I was tempted to sign up with a dating site earlier today. Perhaps it's my annoying "womanish" traits (I'm a GUY I have no real biological clock, darnit!), perhaps it's too many sappy "ChristianMingle.com" commercials I've had to sit though in the past year - CM wasn't the dating site I was pondering by the way - perhaps the emotional difficulties from the last few weeks trying to rise up and strike me down again.

Ultimately, I decided against it. I very much would like to grow old with someone, but relationships like that are borne organically, through the rubbing of shoulders, bumping of elbows and the sharing of mutual interests that bring folks together. While there is a lot that Joshua Harris has written that I dislike, one thing that I do agree on: You shouldn't look for love per se, but instead, keep yourself available and allow yourself to be vulnerable. Love will come, or will be lead, to you.

Or for a more sentimental version: It's like that jewelry line by Jane Seymour, if you keep your heart open, love will find its way in.

Though, admittedly, between "love" wandering in and then wandering out, love wandering in and vandalizing my heart before marching out and me foolishly trying to lock love in once or twice, not to mention the other times I know I hurt others (purposely or not) I suppose I haven't had much success one way or another. It's a rat's life, I guess.

Vulnerability is so risky and difficult.