Not entirely sure what I'm agreeing to but what the heck.

I've been sitting here transfixed by your avatar for five minutes. And not the good, "oh my what a cute baby" sort of transfixed, the awful "Jesus Christ how many times is this bull going to slam into this guy" kind. It's like you're trying to hypnotize me or seduce me and neither is working. And beyond that what's there to say? You're blue, the EMBODIMENT of originality on this website, and from what I can pick out of your profile, British. Excellent. Here's hoping a spot of actual comedy doesn't ruin the satin white sheet that is your sense of humor. And by the way, I live near Boston, and tea sucks. I'm assuming you love it and I don't like it. So deal with that, redcoat. Your taste in beverages is about as good as your taste in decency: terrible and bordering on nonexistent.

Tea is fucking shit!

I offer up the character of William T. Donovan for your criticism.

Sure, sounds interestingn

The only thing I know about you is that you're fat. No, seriously. I even asked people who know you, like "so what's something about Kumo I can make fun of?" And the overwhelming response was "just tell him he's fat, that'll work." So, I'm reduced to doing so. Luckily for you I'm a master of that art, so strap in to your two airplane seats because here it comes: I've seen spheres in a geometry textbook that look thinner. You're so massive Commander Shepherd tried to scan you for minerals. I could get a notion of the time by setting my watch to how fast the debris around you completes an orbit, and its telling me I ought to move on. But wait! Just like you're gut, there's more! You color scheme is drab and I think that bandana looks stupid on you. Now go off and eat your pain away like you do with all your other emotions.

I'm in!

So you're that One Piece guy or something? Neat. Yeah, alright. Must be a hassle living in that perfect nexus that forms the super weird specific interest. So how many people sent you screenshots of Monsoon from Metal Gear Rising with an all-caps comment like "HEY DID YOU WORK ON THIS GAME?" Because my guess is a dozen, if not more. And that's like, everyone who knows you, so a mighty impressive figure if you look at it that way. I'd talk about your other traits but they're all so stock I can't help but just stare at it and wonder if you read articles on the beheadings at the French Revolution like one would a dirty comic book. Please keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle and may that vehicle be heading far away from me.

I say Pnut is in. :3

You spelled your name wrong and it bothers me. Or you're trying to make it all cool and fresh like in the spirit of the nineties and that bothers me even more. I hate nuts of all kinds and I'm not too fond of the letter "p" either so you're already at two strikes and I throw a mean fastball. I mean, there's a whole litany of things to poke fun at here- like ooh, shutter shades, I bet that makes you a real cool kid. Nothing like partial blindness and looking like an aisle in Home Depot to announce your street cred. And you're an artist? Or something? I guess? Who knows, even. Look, get back to me in a few years when you have a thought worth discussing, I'm dying to hear it.

Hit me with your best shot, you pompous, pandering, pathetic excuse for a wood-duck-wannabe.

I know the rule goes that if you're going to bring something to a party, you ought to bring enough for everyone to share, but I don't think that rule applies to noses. Seriously. I feel like I can break into my reserve of fat jokes based off the merit of that honker alone. But you deserve better than that- ...wait, no you don't... ah, screw it, I'll try anyway. I mean, it's hard to tell what to insult based off your profile, seeing as this is your what, fifth one and I'm still not even sure what you prefer being called? I've been sticking with "imbecile" to be safe and I think it's better than anything you could come up with. So please, go away imbecile. You disgust me and I really don't like how you're breathing literally all of the air.

Ummm here last time, but why not!

Actually I never attended the last roast >.>.....soooooo hit me with your best shot :D

I guess I'm in too.

I'd like to shed some light on the process I go through when posting one of these insults. Typically, when I don't know the person, I pick apart their comment for tones of inadequacy, and then go to their profile and heckle their interests. And for you, I simply looked at your profile information, and sighed. You list yourself as an anthro-gator and yet your face doesn't strike me as particularly reptilian, so obviously you must have read the animal sound picture books upside down when you were a baby or they've recently really expanded what being a "gator" means. Then there's the fact you're listed as a US fur AND a UK fur, which is either an oversight or you're a really good swimmer, and just... dull. You have a number in your username. These jokes don't need me to be made. I'm yawning. Please, be terrible in a more unique way so I can make fun of you for it with some actual interest.

Im in since I wasn't around for the last one ^^

I've always thought your name was a play on words for dude rags and headbands and the sort, and if I'm right, score one for me. If I'm wrong, I really don't care, because evidentially you spell worse than I do. Which is saying something, because I have to type all these out with a beak. But the name fits- a worn, old piece of cloth normally used to clean things. I don't know if you being associated with cleaning fits, come to think of it, but you do seem to be dressed in rags. Your sense of style is as messed up as you are.

bring it!

I don't think I've ever seen you contribute something of worth to a conversation. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, any bird that willingly becomes part mammal is to be not only shunned for their crimes but feared for their obvious insanity. I guess it can be applauded for its originality but that's like rewarding someone for inventing a new way to set fire to houses. I'm too shocked and disturbed to continue and I think I need a long shower to think how such evil could even exist.

.so?

I'm in! Sounds fun!

I hate cats. My status on this matter probably doesn't need to be reiterated more than once. I think they're gross and annoying and how the internet became obsessed with them I don't think I'll ever figure out. And all you do is perplex me further by not even having the decency to try and be cute. I've seen more attractive stab wounds. I've also seen stab wounds with more interesting personalities and who'd probably be better company than you are. So please, go away and don't make eye contact with me. I frankly want nothing to do with you.

bring it. do your worst.

I was in last time but I'm still gonna be on stand by and watch XD

Your insults are strangely appealing. I hate them.

Duino I am going to do you a favor because I feel bad for you sometimes. I will pretend to sacrifice my impenetrable bastion of self esteem in order for you to publically feel better about yourself. I may even pretend to cry to complete the illusion that I can be harmed by anything, be it words, bullets, or a truck. I'm just generous like that.

I was thinking of not doing this, but it is free. Go ahead try and make me mad. >:)

I suppose I'd throw my hat in but I might be just too awesome to roast