I've been forced to deal with some harsh truths lately. And one of them being, that I have absolutely zero peer support and zero friendship. The ones I was friends with I got rid of because they were always making fun of me for being fat or ugly, or being a slut and lying about it. Well I had enough. I wasn't going to let anyone make me feel worse than I already did. So now that those people are gone... I have no one. I don't even really have online friends either. Now more than ever, I feel like I'm alone, and no one gets me, and like I'm a freak. I don't fit in anywhere, even online. That's pretty pathetic when you think about it. I try to get out there, I try to make new friends, I try to be normal and it's not working. I'm too different. So much different, that I only found one person on this planet that can even comprehend who I am and how I function. Honestly, if it weren't for him, I'd be completely lost and alone, with no one and nothing.

I haven't really put a lot of my writing up here, well, because I'm ashamed of it and I don't think it's good enough. And the doubts are only amplified by the fact that I get little to no feedback at all and what I do have up there. I feel as if, if it's not furry related, no one here cares. And while yes, I am on a furry site, I thought I made good enough friends with you all that I could let you glimpse the one thing that no one else sees irl. My writing. I'm tired of opening myself up. Really, no feedback is worse than bad feedback.

Which brings this all to the clusterfuck that it is right now. I have no one. My best friend is a whore. My other best friend made fun of me for being a whore. One friend who'd rather think with his dick than stop his little baby mama from fucking with me. My family thinks I'm weird.

I really only had the three friends.... I don't talk to the one who makes fun of me anymore. I rarely talk to the one with decreasing moral values, and I haven't talked to the idiot guy since he told me that he was having sex with his baby mama again, when he said he wasn't. And since then I had to call the cops on her for harrassing me all the time. It had been going on for a year already.

I try to hang out with other people, and while I understand people do have lives and well, simply I don't. You can only get blown off so many times before you start wonder if they just don't want to be around you... I'm so hurt right now, I can't even comprehend it fully at the moment. I'm sure it'll all sink in when I go to bed and I'm the only one awake and the depression kicks in.

Why, when I try to change my life for the better, that the better people don't want to be around me? I've hurt people yes, but only a handful. What is everyone else's excuse?

I don't even know why I'm even typing this all out. Maybe cuz it makes me feel better just putting it all down. I don't know. No one's gonna read it. Nothing's gonna change. And I shall be here. Doing whatever I do.


Long story short. I'm not posting a single bit of my writings anymore. I always knew it was a pipe dream.