Well, kinda scrapped my story line. It's not that I can't think of material for the bulk of it, because that hits me at least once a week. It's the opening, the start, The Cataclysm. My last idea fell through because I didn't realize that Mexico was already going through a rebellion, and would devote more attention to that than getting back at us. Outside of that, I couldn't think of a different country that would ruthlessly get their society under control and use this moment of pure chaos and confusion to get back at the prominent superpower. Of course my writing style will translate back to the days when war was simple, nation versus nation, country versus country, man versus man. Now war is fought not over tangible things such as boundaries and resources, but ideals and power. Now I don't know what would spark such a thing... What would unite people to a banner, a face, or a goal? I just don't know. Now it will have to be on an indefinite hold until I can locate that draw, because the initial spark of the 2nd American Civil war was to be fundamental flavor to the story, affecting what strategies were adopted, what which region felt about those that were forced through the change, and how the resistances fought the main power of the region and with what. Now I'm back to the drawing board and social observation, I guess. I honestly don't know anymore.

And then there's what's going on in my life, which is little to nothing at all. I used to be a Live Action Role Play enthusiast and combatant, but a recent injury (3 weeks ago, I think) might have crippled my ability to partake and fully enjoy that as I've used to, while I'm currently the safety officer and person to make sure games are going on every Sunday. Couple that with a recent (and current) bout of depression, and things just seem to be spiraling in the down slope (though that may be the depression speaking). I currently feel I've completely lost the drive to put forth the effort to make the game fun for everyone else, which is something of a requirement of the position. Safety is the easy part, just make sure the foam weapons wont poke out an eye or something, make sure there's enough padding that the core wont stab anyone, and mostly make sure that the games are being held in an area that wont attempt to cripple the other players like it did me. The rulebook makes that the first few bits easy, and the rest is just careful observation of the lay of the land. Couple that with my recent drop of completion of courses in college (which shouldn't have been a problem if I wasn't lazy about it), I really cut down on the things to look forward to.

The reason I chose this medium to voice my woes is that most of the people I actually interact with actually look here, so it feels safe to let it out here and not have to worry about the physical conversations that are awkward. They usually go like so: (In quotes is my friend(s) with my responses in after) "Man, so I read your post on [insert whatever medium that they frequented and have me friended on], and I hate to see ya like this. Why don't we go out and try to cheer ya up?!" Really, what is there to do? "Well, we could play that Amtgard thing, you like doing that." Thanks to my ankle injury, it nearly cripples me for two days if I'm not careful. "Ah, well... We can go see a movie..." We both know that neither of us can afford it. "We can play a video game at my place." I'd rather not, we barely have the same taste, and then there's usually not enough controllers or systems capable of playing them so that all involved could have fun... "Well, we could just talk about stuff..." Oh, well I think we are, and at this point we'll be talking about what to talk about, which we typically have little enough in common to carry through a meaningful conversation... "Oh yeah..." Sorry for dragging things down... "It's not your fault man, hope things get better." Don't worry, you know I always have pulled through before, this is merely an emotional speed bump in life. I kid you not, that's how they usually go, it just takes more words to get there, and I try to keep the downers to a minimum. I'm typically the person who can't stand to see his friends down and tries to brighten up their day, usually at least attempting to get a genuine smile out of them, and then proclaiming victory once the smile has been achieved. Then things typically improve while I'm around after because the general mood of the area has brightened.

Yes, although I know that this may be viewed by other people eventually, it will hopefully be long pass that point in which it would be meaningful to leave a comment. I'm not exactly asking you (the reader) to not leave a comment, but please know that when I'm in this mood, I regret even letting people know because it feels like I'm dragging them down with me, and that's the last think I want. What I wish to see is that those around me have better times, that they enjoy themselves and those around them. I actually go out of my way to see this to happen. Although this makes me look like a doormat, rest assured I've got a solid backbone, and that I let not a single person trample on my ideals, which are relatively simple and hard to offend. If there's one thing I'd like you to gather from this, it is that no matter how down I feel, how out I'm out, is that when I say that I wish you all to have a good day, I'm not filling the empty silence with just as empty words, I really mean it. And that if there's anything I can do to make it better for you, I will try, and if I can't; I will apologize and do my best to see that it happens anyway.

To those that have made it this far in reading it, I thank you for listening to my rambling, and I really do wish you the best of days. Even if you skimmed through it or just scrolled to the bottom, I thank you anyway and wish you no less. Please, enjoy the times you can, for they will help bear through the times you can't. And if you ever need help, just let me know, and I'll see what I can do to make it better.