FA+
Shop
Notes on "A Gift of Fire"
12 years ago
General
"A Gift of Fire, A Gift of Blood" originally ran in 1990 (!) in YARF! and was, for its time, very popular. While I wouldn't claim it was the most popular bit of "furry" literature in the early fandom, it's probably safe to say that the only stories with a better claim are considerably longer/larger bodies of work, like Bernard Doove's Chakat stories and G. Howell's The Human Memoirs. (Thank you, FA, for being incapable of letting me either italicize the title or even put it in quotes when I make it a link.) At one point, one of the novella's main characters--Revar Desmara, the vampire bat--rivaled Erma Felna for "most popular furry character" in a poll that I swear I didn't rig. (Yes, I know if you came into the fandom much past the mid-'90s you don't know who Erma Felna is, either. Shut up.)
So why revise it? Well, you learn a lot about writing in twenty years even if you're not doing it as regularly as you should be. As good as a lot of things about "Gift of Fire" were, a compelling enough main character hides a lot of small sins. Or, in this case, a compelling enough influence character.[^1] (People have actually argued with me when I say that Revar isn't the main character, but she isn't. Sorry!)
None of the changes are "big" in terms of affecting the story's outcome or even any of the major plot points, but there were a few logic holes and a few characterization issues, and occasionally dialogue problems. (Revar in particular sometimes sounded less like herself than, well, a young college dropout with literary pretentions.)
The changes
Nearly every sentence has been tweaked to some degree, but here's what I changed specifically. Naturally, if you haven't read the story there are spoilers here. (And if you haven't read the revised version, here are reasons you might want to!)
1. In my head Dahlu was not only an attractive woman but a smart and capable one, but on paper she was--as Revar unkindly referred to her in the first version--kind of a pastahead. She's a lot stronger in this version. Mika's choice is not only supposed to be tough but to not have a definitively "right" answer.
2. While the story always contrasted Revar and Dahlu in terms of social class, I realized that was not only a big theme that I didn't accent very well, there are actually three classes: Mika is caught between Dahlu's explicit desire to pull him into her world, and Revar's viewpoint in which he and Dahlu are both "high class." Dahlu is more of a true socialite in this version, and--while she's still well-spoken and occasionally poetic--Revar speaks with a coarser rhythm.
3. In the original story, I didn't use the word "Derysi" for the bats! I didn't come up with it until later. Logically, though, that doesn't make a lot of sense, and it creates an interesting side tension for Mika to know the word before Revar.[^2]
4. The villain's name has changed from "Scat" to "Skit," because I have no idea what the hell I was originally thinking. He has a bit more screen time and is hopefully a bit less two-dimensional, although still pretty hateful.
5. While the outcome is the same, the Guard's portrayal is changed throughout the fourth chapter in particular. The dilemma the Guard has with Revar is neither incompetence nor regulatory stifling, but the near-impossible situation of trying to take humane care of a prisoner whose needs require inhumane action.
6. Mika's picture of Revar has been changed from an ink sketch to an actual painting. I suspect originally I was making a nod to Zjonni's artwork for the story, but paintings make more sense for the gallery.
7. Mika now sells those paintings, because it makes more sense thematically.
8. While the farther along you go in the story the more the scenes match up to the old version, there are new scenes in Chapters 1 and 2. Most notably, in the original version we didn't actually meet Dahlu until after Mika met Orlonda (and we didn't learn Orlonda's name until the last chapter!); the second scene where we meet Dahlu, Jack and Skit is all new.
What about the sequel?
Old-time readers will certainly remember there was one: "The Lighthouse." It takes place very shortly after the end of "Gift of Fire" and is written primarily in first person, present tense, from Revar's point of view.
Well. Again honestly, I don't know. I haven't read it in years and I don't know what will and won't make me cringe. I recall a few bits that do make me cringe, though, ranging from a comic relief character--one of the only insertions of someone else's character into my work that I ever did--to the handling of legal matters.
That last bit isn't just idle kvetching. See, the Ranean Guard is also rather undeveloped--they seem to be kind of a police force and kind of a judicial system and kind of a military force and kind of a civic organization and for all I know they also bake mean chocolate cakes. What I'm saying is: they need more definition. As I recall, they play a big role in the next story, and I need to figure out how to make them "work" to my own satisfaction before undertaking that.
What now?
I'd like to get an ebook version of the new "Gift of Fire" together, ideally with some new illustrations. That's not because I dislike Zjonni's "old" artwork for it, but I not only don't have the rights to those, I don't think I have copies of most of them. This is a minor challenge in that getting some good illustrations will likely cost more than I'm likely to make back from book sales. I may try something nutty like seeing if I can "crowdfund" it, if I can find an illustrator with enough of a sense of whimsy to go along with that. (The observant will note this is an idea I'm brazenly stealing from Kyell Gold, who did that with a recent short story of his.)
# # #
[^1]: "Influence character" is a term I'm pretty sure I borrowed from story-plotting software called "Dramatica"; as they put it, "this character is responsible for shocking the Main Character out of their malaise and challenging them to grow and develop over the course of the story."
[^2]: The idea that Melifen means "cat person" and Vraini means "fox person" and so on seems to confuse some readers, but do you say "human" or "ape person"? It's weird not to have words to distinguish the sapients from the non-sapients. Also, they're all independent races, with their own native--if sometimes rarely-used--languages.
