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"I don't. know..." +vague stuffs again and gimme a push?
13 years ago
General
I've hit a block of indecisiveness. I'm unsure of multiple things right now. I do hope to get going on my art again as well as get my house clean-- but at a very slow pace until I can sort out my mind and figure out why I'm so iffy right now. I need a push in the right direction from myself, I think.
I wonder if I got a webcam and a stream if anyone would watch me paint, knot or bead away while having a conversation. I have mic now, so I could easily do that, but most of my stuff isn't done digitally.
I'm tired of my mom and everybody telling me to clean my house-- that just makes me want to do it less. It's Sunday, and I said to myself I'd clean... I did a bit here and there, but not much. I'm starting to build a gradual need to get going on things.
Maybe... I'll get started in my community and set up shop in odd places by busy roads and odd nooks with everything I have to sell. It's not much right now. I'm calling my little stand "Going For Broke" because all I'm trying to do is get enough money for a meal, groceries possibly, and materials and tools. That, and I don't have a lot of money. I've hit a point of desperation when it comes to food.
Guys, if you read this, thanks for hearing me out. I need a gentle push-- do I put stuff up here too, or just continue to sell stuff where ever I can? And if this is successful and I grow to love it, should I start a business? A part of me always knew I couldn't stop with art or my games.
I think I might want to walk away from the compy, even, for a short hiatus.
It's summer, and I'm always starting to question myself around this time. Where do I go now? And, what is it that needs to be done? People tell me what I should do all the time, but, is that what I'm supposed to do, expected of me, and important as they say it is? I don't want people to rescue me anymore-- I just want to be cheered on for what I do get done, what I make, and for being there for someone. I'm just content that I made it to do what I'm supposed to, that I got something accomplished, and/or that I got to see whatever person I'm talking to that day. Why should I worry about my failures, shortcomings, doubts, and troubles when all that does is take away my confidence, hope, and optimism? That's what I do during a low, and I've hit several this past week. Does my mom really believe in me? So many questions are there that bring up doubt... It can be too much to think about right now, so I sit on the computer and ignore it sometimes.
I'm home, but I don't know what I want to do with it now or where to go next...
I wonder if I got a webcam and a stream if anyone would watch me paint, knot or bead away while having a conversation. I have mic now, so I could easily do that, but most of my stuff isn't done digitally.
I'm tired of my mom and everybody telling me to clean my house-- that just makes me want to do it less. It's Sunday, and I said to myself I'd clean... I did a bit here and there, but not much. I'm starting to build a gradual need to get going on things.
Maybe... I'll get started in my community and set up shop in odd places by busy roads and odd nooks with everything I have to sell. It's not much right now. I'm calling my little stand "Going For Broke" because all I'm trying to do is get enough money for a meal, groceries possibly, and materials and tools. That, and I don't have a lot of money. I've hit a point of desperation when it comes to food.
Guys, if you read this, thanks for hearing me out. I need a gentle push-- do I put stuff up here too, or just continue to sell stuff where ever I can? And if this is successful and I grow to love it, should I start a business? A part of me always knew I couldn't stop with art or my games.
I think I might want to walk away from the compy, even, for a short hiatus.
It's summer, and I'm always starting to question myself around this time. Where do I go now? And, what is it that needs to be done? People tell me what I should do all the time, but, is that what I'm supposed to do, expected of me, and important as they say it is? I don't want people to rescue me anymore-- I just want to be cheered on for what I do get done, what I make, and for being there for someone. I'm just content that I made it to do what I'm supposed to, that I got something accomplished, and/or that I got to see whatever person I'm talking to that day. Why should I worry about my failures, shortcomings, doubts, and troubles when all that does is take away my confidence, hope, and optimism? That's what I do during a low, and I've hit several this past week. Does my mom really believe in me? So many questions are there that bring up doubt... It can be too much to think about right now, so I sit on the computer and ignore it sometimes.
I'm home, but I don't know what I want to do with it now or where to go next...
I did set up shop yesterday and sold quite a bit. ^^ I made $30, I think? Dunno. I do know that left over money is going with me to Relay for Life so I can buy cupcakes from these ladies that sell them there. They're gourmet ones, and I about lose my head over them... "C-c-c-cCUPCAAAKEESSSS!" xD So good.
Which reminds me... I need to ready my camera so I can take photos this year. ^^ I'll post the good ones up on here, I think.
College... Oh, I wish I could go for a fine arts major with English literature minor... I enjoy both a lot.
I'd say... Go to college when the time is right, but never give up on making things. It's a good thing to have something creative to do.