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12 years ago
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Livestream
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Livestream I've been pretty private with a lot of things as of late because I didn't want to worry or upset anyone but I need to just let something out and give my watchers and friends on here and in other places an update of what might be happening sometime soon. For the most part if I fall off the face of the earth and become well gone, it's going to be because of the reasons here.
I started my school back in May of 2012, and it's been great for me. Up until recently, for the most part I have used the extra loan money I've been getting to help keep myself and my mother a float for these past months and recently that has in many ways screwed me over. Money I was supposed to have back in June has not come in and well without that, that means no money to pay bills or anything like that. To make matters even more of a pain, my moms back has gotten worse and the fight to get her on Disability has pretty much come back with the same old 'you are capable of work despite your condition'.
And now there is the matter that, because of a lot of this. We are likely going to lose our house and have to move in with my grandmother. And while I absolutely adore my grandmother, living with her will likely end up slowly killing me. She's a HEAVY smoker, and my lungs cannot take that like they used to. Whenever I am down at her house and get a good wuff of her smoke in my face it makes it hard for me to breath and such. But we will likely have to move into her house to prevent the loss of our own. I'm just worried that because of this, we will have to let all of our animals go to the Shelter and well the shelter here is pretty much like a death sentence to animals.
I've been getting worse with my depression as well, a lot of people... heck no one beyond the really close friends that I trust enough to speak to know that I suffer from a rather bad depression. And it gets worse each day with the constant nagging from my mom and with the whole nagging basically seeming like my mom is blaming me for everything that has happened to us. I can't get a job for some god forsaken reason. I get calls, I follow up and the like but I always get the "We'll call you Back." Response and never hear from anyone again. I would take another course in my school but we don't have the funds for gas to go up there twice a day, it's a 1 hour commute to my school and then another hour back and with gas prices and an unreliable vehicle that makes it hard on us. The reason I'm getting there right now is because I'm carpooling with one of the most awesome guys I know in my class.
I just wish there was more that I can do for my family but, without a job and everything weighing down on me to the point where my depression is hindering my ability to work on my school work (Don't worry I still get it done but I just take longer to do so) I just don't know what to do anymore. Commissions don't work, I don't have a big enough audience for them to be at all successful that or my art is just that shitty that people don't want to waste their time on me lol... yeah I know shouldn't be saying stuff like that but that's really how I feel at times.
Anyway, to sum it all up. Sometime next month I might just end up disappearing off the face of the planet because I'll be living with my grandmother. And needless to say her internet connection is rubbish and shitty so my time online will be limited or just not at all. I'm hoping things turn around for us but at this rate I doubt it will.
I'm sorry to hear that, Asheer. ;_;
Is there any way to help out, because I'd totally miss you if you're off the net forever. D:
Hopefully something can be done but really, I'm not sure WHAT CAN be done in order to help me and my family anymore.