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What happens now?
12 years ago
So, as most of you probably already know, my father passed away suddenly 2 weeks ago, April 3rd. I was overseas at the time, and through the "miracle" of technology, I was the first to hear (directly from the ER physician) that he had passed away. This set off a panicked chain of events as I had to find a way to get from Northern Spain to Madrid, aboard a plane and back home as soon as possible.
Thankfully I'm pretty well versed in that aspect of my travel, and I really didn't have any problems getting back home. I had a lot of time on the flights to come to grips with the situation, but how can you ever really grasp the fact that your father is dead and you'll never see him again?
You can't.
I never got to say goodbye, I never got to hear his last wishes, etc. It's just like a plug was pulled, and boom that was it. Immediately after landing in San Francisco, myself and my brother set off for the house here (where I lived with my father, and my most excellent best friend Mike). Anyway we've been so busy trying to figure things out, first the funeral services and the associated costs of said things.
I buried my father on Saturday the 13th, and while theres still an immense amount of work ahead of me as far as securing my place to live, hopefully keeping the property, government sequesters keeping a death certificate from being issued for up to and longer than 6 months, etc.. I think the reality of everything that we've been doing is finally hitting me.
My father is gone, I'll never see him again, I'll never hear him coming home from down the street on his new motorcycle, We'll never goto an airshow ever again, I'll never get to take him to Australia (like we spoke about the very last time I saw him alive), I'll never get to introduce him to Jackie, and my Spanish family, we'll never goto the beach again, or anything.
My life has completely changed, I'm not who I once was, and I'm afraid of what the world is going to be like without him by my side. . I'm sorry i'm rambling a bit here, but I really need all the love and attention I can get right now, I'm so alone, so sad, depressed.
I don't know who I am anymore.
Thankfully I'm pretty well versed in that aspect of my travel, and I really didn't have any problems getting back home. I had a lot of time on the flights to come to grips with the situation, but how can you ever really grasp the fact that your father is dead and you'll never see him again?
You can't.
I never got to say goodbye, I never got to hear his last wishes, etc. It's just like a plug was pulled, and boom that was it. Immediately after landing in San Francisco, myself and my brother set off for the house here (where I lived with my father, and my most excellent best friend Mike). Anyway we've been so busy trying to figure things out, first the funeral services and the associated costs of said things.
I buried my father on Saturday the 13th, and while theres still an immense amount of work ahead of me as far as securing my place to live, hopefully keeping the property, government sequesters keeping a death certificate from being issued for up to and longer than 6 months, etc.. I think the reality of everything that we've been doing is finally hitting me.
My father is gone, I'll never see him again, I'll never hear him coming home from down the street on his new motorcycle, We'll never goto an airshow ever again, I'll never get to take him to Australia (like we spoke about the very last time I saw him alive), I'll never get to introduce him to Jackie, and my Spanish family, we'll never goto the beach again, or anything.
My life has completely changed, I'm not who I once was, and I'm afraid of what the world is going to be like without him by my side. . I'm sorry i'm rambling a bit here, but I really need all the love and attention I can get right now, I'm so alone, so sad, depressed.
I don't know who I am anymore.
Whilst there's nobody that can (or would hopefully never dare to try) replace the place in your life that your dad took up, you do have others that love and care about you. Most notably Jackie - a very affectionate and supportive soul indeed! I know none of this could ever bring your dad back, but I hope that their respect, love, and support will help you through these truly testing times and see you through the other side feeling emotionally stronger after it all.
*gives an extra hug to finish off* <3