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This is gonna be a ****ing wall of text!
12 years ago
I have postive things to say (kinda? It's more like a warmth from me to you!) and negative things to say (it's just a little admission to stuff that's been bothering me and stuff that has been on my mind lately when I see certain peoples profiles that I used to talk to daily in the past (whether years or months ago) and I'm upset and wanna vent it out)
The negative stuff is the first segment! The positive (or more warm, I guess?) stuff is the second segment! Separated by lines! You can skin the bad, or skip the good, or skip both, or read both. Doesn't matter to me! Enjoy!
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
THE NEGATIVE:
I'm cutting some of the fat from my life.
People claim to care, claim to love you, or trust you, or want to be a part of your life, and then they just never really talk to you. Maybe a few hugs and kisses, a few well wishes here or there, but they're never there during the hard times, they're not even there during some of the best times.
They're just absent. These people aren't friends to me anymore, they're acquaintances. I still care about 'em, but I can't be expected to put out the effort all the time.
There's plenty of people in the past who add me, and I warn them I'm a busy individual, have essentially two jobs and other things I'm working on - and I have rare spare time, especially until I finally move out in a week or two, and they say they understand, they'll message me occasionally.
They don't. Once or twice, make excuses, and don't really message me. I try to get out there and message people I haven't spoken to, but after a few one word responses or little "*snuggles you up*" a few times, it feels like I'm just wasting my time.
I'm not gonna name names or anything, and I'm sure most of you reading this actually give a ****, so this is likely not referring to you.
Also, listen, I'm not trying to be dramatic, these are just the facts lol. I'm getting sick of having 20+ chats open on Skype+MSN Combo (the new one, since MSN is gone now, and I've merged my accounts) and some of them are just "*snuggles*" "*Snuggles back*" "How are you?" "Okay" 4 hours later "Gnight" and then its done. I mean, what even is that? Hahaha... I dunno!
Not to mention the people that used to call me son, brother, sister, mother, father, family, or otherwise, and then they just don't have time for me anymore. They don't care enough about someone they claimed was close enough to be loved like family to even remember me? Put me on their page of fake family? Chat me up? Text me? Twitter me? Aaaaaanything? Bah humbug, it feels like it was just flowery words of a day long past.
And listen, I take my fair share of blame, I haven't been around for a few months because, as I said previously, I'm working like 2 jobs, I'm flooded with things I have to do at home, when I have a spare moment I'm always trying to just relax and unwind, and so I don't get around to texting or messaging those that I should, and I'm sorry.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
POSITIVE STUFF:
I love you guys. You know I love all of you, regardless of the good, the bad, or the ugly we've had in the past.
You know I'd do anything I could for any of you, that I want you to be happy.
I'm moving out in a week or two, gonna finally be able to be my own furry gay self. This means more voice chats if I can, more artwork practice (Furry stuff, YAY!) more singing and perhaps even trying to take piano lessons (maybe I can become a furry singer? lmao, I'm nowhere NEAR good enough, but it'll be fun) I can try to be more creative, try to be more of myself.
I can commission more art, hang more art on my walls, not be afraid of being who I am.
For those of you I met or got to hang out with at Texas Furry Fiesta - my first con ever, thank you for making the trip one of the most memorable events in my life. You guys got me hooked, I have the FurCon bug, and I'll be looking forward to going to plenty more.
I'm getting more in-depth with playing and working on bug-testing for LoL, and I'm finding out our program will probably end up being a major program in the coming months, along with the Wrenchmen program. So that's good that I earned myself that position.
I'll be sending Game Grumps around 10 to 12 games in the coming few days, with a few notes and kind words, so you might get to see someone with a fancy alcohol-related name pop up in the beginning of one or two of their games or something. It'd be either my brothers name, or mine, or both. (Out of 12 games, I'm not expecting them to play them all and it be good enough for Grumps action, and I'm expecting they may have some of these games already.)
I appreciate everyone being patient with me through my depression the past few weeks, losing my uncle, watching his little girl crying on his grave, me drinking a ton, family being pretty cruel to me lately, just everything dragging me down, making me feel like I'm worthless and not good enough, and you guys stuck with me through most of it. It means more to me than you'll ever know.
I love you guys, and you all mean so much to me.
So, you may have noticed more art lately, oh yeah, gonna be getting more of that. You should (once I move out) start seeing more traditional art that I make myself pop up on this page as well. Hopefully a chapter or two more of the book that has been on hiatus. Hopefully I'll get hired by a gaming company, but if not, I can work on Nursing. I love healing people, or bringing people joy. So nursing or gaming, sounds like a victory either way.
I completed my first ever REAL job when I got laid off at the end of being a Ski/Snowboard Instructor this last month. It was pretty disheartening to see the snow melting and know my time was almost up, but they loved how hard I worked and how much I devoted myself to the job. I wasn't there to have fun, I was there to bring a smile to children and little kids faces and make sure they learned something. I'm proud to say they promised me a position if I come back next year (but I'm moving ;.;) and they practically promised me employee of the month the first month I come back if I stay. I had a few letters of recommendation from them, as well as a few customer feedback cards that said I was absolutely amazing. That was really nice to hear, and feel in my heart.
Let me think, anything else... hm...
Oh, I should be getting art of a Gryphon named Faralynn (Fara for short) within the next few months, and a ref sheet/more art of my Sergal in the next few months. Now that I'm moving out, its time to finally be myself!
You should come visit sometime! I plan on going to plenty of cons and getting a fursuit of my bunny (or my sergal?) soon though.
Love you all, thanks for reading!
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
That's everything! I know, it's massive, but it's stuff I've been compiling in my head and heart for the last few months.
