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12 years ago
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I will be taking a sort break from FA to catch up on school work. I will be working on stories still but I will not have enough time to do much. Sorry about the inconvenience. I just haven't been too well, really not able to sleep at night, wondering where my life has gone. I really wish things could be simpler, I am not saying that I don't like this place, I love it and everyone I have met so far. But due to personal issues I just completely hate myself and everything I have become. I wonder what my purpose in life is, Why it came to this. I feel like I just want to crawl into bed and never get up. I am a complete antisocial freak. I have such a huge fear of rejection and abandonment that I can't open up to anyone in real life. I just don't like myself in anyway. I feel like a complete mess. I have no one I can even talk to, I have no friends in real life who I can talk to, a father I can't stand to see, and a mom who I am always afraid to talk to. I have just had this revelation yesterday that I hate everything I am in real life. Only the friends I made online are who I really feel care about and understand me. Is that sad? Is it good? I don't even know anymore. I feel I am becoming increasingly bitter towards my own family. I don't know what to do, I don't know if anyone has gone through the same things I am. I feel I just need help, I don't know where I am or how I got here. Is being online my only way to feel welcome? Maybe it's not such a bad thing. It's better than being alone all the time, no one to talk to, in complete denial about is sexuality. I feel welcome, every friend I have made here help me get through this terrible time in my life. I can only hope things will get better. Thank you all for just being here. You make me feel so wonderful and great, like I haven't in such a long time. I have even become more social in real life since I met everyone here, this all started in like august, and has been the greatest experience in my life. I don't know what I would do if I never met anyone here. You are all so amazing, thank you. I will still be taking a break to get caught up on school work, so if I am not on as often as before, you will know why.
Story slots
1.
eternalfire, trade
2.
bacroomcomic55, request
3.
fartlover56215, request
4.
johndoe837, request
________________________________________________________________________Story slots
1.
eternalfire, trade2.
bacroomcomic55, request3.
fartlover56215, request4.
johndoe837, request
I don't understand yet why you hate yourself because i don't know you. But what i do know is that someone will hate themselves because of three things.
1. They believe they are unable, and that this makes virtually worthless beings. I think the solution to this would be to start doing realistic things you say you can't regularly. I'm unsure what causes your fear of rejection, but i have had a friend that has used to be similar. Once he believed he could approach people with similar interests... guess what happened?
2. They are ashamed. I'm unsure if this is the cause to your fear of rejection. But you feel like you are worth rejecting because of a trait/habit, the solution would be to either to find positive things about it, accept it, or to work on removing it.
3. They are in a hopeless situation. I am completely in the dark about the events you're in (or lack of).
But i could be completely wrong.
If you are really feeling like you need help then i suggest you look for it. Get someone that has a degree in this stuff.