I don't know how many have noticed, but I've been relatively quiet lately. The best way to sum it up is, things have gotten worse for me mentally. I've had several times where I lose my awareness of time, which doesn't matter anyway because I don't care for the concept, but matters because I don't do anything to fill in that lack of time. It's gotten to the point that I feel like a waste of space as a person, and the logical solution would be to start making myself more useful (which I've been attempting), but that I feel like a waste of a person in general. I barely even recognize myself anymore. I just feel like an empty shell.

I think one of the causes is my presence on here. I've been Jerry for five years now, and although I can still hear his voice in my head at times, I've been focusing on others as well. It's funny how I thought I would've gotten over this problem by now, especially after my brief run as Daniel, but it still persists. I feel like I need something new, fresh. Jerry is still here, but he feels more like an old book that I've read dozens of times.

Perhaps some of it also has to do with me feeling like I can rekindle old friendships as someone else, but at the core it's still me. When I see any trace of myself, I feel disgusted. It feels like scum. I cringe when I see my comments on things anymore, to the point where I don't comment, or if I do my brain freezes and I can only manage small things.

So what does this mean? I don't know. Maybe it's time to move on, or maybe it's time to bury the hatchet completely. I'm not entirely sure.