Sounds really silly....i know.
However....when EVERY Happy moment in your life has ended with whatever caused you to be happy in the first place being taken away from you....ya tend to worry anytime ya feel the slightest joy over something or someone.

Now before any of you tell me some asinine BS about me bringing it on myself because i constantly think about it and worry about it happening...just stop right now because that statement is invalid.

It wasn't till a cruel twist of fate robbed me of my ability to see  mudpaws last year that i began to notice the pattern and start worrying.

Like now...i am happier than i have ever been...but something looms over my head causing me to be depressed.
Before the year ends....if  yaegashi has not found a job...his unemployment will run out and the money i get from SSI will be insufficient to sustain us...he will be forced to move back in with his parents and i will have to move back to Michigan and slowly become the emo depressed neurotic mouse i was before i moved here to Nevada.

Yaegashi has told me that if it looks like he wont find a job as that time draws near he will sign up for SSI....however acceptance can take anywhere from a month to 3 years....even Mudpaws with all his health problems had to wait close to 6 months and appeal 2 rejections before he was finally accepted.

I wish i could flip a switch in my brain and turn off the worry....then i could enjoy whatever time i have left with Yaegashi to its fullest.