Love you all <3
P.S. I figure this would be a funny time to say all of this, considering what tomorrow is ^^
The negative stuff is the first segment! The positive (or more warm, I guess?) stuff is the second segment! Separated by lines! You can skin the bad, or skip the good, or skip both, or read both. Doesn't matter to me! Enjoy!
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
THE NEGATIVE:
I'm cutting some of the fat from my life.
People claim to care, claim to love you, or trust you, or want to be a part of your life, and then they just never really talk to you. Maybe a few hugs and kisses, a few well wishes here or there, but they're never there during the hard times, they're not even there during some of the best times.
They're just absent. These people aren't friends to me anymore, they're acquaintances. I still care about 'em, but I can't be expected to put out the effort all the time.
There's plenty of people in the past who add me, and I warn them I'm a busy individual, have essentially two jobs and other things I'm working on - and I have rare spare time, especially until I finally move out in a week or two, and they say they understand, they'll message me occasionally.
They don't. Once or twice, make excuses, and don't really message me. I try to get out there and message people I haven't spoken to, but after a few one word responses or little "*snuggles you up*" a few times, it feels like I'm just wasting my time.
I'm not gonna name names or anything, and I'm sure most of you reading this actually give a ****, so this is likely not referring to you.
Also, listen, I'm not trying to be dramatic, these are just the facts lol. I'm getting sick of having 20+ chats open on Skype+MSN Combo (the new one, since MSN is gone now, and I've merged my accounts) and some of them are just "*snuggles*" "*Snuggles back*" "How are you?" "Okay" 4 hours later "Gnight" and then its done. I mean, what even is that? Hahaha... I dunno!
Not to mention the people that used to call me son, brother, sister, mother, father, family, or otherwise, and then they just don't have time for me anymore. They don't care enough about someone they claimed was close enough to be loved like family to even remember me? Put me on their page of fake family? Chat me up? Text me? Twitter me? Aaaaaanything? Bah humbug, it feels like it was just flowery words of a day long past.
And listen, I take my fair share of blame, I haven't been around for a few months because, as I said previously, I'm working like 2 jobs, I'm flooded with things I have to do at home, when I have a spare moment I'm always trying to just relax and unwind, and so I don't get around to texting or messaging those that I should, and I'm sorry.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
POSITIVE STUFF:
I love you guys. You know I love all of you, regardless of the good, the bad, or the ugly we've had in the past.
You know I'd do anything I could for any of you, that I want you to be happy.
I'm moving out in a week or two, gonna finally be able to be my own furry gay self. This means more voice chats if I can, more artwork practice (Furry stuff, YAY!) more singing and perhaps even trying to take piano lessons (maybe I can become a furry singer? lmao, I'm nowhere NEAR good enough, but it'll be fun) I can try to be more creative, try to be more of myself.
I can commission more art, hang more art on my walls, not be afraid of being who I am.
For those of you I met or got to hang out with at Texas Furry Fiesta - my first con ever, thank you for making the trip one of the most memorable events in my life. You guys got me hooked, I have the FurCon bug, and I'll be looking forward to going to plenty more.
I'm getting more in-depth with playing and working on bug-testing for LoL, and I'm finding out our program will probably end up being a major program in the coming months, along with the Wrenchmen program. So that's good that I earned myself that position.
I'll be sending Game Grumps around 10 to 12 games in the coming few days, with a few notes and kind words, so you might get to see someone with a fancy alcohol-related name pop up in the beginning of one or two of their games or something. It'd be either my brothers name, or mine, or both. (Out of 12 games, I'm not expecting them to play them all and it be good enough for Grumps action, and I'm expecting they may have some of these games already.)
I appreciate everyone being patient with me through my depression the past few weeks, losing my uncle, watching his little girl crying on his grave, me drinking a ton, family being pretty cruel to me lately, just everything dragging me down, making me feel like I'm worthless and not good enough, and you guys stuck with me through most of it. It means more to me than you'll ever know.
I love you guys, and you all mean so much to me.
So, you may have noticed more art lately, oh yeah, gonna be getting more of that. You should (once I move out) start seeing more traditional art that I make myself pop up on this page as well. Hopefully a chapter or two more of the book that has been on hiatus. Hopefully I'll get hired by a gaming company, but if not, I can work on Nursing. I love healing people, or bringing people joy. So nursing or gaming, sounds like a victory either way.
I completed my first ever REAL job when I got laid off at the end of being a Ski/Snowboard Instructor this last month. It was pretty disheartening to see the snow melting and know my time was almost up, but they loved how hard I worked and how much I devoted myself to the job. I wasn't there to have fun, I was there to bring a smile to children and little kids faces and make sure they learned something. I'm proud to say they promised me a position if I come back next year (but I'm moving ;.;) and they practically promised me employee of the month the first month I come back if I stay. I had a few letters of recommendation from them, as well as a few customer feedback cards that said I was absolutely amazing. That was really nice to hear, and feel in my heart.
Let me think, anything else... hm...
Oh, I should be getting art of a Gryphon named Faralynn (Fara for short) within the next few months, and a ref sheet/more art of my Sergal in the next few months. Now that I'm moving out, its time to finally be myself!
You should come visit sometime! I plan on going to plenty of cons and getting a fursuit of my bunny (or my sergal?) soon though.
Love you all, thanks for reading!
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
That's everything! I know, it's massive, but it's stuff I've been compiling in my head and heart for the last few months.
Love you all <3
P.S. I figure this would be a funny time to say all of this, considering what tomorrow is ^^
Groups and Associations!:
You don't need those people who just pretend to be your friends. You've got people that really care about you and want to see you do and be well.
It's good to see all the art that is coming and will be coming soon. I'm also glad to hear that the move will free you a bit, letting you spread your wings (gryph reference; too soon?- oh gosh, there's another one just in that saying. <3) and be more in yourself.
We all love you, too! :> <4