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Misconceptions
12 years ago
So in the days leading up to Fur the More, I've been introduced to a few new people that I may be meeting at the con, and I've learned that there's apparently some major misconceptions of me. Apparently, despite me giving up pursuing being a furry artist, most of my social life still does and likely will heavily involve the furry fandom. And I've apparently done or said some things that turn people off from wanting to get to know me.
It hurts. A lot.
I know I'm not that great with communication, but I want to at least try to fix it.
1. I'm not antisocial. I'm just not social online.
I know, I put up that warning on my page saying "No idle chit-chat". Well, I've taken that down exactly because of these real-life incidences. The reason I put that up is because, with me basically quitting art, I don't visit FA. I don't read my Notes. I don't get on IM very often, never have. I don't chat much. I spend a lot of time off the internet, and I don't really do idle chit-chat online.
That, and I don't want to hear comments that I'm sure are meant to be encouraging but that make me feel bad for not drawing. I feel bad enough about it already.
But I like meeting new people, and hanging out, and talking. I like meeting friends of friends and socializing and having interesting conversations. Just... not over Notes, and not over AIM or Yahoo or MSN.
2. I'm not dangerously possessive. It's a joke.
I'm not going to maul anyone who talks to a person I'm interested in. I have no interest in scaring away female friends, and I'm not going to rip anyone's jugular out if they give him a hug. I consider that sort of behavior obsessive and abusive, and I've been on the receiving end. I don't do that to people. Anyone I care about is free to have whatever friends they want, because I trust them to have good judgement.
I'm actually really laid back. I don't care if eyes wander to another girl (in fact, usually I'm appreciative of a good female figure myself). I don't care about hugs, snugs, and shoulder leanings. I do those myself, with absolutely no sexual intent. And the way I figure, if someone's making unwelcome sexual advances and my partner isn't protesting it, then it's my partner I need to talk to.
3. I don't think I'm better than anyone else. Quite the opposite, really.
Unfortunately, people tend to jump to conclusions when I have anything to say about "fans", "fan mail", "watchers", etc. It seems like just acknowledging the fact that my art has become popular and people communicate that they like it (and the fact that some of those communications have been overly familiar in an off-putting way, which I've had to deal with before and I'm not the only one - http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2651246/) makes me a stuck up diva. I don't understand.
I have over 7000 watchers. This is a fact. You can scroll down on my front page and see it for yourself, I'm not lying and I'm not bragging. It just is. I don't understand why it is, except that I've been doing this for over 14 years and I must be doing something right.
But I don't like my own art. I think my understanding of form and lighting sucks, I struggle with the concept of composition and color theory, and I feel like my poses are lifeless and wooden. I don't think I'm a great artist at all. And as far as being a "popufur", I'm not that either. I don't have very many friends, most of the conventions I've been to I've had very little socialization, I've been either stuck with my nose in sketchbooks or sitting alone wondering how people get invited to these dinners and parties everyone else seems to get to go to. But I try to be friendly and I try to be social. I'm just not very good at it.
I actually have fairly low self-esteem, and no, I'm not looking for help boosting it. I just want people to like being around me. And not because I'm an artist, but because they like me.
In short, I'm friendly but a bit socially awkward, and I just want people to like me for who I am. Please don't get the wrong impression. I have few enough friends as it is, I don't want to scare off potential new ones.
It hurts. A lot.
I know I'm not that great with communication, but I want to at least try to fix it.
1. I'm not antisocial. I'm just not social online.
I know, I put up that warning on my page saying "No idle chit-chat". Well, I've taken that down exactly because of these real-life incidences. The reason I put that up is because, with me basically quitting art, I don't visit FA. I don't read my Notes. I don't get on IM very often, never have. I don't chat much. I spend a lot of time off the internet, and I don't really do idle chit-chat online.
That, and I don't want to hear comments that I'm sure are meant to be encouraging but that make me feel bad for not drawing. I feel bad enough about it already.
But I like meeting new people, and hanging out, and talking. I like meeting friends of friends and socializing and having interesting conversations. Just... not over Notes, and not over AIM or Yahoo or MSN.
2. I'm not dangerously possessive. It's a joke.
I'm not going to maul anyone who talks to a person I'm interested in. I have no interest in scaring away female friends, and I'm not going to rip anyone's jugular out if they give him a hug. I consider that sort of behavior obsessive and abusive, and I've been on the receiving end. I don't do that to people. Anyone I care about is free to have whatever friends they want, because I trust them to have good judgement.
I'm actually really laid back. I don't care if eyes wander to another girl (in fact, usually I'm appreciative of a good female figure myself). I don't care about hugs, snugs, and shoulder leanings. I do those myself, with absolutely no sexual intent. And the way I figure, if someone's making unwelcome sexual advances and my partner isn't protesting it, then it's my partner I need to talk to.
3. I don't think I'm better than anyone else. Quite the opposite, really.
Unfortunately, people tend to jump to conclusions when I have anything to say about "fans", "fan mail", "watchers", etc. It seems like just acknowledging the fact that my art has become popular and people communicate that they like it (and the fact that some of those communications have been overly familiar in an off-putting way, which I've had to deal with before and I'm not the only one - http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2651246/) makes me a stuck up diva. I don't understand.
