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:/
12 years ago
[ Silberry.ca | DeviantArt | Instagram | Tumblr | Kofi ] Just a stress relief journal for me. You don't need to read it if you don't want to.
Do you ever have it where you're so tired that you end up saying things you don't mean aloud? Aggressive things that people don't deserve or just things that, in order to save face, you normally make a point of not saying these opinions to people who are not close to you. I've been doing that a lot lately, both online and in real life, but mostly in real life. Needless to say, it's extremely frustrating. It's like my mouth is running off on its own and my brain, which is so extremely exhausted at this time, cannot stay ahead of my mouth to keep it in its place. I've noticed it a lot this month especially. I end up saying stupid things, answering very easy questions incorrectly, saying arrogant things, I've been snapping at people, etc. I end up having to apologize after the damage is already done. Or sometimes something I am thinking, that normally SHOULD STAY in my head as a thought/opinion, ends up being verbally spoken and I have no way of ensuring that that piece of information or opinion does not reach the person I'm talking about. And not only that, the person I just said it to... I can only imagine how they are judging me as a person for even thinking these thoughts. I just... ARGH. I just don't want to end up unintentionally burning bridges that could have easily been avoided if I just kept my damn mouth shut. What the heck, man. I just want it to stop. I don't want to look like a gossipy bitch, especially in such a small industry. It has got to stop but I don't know how to remedy it. And no, it's not a "time of the month" thing, it's been like this the whole flippin' month and has happened here and there over the years, too. I'm just feeling a lot of collective hate for myself by myself lately, as well as for my actions / verbal opinions lately, and the guilt of it all. Whether these things I've said were spoken recently or ages ago, in the end, it has really been eating me up.
Sorry, I just needed to type this out and get it off my chest in a place that no one I know really goes to.
I hope things are better for the rest of you,
~Sil
Do you ever have it where you're so tired that you end up saying things you don't mean aloud? Aggressive things that people don't deserve or just things that, in order to save face, you normally make a point of not saying these opinions to people who are not close to you. I've been doing that a lot lately, both online and in real life, but mostly in real life. Needless to say, it's extremely frustrating. It's like my mouth is running off on its own and my brain, which is so extremely exhausted at this time, cannot stay ahead of my mouth to keep it in its place. I've noticed it a lot this month especially. I end up saying stupid things, answering very easy questions incorrectly, saying arrogant things, I've been snapping at people, etc. I end up having to apologize after the damage is already done. Or sometimes something I am thinking, that normally SHOULD STAY in my head as a thought/opinion, ends up being verbally spoken and I have no way of ensuring that that piece of information or opinion does not reach the person I'm talking about. And not only that, the person I just said it to... I can only imagine how they are judging me as a person for even thinking these thoughts. I just... ARGH. I just don't want to end up unintentionally burning bridges that could have easily been avoided if I just kept my damn mouth shut. What the heck, man. I just want it to stop. I don't want to look like a gossipy bitch, especially in such a small industry. It has got to stop but I don't know how to remedy it. And no, it's not a "time of the month" thing, it's been like this the whole flippin' month and has happened here and there over the years, too. I'm just feeling a lot of collective hate for myself by myself lately, as well as for my actions / verbal opinions lately, and the guilt of it all. Whether these things I've said were spoken recently or ages ago, in the end, it has really been eating me up.
Sorry, I just needed to type this out and get it off my chest in a place that no one I know really goes to.
I hope things are better for the rest of you,
~Sil
I wish MSN was still an option. Haha. Friggin' Microsoft, getting rid of it. Grr. I've used it for at least a decade! @_@ If all else fails, we can always talk here on FA.
My girlfriend has been really stressed out lately, and she spent more time asleep than awake this weekend and feels a LOT better.