I was planning to add a third tail to my kitsune character, Karakuri this summer, if I stood my ground. In January I moved out alone to Windsor to study automotive engineering at the university here, 3600 km from home. I did well in the winter semester, I was scared shitless the first two days, very very scared, but plowed on and stood my ground. Now it's summer and I'm still studying. I stood my ground and then some, but... I don't deserve my third tail just yet. I am on an emotional roller coaster sometimes, sometimes I feel strong enough to take on an army other times I feel as weak as a twig. I have not became stronger, I haven't gained confidence.
In high school my shop teacher told me that he never met anyone with such a low self esteem as me. And it's true, I have a low self esteem, but I don't necessarily consider myself depressed.
Looking at the future I worry so much that I am near a panic attack sometimes. Never had to stand my ground this way. My parents are sponsoring my education as I had sponsored about 60 percent of it for the winter, but now I'm out of money, luckily the summer was a lot cheaper. I don't wanna let them down, or anyone, but I just don't know sometimes how to grow. I'm not giving up, not after all these battles.
In high school grade 11 and 12 I loved to go to classes, I had so much fun I had confidence, a drive and dreams, but after sitting many years behind the desk in university... they are faded.

I have not grown.
Inari, I do not deserve my third tail.
At least not yet.

(this is not to make anyone sympathize toward me, do not feel sorry for me! But this has been brewing for so long, I had to let it out.)