little too much, but I try to stay as myself as best as I can.

Yes, it may hinder you, but sometimes it is a risk that we must take. I surmounted my shyness a little and I say my opinion from time to time. Not as often as I would want to though.

I've also experienced some sort of strange phenomena with me where it's like I suddenly become extroverted and I openly talk to people I don't know about whatever I want to with little concern or fear. It's really odd when that happens, since it's so unlike my usual self, but it does sometimes, whenever I'm really excited to meet people for whatever reason.

Yet, I'm unable to do it that often and it really drains a lot from me when it does happen, sometimes by so much that I stop talking to anyone altogether for a little while...

I sometimes also enter moments when I feel like a completely different person, separate from the self that I usually know. I would be able to say whatever and stand up for myself and friends, and other times I'm a completely anti-social person who would run away from any notion of people.

It's a pretty vast spectrum of personalities, and it feels so strange since it's almost like I adopt them as my own for a bit, but then sorta seep back into my usual personality.

I still have trouble explaining the whole of it, since I'm not entirely sure what it is myself.

I know how you feel. Sometimes I am very social and talkative, but it drains me so then I become antisocial for a few days and I spend my time reading. What it is, I don't know. I don' think my attitude changes as drastically as yours, but it does change. It drains a lot, that's for sure. After spending an entire day with an old friend, I basically stayed in my room the next week and read at school...
Another similar concept is that I act a little differently depending on who I am with. It is almost as if there are multiple me. It scared a little because I don't want to give people a false impression of myself.

About that last part, I feel identical. .-.

I feel I have so many multiples of myself (which I metaphorically identify with through the Consciences) that it's pretty strange but interesting nonetheless. However, I still am pretty terribly of people accusing me of being "two-faced," even if that hasn't really happened yet.

At this point, I've come to reconcile that the strange "multiple aspects of my personality" is actually part of makes me who I am, so I don't feel like an entirely different person.

I think of it as a mask. Everyone sees a different mask and only those I trust the most can see what is under the mask. Now that I think about it, you are one of the few with whom my mask is the thinnest. I am not 100% open, but close. I don't know, you're just one of those people that makes you want to open up to him. The last person who came as close as you used me... But you're different than most people I met. But at the same time you feel so familiar. I can't get my hands on why...

Wow.
You thought of those things as masks too?

Are we the same person or something? Or is it true that great minds do think alike? XD

One of the first things Charles told me when I spoke to him (via email) again was that speaking to me was like him lending me a red apple, and so I gave him a green apple; what he says I say something of equal value. When I first heard that, I thought it was interesting to note, especially since no one had told me something like that before.

This is going to sound rather strange as well, but I feel like I've known you for longer than I actually have... hence you feel like someone that I'm so familiar with, even if, in reality, I don't know you outside of the Internet. .-.

Next thing you know, we look the same XD

You too? It is quite strange indeed. I have never heard of such a thing before and it never happened. The only thing that resembles that is that I heard that there was a king, can't remember from whom' who went at the restaurant and the owner looked exactly like him. When he became king, he opened his shop and a lot of similar things happened at the same time. They were born around the same time as well and they died with a few months apart. I don't know if it is true, but it was an interesting story.