Time to make a confession. I know people will judge me bad for this but I can't live with the guilt no more.

I was in desperate times and I needed to make ends meet before I had a steady income on a regular basis.

Someone left a pie unguarded on a window ledge and when no one was looking, I ran across the grass and I.. I stuck my finger in the pie.. *whimper*

Then I pulled out a chunk of the filling and I ate it.. then I took another piece without wiping the saliva off my finger and i got it all in the pie.. *sob*

And then.. and then, I was trying to make it look like it was a bird or something, I was smearing it with my hands to try and cover the hole and the mess and .. and I accidentally pulled my pants down and sat ass-naked on the pie.. *wails*

Then.. it was only then I noticed the 'Keep Off The Grass' sign on the garden I was trespassing in. *BAWLS!*

I .. I hope you can forgive me..

Then when i was walking home I committed armed robbery and then held an elderly man hostage.. *sniffs*

That bit makes me feel better about myself though.