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I feel an explaination is needed
12 years ago
General
I'm sure I offended a lot of people who didn't just outright come and say it. And I have to say I don't really like when people do that.
I don't like using this as an excuse, but rather an explanation; I'm pretty sure many who still bother with me are aware that I have Asperger's. And I do mean it sincerely, I am not one of those self-diagnosed people out there who use it as an excuse to be a jerk. In fact the opposite; I WANT people to let me know when I've hurt them because honestly, most of the time I have NO clue.
It's not that I don't care. In fact, many people with Asperger's are more empathetic than their neurotypical counterparts, partly because we are often significantly more sensitive. However we often come off as rude and uncaring because we have trouble realizing how we come off, as well as being aware of other people's feelings without being directly told those feelings. Now, assuming the emotional state of another person based on social cues is possible, but it is true that it's something that we have to learn, like one would learn math. Anyway, ask anyone who knows me well and they'll tell you I am one of the most empathetic people they know, [b]ESPECIALLY/b] towards the disabled and mentally ill (I CANNOT stress that enough). They would also say the same thing about me being honest, which brings me to my next point.
I am extremely direct in how I talk. And I do mean extremely. I've learned that most people talk very indirectly, they don't outright say what they mean or what they are thinking, they avoid directly saying so many things and talk through implication rather than the words themselves. I cannot do this. Aside from sarcasm (which I am quite fond of) I say what I mean. It's extremely difficult for me to lie. I am blunt. I know for a fact that online (less so in real life, because I am softspoken to an extreme) I can come off as rude and angry (In fact, if I AM upset, I'm actually less direct). Please let me know when I am doing this because 99% of the time I am completely unaware. Do not assume I am implying something, or actively trying to hurt you, because most the time I am not. I hate hurting peoples feelings.
I feel all this has lead to a lot of misunderstanding both here and on other sites. Here, there were a few babyfurs who decided to take things I've said completely without context or understanding and made it seem like the absolute opposite of what I actually meant. They had made journals about me ragging on me and encouraging people to call me horrible things behind my back. That is not okay. It really isn't. Because if you have a problem with me, say it to my face instead of spreading your lies (for example, claiming I'm sexist when I react negatively to me *not Aura* being called a woman, when the true reason is because I exist outside of the gender binary) and mocking me to people you don't even know. And that is why I said what I did about babyfurs, because it was the final straw. It's why I left, but I've come back on the realization that even though my fading interest in the furry fandom and this site is real, if I leave, then the bullies win.
Now, I have only met a SINGLE babyfur who did not hurt or betray me in any way, or otherwise wasn't a complete immature selfish idiot. I see them act all welcoming but in general I've never seen a group that is more exclusionary and cliqueish. Even babyfurs that I like and respect, I feel like I've been shut out by them. And not due to lack of trying. Like they secretly hate me and all that niceness they outwardly show is just fake. Some of these people are not bad or unkind (I can think of 3 in particular) but I still feel hurt by them.
This group also, is not just like that to me. I've seen babyfurs outright attacked by other babyfurs for asking for help in a dire situation, despite the fact that many others do this. I do not believe babyfurs are generous, rather, they only help you out if you're popular. Because that's what I've seen. It's basically how the furry fandom itself is but made 1000x worse.
This does not mean that all babyfurs are awful. I'm sure there are plenty out there that I have not met yet who are kind, mature and truly accepting rather than it just being a show. But as I've said I've only ever met one who I feel fits those things.
I do hope that people take the time to read through this. I do not post things for the sole sake of attention and this one is no different. Yes, sometimes I write and draw things to vent, it's not a crime. I just want people to understand where I'm coming from, and I apologize if I've done a poor job of that in the past.
I don't like using this as an excuse, but rather an explanation; I'm pretty sure many who still bother with me are aware that I have Asperger's. And I do mean it sincerely, I am not one of those self-diagnosed people out there who use it as an excuse to be a jerk. In fact the opposite; I WANT people to let me know when I've hurt them because honestly, most of the time I have NO clue.
