note: don't have to read, just need to get this out

Im just tired of never having anything for myself. I can't even work yet still due to the mental issues and the fact that still, after what, two years, the medication is doing little but keeping me semi-stable. What money I do make on the side with art, when I think I might be able to save it up to get some new clothes(I haven't bought new clothes in over a year, I wear the same pair of pants over and over pretty much). I need it to buy food. I need it to buy medication for mom. I realize I don't "NEED" to take care of her, but there is a large difference between thinking that and being able to say it when you deal with a blood relative you might not like, but you still have to love.

She has osteoporosis, she could break a bone by bending wrong. She has false teeth, she needs a specific expensive diet for her bones and her kidneys. She needs pain killers. She refuses to get checked out for mental issues(And I quote, "I am not crazy"), but I'm certain she has OCD and PTSD to say the least. This does not help my own issues, especially when I have my manic episodes of wanting to scream at her for making the least noise, for breathing to loud, for chewing loud enough that I can hear.

I just want to be able to buy myself a shirt and not feel bad about it. I want to be able to have my quiet time, when I don't have to hear anything but the noise of air and birds outside.

But I cant, so Ill deal.