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First Journal/Megaplex
12 years ago
As the title implies, this is my first attempt at a journal. I don't usually write them cause I can't imagine anybody's actually gonna read them... But since I have the unique opportunity to go to Orlando and stay with my awesome friends 
Mac and 
Syro as a guest of Mac's family, I just had to make an entry about it! I'm sooooo excited!!!! I get to see them for a week leading up to my first con ever! Yes, that's right, you heard right, I have never been to any sort of gathering of furries... So if you're going, keep an eye out for the dude with the long ponytail and peculiar goatee! I hope to make lots of new friends, so if you see me please come say hi!
I've always been shy, and never really joined any groups cause I didn't ever feel like I fit in with any... I always struggled with my identity, and for a long time I hated myself without even knowing who I really was. I spent most of my childhood miserable and hopeless. I simply could not believe anything good would ever happen in my life, and literally couldn't stand to be me... But since discovering the furry community, I have discovered sooo many wonderful, caring folks that I feel like I can be myself and be accepted and loved for it!
One of the hardest things for me to accept about myself was my love of- or fetish for inflatable toys/balloons, which, ironically is what led me to discover furry fandom! I was always deeply ashamed of it, and tried to avoid it entirely cause I thought it was such a bizarre fetish that no one could possibly understand or accept it. But I couldn't resist secretly playing with balloons occasionally... Then, one day shortly after I finally got internet and a place to privately surf it, I started discovering videos on YouTube with looner fetish stuff. I finally realised that I wasn't some horrible freak to be scorned and rejected, but just a guy with a kinda odd kink. Totally changed my view of myself and I could finally start to learn about and love myself for who I am! Then I saw a vid of Merek Geiger 'demonstrating' one of his 7-foot tall wolves and fell in love! It was through trying to find one that I discovered PuffyPaws on eBay, which led me to the Zenith dragon and FA!
It still took me almost a month to gather the courage to actually order a Zenith cause I was so afraid if I got one, I wouldn't be able to keep him hidden. And the thought of having to try to explain a huge inflatable dragon to friends or family was almost enough to prevent me from getting one! Luckily for me, I finally decided that, if someone saw him, they'd just think I'm some kind of crazy fool. But since I always feel like a fool no matter what I do, I figured, why not be a happy fool? And my dragon makes every day a joy! That then gave me the courage to eventually join FA, though I'm still too shy to note anyone I don't know... In fact, I've never even watched anyone! But I'm getting more outgoing by the day, and Megaplex represents a giant step forward for me! Aww, now I've got "Giant Steps" by John Coltrane stuck in my head! D'oh! *sigh* I knew I wasn't gonna get through this without any song references... Wow, that turned out really long... If anyone reads this far, could you give me a shout or comment so I know I didn't type all this stuff for nothing? Thanks! :3
Mac and 
Syro as a guest of Mac's family, I just had to make an entry about it! I'm sooooo excited!!!! I get to see them for a week leading up to my first con ever! Yes, that's right, you heard right, I have never been to any sort of gathering of furries... So if you're going, keep an eye out for the dude with the long ponytail and peculiar goatee! I hope to make lots of new friends, so if you see me please come say hi!I've always been shy, and never really joined any groups cause I didn't ever feel like I fit in with any... I always struggled with my identity, and for a long time I hated myself without even knowing who I really was. I spent most of my childhood miserable and hopeless. I simply could not believe anything good would ever happen in my life, and literally couldn't stand to be me... But since discovering the furry community, I have discovered sooo many wonderful, caring folks that I feel like I can be myself and be accepted and loved for it!
One of the hardest things for me to accept about myself was my love of- or fetish for inflatable toys/balloons, which, ironically is what led me to discover furry fandom! I was always deeply ashamed of it, and tried to avoid it entirely cause I thought it was such a bizarre fetish that no one could possibly understand or accept it. But I couldn't resist secretly playing with balloons occasionally... Then, one day shortly after I finally got internet and a place to privately surf it, I started discovering videos on YouTube with looner fetish stuff. I finally realised that I wasn't some horrible freak to be scorned and rejected, but just a guy with a kinda odd kink. Totally changed my view of myself and I could finally start to learn about and love myself for who I am! Then I saw a vid of Merek Geiger 'demonstrating' one of his 7-foot tall wolves and fell in love! It was through trying to find one that I discovered PuffyPaws on eBay, which led me to the Zenith dragon and FA!
It still took me almost a month to gather the courage to actually order a Zenith cause I was so afraid if I got one, I wouldn't be able to keep him hidden. And the thought of having to try to explain a huge inflatable dragon to friends or family was almost enough to prevent me from getting one! Luckily for me, I finally decided that, if someone saw him, they'd just think I'm some kind of crazy fool. But since I always feel like a fool no matter what I do, I figured, why not be a happy fool? And my dragon makes every day a joy! That then gave me the courage to eventually join FA, though I'm still too shy to note anyone I don't know... In fact, I've never even watched anyone! But I'm getting more outgoing by the day, and Megaplex represents a giant step forward for me! Aww, now I've got "Giant Steps" by John Coltrane stuck in my head! D'oh! *sigh* I knew I wasn't gonna get through this without any song references... Wow, that turned out really long... If anyone reads this far, could you give me a shout or comment so I know I didn't type all this stuff for nothing? Thanks! :3
It's crazy how similar to myself you sound. I was the same way when I discovered my interest in inflatables. The good thing is I finally stopped trying to ignore it and embraced it. Now I'm finally a happy person and have several that I love. And you'll see at Megaplex if you haven't already, you are certainly not alone.
I'm so glad your joinig us on at Megaplex, and look forward to getting to meet you in person.
I hope we cross paths again, I will definably be back next year!
My own little story aside, I would just like to say I love reading stories like yours as it is great so see people finally excepting themselves a bit more as it's often a very difficult thing to do.
Aww, thanks! I also love to hear about anyone learning to love themselves for who they are, especially if it's something like this. I struggled with it most of my life, and finally being proud of who I am has been like having a massive weight lifted from my soul, or like seeing the sun for the first time after a lifetime of darkness... But I could go on about squeaky stuffs indefinitely, so I ought to wrap this up before it gets any longer... XD