So why revise it? Well, you learn a lot about writing in twenty years even if you're not doing it as regularly as you should be. As good as a lot of things about "Gift of Fire" were, a compelling enough main character hides a lot of small sins. Or, in this case, a compelling enough influence character.[^1] (People have actually argued with me when I say that Revar isn't the main character, but she isn't. Sorry!)
None of the changes are "big" in terms of affecting the story's outcome or even any of the major plot points, but there were a few logic holes and a few characterization issues, and occasionally dialogue problems. (Revar in particular sometimes sounded less like herself than, well, a young college dropout with literary pretentions.)
The changes
Nearly every sentence has been tweaked to some degree, but here's what I changed specifically. Naturally, if you haven't read the story there are spoilers here. (And if you haven't read the revised version, here are reasons you might want to!)
1. In my head Dahlu was not only an attractive woman but a smart and capable one, but on paper she was--as Revar unkindly referred to her in the first version--kind of a pastahead. She's a lot stronger in this version. Mika's choice is not only supposed to be tough but to not have a definitively "right" answer.
2. While the story always contrasted Revar and Dahlu in terms of social class, I realized that was not only a big theme that I didn't accent very well, there are actually three classes: Mika is caught between Dahlu's explicit desire to pull him into her world, and Revar's viewpoint in which he and Dahlu are both "high class." Dahlu is more of a true socialite in this version, and--while she's still well-spoken and occasionally poetic--Revar speaks with a coarser rhythm.
3. In the original story, I didn't use the word "Derysi" for the bats! I didn't come up with it until later. Logically, though, that doesn't make a lot of sense, and it creates an interesting side tension for Mika to know the word before Revar.[^2]
4. The villain's name has changed from "Scat" to "Skit," because I have no idea what the hell I was originally thinking. He has a bit more screen time and is hopefully a bit less two-dimensional, although still pretty hateful.
5. While the outcome is the same, the Guard's portrayal is changed throughout the fourth chapter in particular. The dilemma the Guard has with Revar is neither incompetence nor regulatory stifling, but the near-impossible situation of trying to take humane care of a prisoner whose needs require inhumane action.
6. Mika's picture of Revar has been changed from an ink sketch to an actual painting. I suspect originally I was making a nod to Zjonni's artwork for the story, but paintings make more sense for the gallery.
7. Mika now sells those paintings, because it makes more sense thematically.
8. While the farther along you go in the story the more the scenes match up to the old version, there are new scenes in Chapters 1 and 2. Most notably, in the original version we didn't actually meet Dahlu until after Mika met Orlonda (and we didn't learn Orlonda's name until the last chapter!); the second scene where we meet Dahlu, Jack and Skit is all new.
What about the sequel?
Old-time readers will certainly remember there was one: "The Lighthouse." It takes place very shortly after the end of "Gift of Fire" and is written primarily in first person, present tense, from Revar's point of view.
Well. Again honestly, I don't know. I haven't read it in years and I don't know what will and won't make me cringe. I recall a few bits that do make me cringe, though, ranging from a comic relief character--one of the only insertions of someone else's character into my work that I ever did--to the handling of legal matters.
That last bit isn't just idle kvetching. See, the Ranean Guard is also rather undeveloped--they seem to be kind of a police force and kind of a judicial system and kind of a military force and kind of a civic organization and for all I know they also bake mean chocolate cakes. What I'm saying is: they need more definition. As I recall, they play a big role in the next story, and I need to figure out how to make them "work" to my own satisfaction before undertaking that.
What now?
I'd like to get an ebook version of the new "Gift of Fire" together, ideally with some new illustrations. That's not because I dislike Zjonni's "old" artwork for it, but I not only don't have the rights to those, I don't think I have copies of most of them. This is a minor challenge in that getting some good illustrations will likely cost more than I'm likely to make back from book sales. I may try something nutty like seeing if I can "crowdfund" it, if I can find an illustrator with enough of a sense of whimsy to go along with that. (The observant will note this is an idea I'm brazenly stealing from Kyell Gold, who did that with a recent short story of his.)
# # #
[^1]: "Influence character" is a term I'm pretty sure I borrowed from story-plotting software called "Dramatica"; as they put it, "this character is responsible for shocking the Main Character out of their malaise and challenging them to grow and develop over the course of the story."
[^2]: The idea that Melifen means "cat person" and Vraini means "fox person" and so on seems to confuse some readers, but do you say "human" or "ape person"? It's weird not to have words to distinguish the sapients from the non-sapients. Also, they're all independent races, with their own native--if sometimes rarely-used--languages.
This "get everybody to be friends with you" is a sort of backstory tension in "Indigo Rain," where one of the main characters is a former Guard vixen who was sent from Raneadhros to Achoren -- more or less the Ranean equivalent of the Deep South -- as part of a conscious effort to get the mostly human population to warm up to furries. At least if you ask her, this didn't work out so well.
Anyway, thanks for posting this. I know I said before that this probably wouldn't be a big deal, but that fact that almost every sentence has been tweaked, as well as these changes having more impact than I originally thought, almost makes me want to read the original un-edited version. The sequel, what may or may not have been obvious, is something I can look forward to. But the instinct rules and course of action that happens within military or police forces, even fictional, can be pretty hard to describe. I'll wait as long as necessary, considering you still have the interest. :)
As for your ebook version of "A Gift of Fire", what the hell, I guess I could spare some cash to make the illustrations happen. :)
....at least until Saturday morning or so?