I've really been going through one of those difficult times recently. I'm sorry if I've kept it in or whatever, but I'm really not one to wear my emotions on my sleeves. I typically just shrug off my problems and be the best Zeph I can be. But it's been worse this week than any time I can actively recall, because I've been so powerless to stop my mind, step back, and truly shrug it off.

Though I've tried to hold it back, I know that I haven't fully been myself in awhile. I feel sorry for my friends because I know that I've probably been more cold to them than I normally would be. I've often felt throughout this week that only now have I really begun appreciating friendship, and here I go, running away from it, running away from everything.

That's what I'm going to do. Run. I'm just going to stop being Zeph for a week or so. Most of my social interaction takes place on the internet. I don't need to go into my exact circumstances for you to understand that. If you want to make fun of me, so what, I don't really care. But I need to run from it. The only way I'm going to conquer my feelings is by distracting myself long enough and well enough for them to dull out.

How I am going to do this: I am not going to sign on AIM or MSN for at least this week. I'm not going to visit FA, fchan, AGNPH, or any other site of a similar nature. I'm not going to write. I'm not going to draw. I'm not going to let any of Zeph's problems bother me. I'm just going to be that person behind the online name and put it behind me. I'm going to play video games all day when work is done. I'm going to get addicted to something fun. I might try go outside to socialize more if I muster up the courage. It doesn't really matter what I do, just as long as it isn't what I'm used to doing.

Loneliness and lovesickness are two very powerful emotions that I've quickly grown to hate and despise. You'd think that, being a writer, I'd be better prepared for it and all. This is the kind of stuff that I write about. Yet in my stories, it always just magically seems to work out somehow.

One thing personal I need to share right now, because I really am down: I was in love once before, or at least, so I thought. It was just after Valentine's Day. She had some of those candy hearts. I couldn't eat any of them, because I personally don't eat anything with gelatin in them (do you know what gelatin is made of? :x), but she gave me one anyway. It was a purple heart and on it read "LOVE STORY."

I still have that candy heart. It's words are torturing me now more than ever: all I've been doing is writing love stories, never living them. In the morning, I am going to take that heart, split it down the middle, then throw those two pieces as far as I can throw them and never worry about it again.

I apologize in advance if this affects my stories. I'll probably just stick to writing Middle of Nowhere when I'm bored and feel like writing. I don't know how many other great masterpieces I'll write. It used to be my escape, but I think the less of a feeling of longing I have to feel, the happier I'll be in the long run.

Thank you, everyone, particularly those that care about me the most for putting up with me. I'll be back probably Saturday night or sometime Sunday. Don't expect a response on anything until then, unless you know my e-mail address, which I might check still periodically. And I'll be over everything by then, so don't worry about me.