[Forgot to crosspost this from my main blog earlier]

Wow, various forces seemed to have come together and were keeping me away from properly updating for more than a month. If it wasn’t my webhost going nuts or my depression putting its boot to my neck, it was family life and personal health taking a dip. But I’m back and writing, and I’ll be updating every few days if not everyday, just to get back in the habit of such. I’m almost done putting the finishing touches of revision on a short story narrative that I’ll be publishing to Kindle soon. So these are somewhat exciting times.

I’d wanted to start chronicling publicly the various ups and downs in my life in a humble, truthful way. One of the downsides to social media is that it turns life into a grandly shallow production where each of us is the star of our own stageshow. This self-focus does border on unhealthy and it only serves as a way for people’s pride and arrogance to show through.

If I’m not careful, then my journal turns into a pity party. “Oh look at me! Look at what I have to suffer through, I don’t deserve this! Pay attention to me and feel my agony!”

Pride at it’s most subtle.

On the other hand one thing I’ve noticed about Facebook, Twitter and a lot of social media is that people tend to be dishonest with their lives. You’d think that if someone is updating their status every few hours that you’d see major disappointments and down turns as well as the good times. Behind the wall of the internet are people who are hurting in various ways, who put forth an incomplete (if not sometimes completely untrustworthy) mask in a way to protect themselves.

Pride again.

So to help combat those failures that I see in myself I’d like to start two additions to my blogging life.

First, you’ll notice a new page to the blog. I’ve made a listing of the various goals I have in life. Some big, some little, all of some importance to me. (Not every goal is there, especially some of the more deeply personal ones).

In addition, I’ll be sharing something that I’m thankful for, and something that I’m praying for. One of the defining characteristics of us Reformed types is our joyful submission and acquiescence that we really aren’t the in leading role in our lives: Jesus holds that position. But that doesn’t mean we get carted around fatalistically like cattle, or manipulated like puppets on a string. Our lives, my life, is a narrative of Jesus Christ – His adventures with his family and His journey impacting and shaping the world through me. I’m not the star, but that doesn’t mean I’m unimportant to the story.

Gratitude and my prayers to Christ remind me that I have not “made myself.” My own Self has just as much that I didn’t choose, or didn’t have any influence over, as it does. My family, my history, my DNA that all shape my moods, my tastes and my worldview in ways it would be foolish to say that it was all completely volitional. Thanks and prayer are twin teachers, reminding me that I’m not in control, and when I try to hold tightly to things that I really have no grasp on at all, I just look silly. (We all do really.) They help me lose the self focus that consumes everyone of us.

What I’m thankful for – I’m thankful for the friends of mine this last wee who reminded me that I have some real goals in life and that it’s not too late to fulfill them. Even if they weren’t explicitly trying to get me to stop feeling sorry for myself and to start seeking out self-confidence and discipline, their words were encouraging enough to do so.

What I’m praying for – I’m 80% sure that I heard my hard drive clicking sometime last week. Given that I’m focused on freelancing, on writing, on self-education and yes, even on gaming, my computer forms a large focus of my life. I don’t know what a complete hard drive failure would do to me, so I’m praying that I can find work – freelancing or otherwise – and save up the 800 dollars I need to build my own computer that I should not have to worry about for another few years.