I have over 7000 watchers. This is a fact. You can scroll down on my front page and see it for yourself, I'm not lying and I'm not bragging. It just is. I don't understand why it is, except that I've been doing this for over 14 years and I must be doing something right.
But I don't like my own art. I think my understanding of form and lighting sucks, I struggle with the concept of composition and color theory, and I feel like my poses are lifeless and wooden. I don't think I'm a great artist at all. And as far as being a "popufur", I'm not that either. I don't have very many friends, most of the conventions I've been to I've had very little socialization, I've been either stuck with my nose in sketchbooks or sitting alone wondering how people get invited to these dinners and parties everyone else seems to get to go to. But I try to be friendly and I try to be social. I'm just not very good at it.
I actually have fairly low self-esteem, and no, I'm not looking for help boosting it. I just want people to like being around me. And not because I'm an artist, but because they like me.
In short, I'm friendly but a bit socially awkward, and I just want people to like me for who I am. Please don't get the wrong impression. I have few enough friends as it is, I don't want to scare off potential new ones.
When I have talked to you though, you've always been really awesome. I would love the opportunity to one-day meet you in-person at a convention. Know that there are people out there who do not judge you by the surface of one or two actions or days, and that they are listening, even if they don't always have something to say. *smiles*
People will always try to drag others down when they're jealous. You've never bragged nor been arrogant since I started watching you on FA, or that I ever recall prior to such. The people who can't be happy for what you've achieved or at least keep their mouth shut when they're envious are worth neither listening to nor paying attention to. As you said, you've been doing this for a long time, so you must be doing something right. No need to waste time on people who don't help lift you higher.
I'm glad to see you posting, K'sharra, and glad to see you're well. If someone did need to get a hold of you, what would be the best way to do so?
Probably the best way to reach me is Skype, since that's my main means of communication with a few select people and I don't always have to type on it.
#3 I think... is a tough one that I really don't want to open a can of worms on, but I think we all know why it happens and why it only happens to IRL-female artists who enjoy seeing their avatars engaged in reckless abandon -- and in a few other exceptions: "fit" gay artists too o/c. I just hope it hasn't completely put you off of allowing Fanart of your Tiggy. ...would really like to do something later this year... (FYI to avoid the creepy factor: not b/c the way you've drawn Ksharra is even my ideal of desirable anatomy, mostly b/c there's this deeper level of duality you've only brought out in the recent years, I think that would make an excellent artistic statement).
...anyway, thanks for the intriguing update & continuing to be so open with us! , Hope you have more success on the Extro-Relationships. That's my next hurdle as well (though I have a counselor to help me thought it).
Gotcha~ Makes sense to me. Typing does indeed become tedious after a time. Sorry for the late reply~
I look forward to it. I somehow doubt you're a mean person, or you would never have even posted this journal! :)
I had nearly started off writing about my own social dynamic, in general, and when I go to furry conventions, but then thought better of it. I should be answering your post rather than using it as a springboard to talk about myself. I'm a fan of your art but I've also found you to be an interesting person. You're less inhibited than me about some things.
You can do things up to a point so people don't get the wrong ideas, and it doesn't hurt to think about how something may be coming across wrong, but past a certain point, just let go, and realize that not everyone is going to come away with the right ideas and there's only so much you can do. The ones who are worth your time will know better.
Fursuit update btw :)
I now have 9 yards of the fur colors I need to make the suit and saving up to have the head done. When I have parts of the suits done I will send you pictures. Also I have a special Thank you in mind for letting me make Liberty :)
Wolfcub
that's all.
*hugs tight just because* =) =P
I've never withessed you doing the things they accuse you of. they're just jealous, I guess.
And I don't know art, but I think your work is gorgeous. It's really common for creators to look at their own stuff and only see the flaws.
That sucks that people have gotten the wrong impression of you. I think it'd be awesome to meet you at a Con, especially as a fellow female feline ^.^ Although it was a sad day when you decided to stop posting new artwork, it's understandable that everyone has their reasons for stopping sometimes. But we still appreciate that you have the skill!
If you ever happen this way again for a visit, you know where we all live. =^^=
Hey! Tek Roo here! I spoke to you from behind a post at MFF for no particular reason other that that's where I stopped after you greeted me. Shoulda backed up or something... I'll blame a lack of caffeine...
Anyway, howdy! ::waves::
I certainly understand/am that way myself about the communication thing. I really have a hard time..I guess trusting people... (not on them, it's on me) unless I can get facetime with them. I just need more than what text can offer, and honestly Skype isn't a great substitute for me. I go a lot of things that text and just voice can't convey (and vid cam just seems...ehhhh to me). When it comes down to it though - anytime someone is acting like I owe them attention, being negative or whiny I don't want to be around them. SO I guess in that way I can be "unfriendly" (aka not tolerating their attitude) but generally speaking I consider myself friendly to those who put out the kind of atmosphere I want to be around.