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Disrespectful Dads
12 years ago
So, person I know is on a dating site and has it marked that she does NOT want children and is not interested in dating someone with children.
Still she gets messages from fathers saying that she just needs to be open minded and meet their children to see just how great they are. Some men have outright lied about not having kids just to get her interested then of course reveal "surprise, I have kids!"
This lead to a discussion on just how fucked up that is.
For one, there are plenty of women that would be willing to date a man with children. They are not impossible to find, so there's no reason to swarm on the childfree woman.
What really bugs me about it is that these men are not respecting her personal choice. Essentially, what I got from a lot of the messages she showed me (which mostly read like "I know you SAY you don't want kids, but you just need to meet mine to know you'll change") is the fact that these men do not respect her as a person. The fact that their desire to have a woman in their lives outweighs that woman's desire to not be a step-mom/or a mother herself.
"I know you say you don't want children, but that doesn't matter. Your choices do not matter. My needs and wants outweigh yours."
Could these pricks be more narcissistic?
The fact that their children are SOOOOO special that any woman (willing or not) would mother them?
Hey, great for you guys that you think your kids are special, but that doesn't mean that a woman who has NO desire to become a mother is going to want to be their mom just so she can have a little bit of you... you're not THAT fantastic.
The liars also bother me.
Great way to start a relationship! Lie about a really important thing!
Honestly, if the man is willing to lie about his parental status to her, what else would he be willing to lie about later on? What else is he lying about right now?
So many kinds of not okay.
Still she gets messages from fathers saying that she just needs to be open minded and meet their children to see just how great they are. Some men have outright lied about not having kids just to get her interested then of course reveal "surprise, I have kids!"
This lead to a discussion on just how fucked up that is.
For one, there are plenty of women that would be willing to date a man with children. They are not impossible to find, so there's no reason to swarm on the childfree woman.
What really bugs me about it is that these men are not respecting her personal choice. Essentially, what I got from a lot of the messages she showed me (which mostly read like "I know you SAY you don't want kids, but you just need to meet mine to know you'll change") is the fact that these men do not respect her as a person. The fact that their desire to have a woman in their lives outweighs that woman's desire to not be a step-mom/or a mother herself.
"I know you say you don't want children, but that doesn't matter. Your choices do not matter. My needs and wants outweigh yours."
Could these pricks be more narcissistic?
The fact that their children are SOOOOO special that any woman (willing or not) would mother them?
Hey, great for you guys that you think your kids are special, but that doesn't mean that a woman who has NO desire to become a mother is going to want to be their mom just so she can have a little bit of you... you're not THAT fantastic.
The liars also bother me.
Great way to start a relationship! Lie about a really important thing!
Honestly, if the man is willing to lie about his parental status to her, what else would he be willing to lie about later on? What else is he lying about right now?
So many kinds of not okay.
I mean really. I guess a woman can change her mind of the matter, actually that's what happened to my step mom. She met and fell in love with my dad, and fell in love with his kids too, although she didn't want any. But the difference being, my dad didn't come up to her and say HEY MEET MY KIDS THEY WILL CHANGE YOUR MIND or lie or hide us from her, it just happened. These jerks need to know how to take a step back and calm down, my lord.
It really makes me question what goes through the head of these people. I don't know how they think any good could come of it.
Yeah, the huge issue with these guys is their disrespect. I can assume that your step mother made the choice to get into this relationship and chose to give having kids around a chance.
Well then, I would far rather be with a lovely woman then a pig like that. (the one who called her a dyke) But god forbid a woman to not want children.
I
Especially when they lie.
A woman has a choice whether they want kids or not and if they do not want to take care of someone else's kids unless they want to.
People should just respect her decision and MOVE ON.
And it can be very difficult to be a step mother. For one, there's lots of negative tales that kids hear that just bolster that hostility towards someone trying to replace mom. Even women that want kids can be hesitant to take on someone else's children.
I also was raised in an emotionally abusive way, so I know I'd be a shit-tastic human mother anyway. My kid would probably end up being another Ted Bundy. -_-
I have found I can tolerate most kids, but I only like a select few children (which apparently still makes me a terrible person in some people's eyes).
I also find it absurd that no matter how much justification a person can give for not having children, some people still think that they should have kids and that they will totally change their minds. Like I have genetic issues, and a couple of fused vertebrae, I would not wish this on a child.
That's exactly what this situation sounds like to me. Some people just don't get it.
One thing about these guys that makes me curious: do they have full legal custody of these children/pay child support, or just meet women, make kids and then walk off? Makes it all the more despicable if it's the latter.