Im sorry if I seemed quiet from this weekend. She was 90 when she passed.

Mamma wasnt one of the grandmothers I really liked much, no she wasnt abusive no she wasnt horrible, she just was...well not quite sane and nor I dont mean shes insane either, I guess its hard to explain. I have two familes, my moms and dads side, since they wernt married when I was born, so I have my moms side, Donald (thats her last name) and my fathers, Wolford. My moms side of the family has some strange people, but they are more the regular people in life. My mom went through hell in her childhood, rehab and such. Its amazing to see how bad her life was back then and to see how she is now, fooled me! But im looking at the woman I see now, and that is my mother. But her mom, Mamma, was a bit strict on things. She was lonely after my pappa passed but that was back like....9 years ago. Last time I visited her was 2010 or 11 I cant remember. Just something on my mothers side, it wasnt my mom, just her family. Its funny to know that She even sees it, and she doesnt talk to her sisters often as she had before.

My mom cant make it to her funeral in Florida because of money issues, and she Just moved to a new house with her fiance, yes, shes engaged lol hard to believe

I dont know what to think, but I do remember the good and the bad. She was strict on things, but she never hit me, never was angry. Though the last time I was visiting her with my sis and mom, there was one time I was helping her gather chores and setting them up outside and was asking for my sister to help with the chores, and I told her I can do it, but she wanted my sister. I didnt know rather to feel offended...or to feel like she was giving me time to relax. Like either she was thinking I couldnt do it right because of my age (i was fucking 19 for god sake) OR she only wants women to do the work and let the men relax, she did grow up when the states were like that. My mom caught that and her and mamma had a huge argument, even mamma was saying 'no' in a hesitant way, made me think that I felt offended and useless. But later she made it up to me and we spent the night together playing Yahtzee.

It is sad that me, my bro, sis and mom cant go to Florida for her funeral, we just cant. I have a job that I just stared on, no money, hell I know my mamma would not want me to push all that away, all that I worked hard for, for a visit to Florida. I know there will be a day ill come over and visit her grave. Its not disrespect, its knowing that things always cant go as we want them to. I have a good paying job in Illinois people, and Illinois is one of the toughest states to live in because of the tax, if your starting.

But I will miss her...she wasnt a bad woman, just she wasnt...part of this era. She was a different woman. Even though I was born more of a Wolford than a Donald, you still were my grandmother, you were still my family. I love you Mamma. You can finally rest. Never thought I would say this...

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