It's not that I don't care. In fact, many people with Asperger's are more empathetic than their neurotypical counterparts, partly because we are often significantly more sensitive. However we often come off as rude and uncaring because we have trouble realizing how we come off, as well as being aware of other people's feelings without being directly told those feelings. Now, assuming the emotional state of another person based on social cues is possible, but it is true that it's something that we have to learn, like one would learn math. Anyway, ask anyone who knows me well and they'll tell you I am one of the most empathetic people they know, [b]ESPECIALLY/b] towards the disabled and mentally ill (I CANNOT stress that enough). They would also say the same thing about me being honest, which brings me to my next point.
I am extremely direct in how I talk. And I do mean extremely. I've learned that most people talk very indirectly, they don't outright say what they mean or what they are thinking, they avoid directly saying so many things and talk through implication rather than the words themselves. I cannot do this. Aside from sarcasm (which I am quite fond of) I say what I mean. It's extremely difficult for me to lie. I am blunt. I know for a fact that online (less so in real life, because I am softspoken to an extreme) I can come off as rude and angry (In fact, if I AM upset, I'm actually less direct). Please let me know when I am doing this because 99% of the time I am completely unaware. Do not assume I am implying something, or actively trying to hurt you, because most the time I am not. I hate hurting peoples feelings.
I feel all this has lead to a lot of misunderstanding both here and on other sites. Here, there were a few babyfurs who decided to take things I've said completely without context or understanding and made it seem like the absolute opposite of what I actually meant. They had made journals about me ragging on me and encouraging people to call me horrible things behind my back. That is not okay. It really isn't. Because if you have a problem with me, say it to my face instead of spreading your lies (for example, claiming I'm sexist when I react negatively to me *not Aura* being called a woman, when the true reason is because I exist outside of the gender binary) and mocking me to people you don't even know. And that is why I said what I did about babyfurs, because it was the final straw. It's why I left, but I've come back on the realization that even though my fading interest in the furry fandom and this site is real, if I leave, then the bullies win.
Now, I have only met a SINGLE babyfur who did not hurt or betray me in any way, or otherwise wasn't a complete immature selfish idiot. I see them act all welcoming but in general I've never seen a group that is more exclusionary and cliqueish. Even babyfurs that I like and respect, I feel like I've been shut out by them. And not due to lack of trying. Like they secretly hate me and all that niceness they outwardly show is just fake. Some of these people are not bad or unkind (I can think of 3 in particular) but I still feel hurt by them.
This group also, is not just like that to me. I've seen babyfurs outright attacked by other babyfurs for asking for help in a dire situation, despite the fact that many others do this. I do not believe babyfurs are generous, rather, they only help you out if you're popular. Because that's what I've seen. It's basically how the furry fandom itself is but made 1000x worse.
This does not mean that all babyfurs are awful. I'm sure there are plenty out there that I have not met yet who are kind, mature and truly accepting rather than it just being a show. But as I've said I've only ever met one who I feel fits those things.
I do hope that people take the time to read through this. I do not post things for the sole sake of attention and this one is no different. Yes, sometimes I write and draw things to vent, it's not a crime. I just want people to understand where I'm coming from, and I apologize if I've done a poor job of that in the past.
Sorry if I'm one of those who come off as selfish. I don't intend to, but I have trouble being social or knowing what to say in the right moment, and I have trouble trusting even people I've known for years. Also part of me was worried you hated me, too (I would not blame you in the slightest). But I think what you say makes sense, and I don't blame you for the way you feel towards the community as a whole. I feel the same in some regards.
I wouldn't call you selfish and I don't hate you, I have no reason to. If it's about how you made all those different accounts, it was obvious to me, and I don't think badly of you for it because you were young and trying to find your identity. However, I don't like how you wish to be disabled, especially how you wish to be in a wheelchair and incontinent for real, because of my own disabilities those things are extremely real possibilities for me and I dread having that happen to me (I already have to use a cane at times). I think people who wish those things upon themselves don't truly consider how incredibly inconveniencing and unpleasant those things can be. I also feel like my attempts at trying to be friendly were unwanted (something I think I mentioned in the journal), which is why I stopped trying. But I certainly don't dislike you.
I hope I haven't done anything to offend you and if I have, I apologize now.
And no, you haven't done anything. I believe I messaged you before to let you know. I guess I'd say I haven't really talked to you personally, or seen you post anything mean, so everything I said doesn't apply to you at all. From what I've seen I think you're one of the few nice ones.