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Still alive, just in a panic (rant)
12 years ago
So it's tax season and it's all going wrong and only slightly working out in my favor.
The deadline is monday, i haven't submitted yet, I still can't find all my papers but i've found stacks of papers that i didn't even know i had.
I was already delayed with work and other stuff going on and now all this stuff combined into my losing a job, NOT HAPPY!
But the real kicker, the thing that caused all this, the thing that my instincts apparently saw coming, is family trouble, AGAIN.
So apparently my sister did her taxes wrong and made a lot of dumb decisions in the last two years and the IRS just took all her money (about 10,000$)
So she called me and asked me to fix it for her. She wants me to GIVE her the money she lost effectively out of my own pocket!
Now there is no love lost between us, and i'd be happy to tell her to take a flying leap but she has two small boys and it's not fair to punish the kids just because of her.
And if i say no at ANY point then I become the bad guy!
She was getting $2000 a month from our father just so she could pay rent and feed the kids since she refused to get a job and now effectively wants me to do the same thing!
I KNEW THIS WAS GONNA HAPPEN! And i told her not to do it but I knew she would never uphold that.
So I have a choice, I can tell her no and be the bad guy forever, adhering to my own principles and the agreement we had. OR I can give her what she wants, become an enabler, and still eventually have to say no in a couple months anyway! So I would get to be the good big brother/uncle for a little while and then be the bad guy again!
I really don't know what to do with it but there's a question that has been plaguing me.
How does she manage to burn through 2-300,000$ in less than two years and still have NOTHING to show for it? No new house like she wanted, no fancy car, no cool shit, just living in mediocre squallor neglecting her kids and now relying on her douchbag husband to pay her rent with his restaurant job.
So yeah, I'm late on a lot of stuff, i know, i'm sorry.
I likely just lost a job, so that's freeing up time again, but I'm angry and depressed about it, though i can only blame myself.
Gotta get my taxes in NOW or i'm gonna be in trouble so i'm in a panic.
My sister is doing her usual thing and putting me in a very inappropriate position and I'm rip roaringly furious about that.
I really don't know what to do in this situation except to bend over and take it, whatever it is i can do and still sleep at night.
The deadline is monday, i haven't submitted yet, I still can't find all my papers but i've found stacks of papers that i didn't even know i had.
I was already delayed with work and other stuff going on and now all this stuff combined into my losing a job, NOT HAPPY!
But the real kicker, the thing that caused all this, the thing that my instincts apparently saw coming, is family trouble, AGAIN.
So apparently my sister did her taxes wrong and made a lot of dumb decisions in the last two years and the IRS just took all her money (about 10,000$)
So she called me and asked me to fix it for her. She wants me to GIVE her the money she lost effectively out of my own pocket!
Now there is no love lost between us, and i'd be happy to tell her to take a flying leap but she has two small boys and it's not fair to punish the kids just because of her.
And if i say no at ANY point then I become the bad guy!
She was getting $2000 a month from our father just so she could pay rent and feed the kids since she refused to get a job and now effectively wants me to do the same thing!
I KNEW THIS WAS GONNA HAPPEN! And i told her not to do it but I knew she would never uphold that.
So I have a choice, I can tell her no and be the bad guy forever, adhering to my own principles and the agreement we had. OR I can give her what she wants, become an enabler, and still eventually have to say no in a couple months anyway! So I would get to be the good big brother/uncle for a little while and then be the bad guy again!
I really don't know what to do with it but there's a question that has been plaguing me.
How does she manage to burn through 2-300,000$ in less than two years and still have NOTHING to show for it? No new house like she wanted, no fancy car, no cool shit, just living in mediocre squallor neglecting her kids and now relying on her douchbag husband to pay her rent with his restaurant job.
So yeah, I'm late on a lot of stuff, i know, i'm sorry.
I likely just lost a job, so that's freeing up time again, but I'm angry and depressed about it, though i can only blame myself.
Gotta get my taxes in NOW or i'm gonna be in trouble so i'm in a panic.
My sister is doing her usual thing and putting me in a very inappropriate position and I'm rip roaringly furious about that.
I really don't know what to do in this situation except to bend over and take it, whatever it is i can do and still sleep at night.
If it was me I would say "I am sorry I do not have it, I have to pay taxes." That's what I did when my mother kept asking me. She thought I was getting a lot back for my daughter but I said they don't take taxes out of my pay checks.
But that is just me. Even if my mother would curse me out with every mother "after I had you comment" in the book. Along with some unpleasant ones
I think you should say no. As mean as it sounds but its one of those little things that might make her see that they have to stand on their own feet. But the hard thing is that she has children and I would hate something bad would happen to them.
best wishes and best of luck to you and your family
Yeah, the kids are the lynchpin here. And they're not even really a part of my life or anything, it's more a matter of principle.
And I better not hear anybody say anything about "being the bigger man" crap. Cuz whose the bigger man, the man who stands his ground or the man who acquiesces to getting screwed because it's the "nice thing" to do.
I've always been a nice guy and all it's gotten me is screwed, robbed, dismissed and stolen from.
