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Happy Birthday: Confessions I'll probably regret later
12 years ago
Here it is, the twenty first. Another step closer to a most comfortable grave. Shout out to the giver of a spectacular gift, the ghostbusters proton pack backpack. You rule!
My mother unknowingly gave me a new somewhat creepy outlook on life for my birthday. She happened to bring home a printed out article about identifying a sociopath due to a long set of criteria. I looked through it and found I was able to answer "sometimes" or "yes" to all of the questions. Soooo I guess i've been a sociopath all this time? Who knew?
I'm not sure how to feel about it. In fact, the only feeling I can really get from this silly diagnosis is feeling a little weird BECAUSE I don't feel anything about it. Kinda like: "uhm... this is supposed to be upsetting news, right?" Finally having some sort of explanation for the emotionless numb feeling I tend to get is kinda nice. And all at the same time I can't help but think that maybe the article is a buncha bullsnooki or perhaps i'm just doing that hypochondriac thing.
But say the test is real and my answers are valid and i'm a sociopath. So what? I like to think i'm pretty benevolent about it. I've uplifted so many spirits, brightened so many days, been so kind to so many people and made their lives better... does it really matter that I secretly hate half of them? I wouldn't go out and kill a whole bunch of people because such an act would be both utterly pointless, and totally selfish. I've only really hurt a handful of people, and most of them did half the work to themselves. If I manipulate others to get my way, I ensure that they still benefit from it, because fair's fair. Even if they've been manipulated solely for my entertainment, I still find some way to please them later. Kinda like giving a dog a treat after you pretended to throw the tennis ball so you can watch him fruitlessly search in some bushes for a minute.
Not exactly certain why I'm throwing this out here. I guess I've spent so much time discussing the subject internally, I crave for input from someone who might think differently. Someone to say: "you're kind of a conceited bitch, but you're no sociopath." Or a voice saying: "yes you're certainly fucked in the head. Seek help." or what I suppose I'm really hoping for: "Ehh, you're a borderline sociopath, sure, but it's nothing to worry about. Sociopath isn't even that dirty or dangerous of a description. Stay the course, you'll be fine."
I'm quite certain that my final words will be: "This won't end well."
My mother unknowingly gave me a new somewhat creepy outlook on life for my birthday. She happened to bring home a printed out article about identifying a sociopath due to a long set of criteria. I looked through it and found I was able to answer "sometimes" or "yes" to all of the questions. Soooo I guess i've been a sociopath all this time? Who knew?
I'm not sure how to feel about it. In fact, the only feeling I can really get from this silly diagnosis is feeling a little weird BECAUSE I don't feel anything about it. Kinda like: "uhm... this is supposed to be upsetting news, right?" Finally having some sort of explanation for the emotionless numb feeling I tend to get is kinda nice. And all at the same time I can't help but think that maybe the article is a buncha bullsnooki or perhaps i'm just doing that hypochondriac thing.
But say the test is real and my answers are valid and i'm a sociopath. So what? I like to think i'm pretty benevolent about it. I've uplifted so many spirits, brightened so many days, been so kind to so many people and made their lives better... does it really matter that I secretly hate half of them? I wouldn't go out and kill a whole bunch of people because such an act would be both utterly pointless, and totally selfish. I've only really hurt a handful of people, and most of them did half the work to themselves. If I manipulate others to get my way, I ensure that they still benefit from it, because fair's fair. Even if they've been manipulated solely for my entertainment, I still find some way to please them later. Kinda like giving a dog a treat after you pretended to throw the tennis ball so you can watch him fruitlessly search in some bushes for a minute.
Not exactly certain why I'm throwing this out here. I guess I've spent so much time discussing the subject internally, I crave for input from someone who might think differently. Someone to say: "you're kind of a conceited bitch, but you're no sociopath." Or a voice saying: "yes you're certainly fucked in the head. Seek help." or what I suppose I'm really hoping for: "Ehh, you're a borderline sociopath, sure, but it's nothing to worry about. Sociopath isn't even that dirty or dangerous of a description. Stay the course, you'll be fine."
I'm quite certain that my final words will be: "This won't end well."