Your sister? Well, money and family do not mix. Your father's been extremely charitable if sister has been able to build up $10k of savings for the IRS to take. You only have so much money for yourself now that you've lost your job. (Condolences btw, always a shock to the system.)
When she received her share or the investments, rather than REinvest it and let it make money for her (about 400,000$ worth) she liquidated it and lost something to the tune of 60,000+ in withheld taxes. We all told her NOT to but she didn't care, she wanted cash.
Then she was dumb enough to not do the due diligence and just listened to some guy on the phone and thought she didn't have to pay any taxes herself. Apparently she didn't realise that those withholdings don't really cover EVERYTHING the IRS takes. So she ignored our warnings and then the IRS notices and they just came and took it.
Meanwhile here i am, invested, secure-ish but hemoraging money on this house that should have been sold over a year ago but hasn't because of her not getting her act in gear.
So she wants me to send her something, preferably all that money she lost so she can "have that safety nest egg in case of an emergency"
Well, she HAD the nest egg, she HAD her emergency, and if she wasn't so stupid and full of herself she wouldn't be having any problems either!
Not sure how to help stop the avalanche that's chasing her down. But yes, if she didn't have that money saved she'd be in up to her eyes to the IRS.
Her whole motivation in life is maintaining her self delusion of coolness.
Having kids was cool, never mind the two assholes who knocked her up, smacked her around and continue to give her trouble. No big deal, she still thinks she's cool cuz mothers gain the knowledge and wisdom of the universe and all mothers are perfect.
She really thinks that she's still cool enough to get whatever she wants and whatever she wants she deserves.
She tried to hide it from our mother who WORKS for the IRS. Rather than ask for help she sat there and took the hit so she wouldn't have to own up to it until i forced her to.
I'm thinking she won't have a chance of snapping out of this horse shit mentaility of hers until she realizes that NO ONE is cool when they're marching to the welfare line.
I really am stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Remember that you need to be hard when you're stuck between a rock and a hard place, it helps you to survive from it.
BUT i got my taxes in, i'm confident they are correct but i'll have to wait and see.
But yeah, that is a pretty damn accurate statement. She's also chosen me because no one else could or would even consider giving her money in the amounts she's imagining.
Thing is, you've acknowledged that giving her money will neither solve the problems she's gotten herself into nor bring you any peace of mind. So while I understand she's got two young kids, which hints a husband is still in the picture, I don't see what's in it for you to get involved. At her age with possibly a husband and two kids if she hasn't gotten it together now, she's not going to suddenly start because her brother's gone soft enough to give her free money. Seriously, bro. What's in it for you? Cause it reads to me like you already know to get yourself involved is crazy.
THe husband just moved back in, but he's a douche too.
The thing I can't get away from is this hope everyone is carrying that all she needs is a couple of months to get a job and get things back on track. It's a thin hope but it is there.
The other problem with it is this house. The house is still under both of our names and she imagines she'll just take whatever money she gets out of whatever profit it sells for. Problem is that assumes it sells for any profit at all!
And that's another thing that I just can't account for because it hasn't happened yet and it is unpredictable. The other possibility, narrow as a thread is that she gets it into her head to twist my arm in court. Though she can't afford a lawyer.
And even though she still has not claimed all her stuff and her half of the furniture and stuff in this house (which again, she can't in any way afford to do now) she still has the right to those things and I can not and will not deny her that. Though she's had two years to get her shit in order, and apparently it's just been one long string of her doing stupid and people coming up behind her telling her no!
Now hope is all nice and well, but consider this for a moment. While others in the family are hoping she gets back to what was normal for her, the reality maybe that her current state of mind is normal for her, now and forever. Can you imagine dealing with that for another three years? How about ten or twenty? If you imagine you can handle it, more power to ya. If not, all I can say is it sucks to be you if you insist upon sticking around.
I'm not an attorney, a paralegal, or even a court clerk, but if it's an option to simply sign over the shared ownership properties and assets over to her you should seriously consider doing it. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised your gut was telling you to do this repeatedly over the past few years. You can then encourage her to get credible advisement after that for what good it may do and move on with your life. I mean, we know what your sister gets if you stay involved, we even know what the family gets, but I still don't see what's in it for you beyond stress and frustration.
She's not likely to interfere with the process though she is quite likely to bitch and moan no matter what the results.
You're right, and i'm the same mind as you and have ZERO intentions of dealing with her more than i absolutely have to. I know I can't handle it and I don't deserve to deal with it, but again that hope is one of those things stacked against me as the bad guy
No it hasn't actually. Because in order to DO that i would have to pay her according to the equity in the mortgage and it's a 250,000$ house. So if i wanted to pay her off I'd have to dip into my investments and lose even MORE in taxes! Plus i'd then have to get my lawyer involved again and pull up more paperwork and that's just one more headache I don't need.
It's better to just sell the thing straight up as soon as possible. The rest is basically paying for convenience and it's not that convenient.
And yes, you are right, there is nothing in it for me beyond my own nice guy principles.
Though the plan is to sell it in the next couple months or next year.
It's a good house in a great location it's just too too too damn big for me
It LOOKS like i found copies of the papers i though i lost. Did not realise they issue duplicates of all your tax papers