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Pressure
19 years ago
General
I'm so far behind.
I hate it when the only thing making me function is a hanging sword of damocles. And strangely, even though the metaphor is supposed to be that you should be scared to death that it will fall and kebab you skull-first, I feel quite a deal like the STRING in this equation too.
I was on the clock from 8 am to 11 pm yesterday. sixteen hours, god dammit... sixteen hours...
and I have another eleven hours waiting for me today ;_; I'm so tired.
Oh. That's right. You don't know what's been going on, because I haven't been able to keep up with telling y'all. The fact that I'm NOT here talking your ears off should be a testament to something being not-quite-right in the world.
Alright... *deep breath, long sigh...* The day they sent me home--THE TALK--I immediately after that had observed the fact that the following thursday and friday were scheduled as 'OFF'. But on saturday morning, when I got up to go to work, I found ANOTHER PHONE MESSAGE. YES. IT HAPPENED AGAIN. EXACTLY THE SAME, EXCEPT THIS TIME I WAS -SURE- OF THE SCHEDULE! They changed the #@$%ing schedule after sending me home on wednesday and expected me to INHERANTLY KNOW that they did, without any one god damned person telling me. Add to that the fact that my cell phone was EXTREMELY unstable and I TOLD THEM THIS. That gods damned battery was going to explode in my fucking HAND! NO WAY IN HELL was I going to keep that phone on day in and day out in that condition! the thing was bloated to double its factory thickness, it was a ticking timebomb...
*sigh AGAIN...*
Long story short, last saturday was not spent on the clock. Instead, after spilling my guts and all my woes and miseries to Second In Command, he left the office for an undisclosed ammount of time, and when he came back in, he had first in command with him, and the overtones were GRIM. It was during the ensuing guilt trip that I learned that First in command had come to the office INTENDING to fire me on the motherfucking SPOT. I didn't find this hard to believe; after getting screwed on Friday, I thought I was only coming in on saturday to drop off my uniforms. However.... HOWEVER...
The thing that pissed me off the most about this conversation... was ... the LIES. HERE I WAS, ON THE GROUND, AND THEY WERE KICKING ME! AGAIN! AND AGAIN! AND AGAIN! GO AHEAD, I'M NO THE GROUND, KICK ME YOU MOTHER FUCKER! DO IT AGAIN! GO RIGHT AHEAD! BREAK MY FUCKING RIBS YOU REPUGNANT SHIT GUZZLING FUCKWIT! And if I whimpered while they bootfucked me, I'd get a slap. You see, THE WAY THEY SAW IT WAS THE ONLY WAY IT HAD TO BE, BECAUSE THEY ARE ALWAYS RIGHT, AND NEVER WRONG, EVER. IF YOU THINK THEY ARE WRONG, YOU ARE WRONG. BECAUSE THEY ARE RIGHT.
"What the fuck are you talking about Stoney? Get to the fucking point already!"
1: I took my shirts out of the washer that day after guzzling a fourth a god damned bottle of bleach on it, and they said I didn't wash them. IT WAS EATING HOLES IN THE MOTHERFUCKING FABRIC, but they REFUSED to admit I washed their fucking uniforms
2: They told me GERALD told them that I was SLEEPING on third shift--SPECIFICALLY that gerald would be coming up here to pound on the door and TELL ME TO PATROL. WHAT THE FUCK!?
3: They told me my roommates were USING me! Where the FUCK did THIS COME FROM!? That's a whole 'nother rant, and i'm going to save THAT for later...
4: They told me that I shouldn't be working in security if I want to get into architecture. what am I doing here, they'd ask me without letting me TELL them. YOU STUPID FUCKBRAIN, I NEED TO MOTHERFUCKING EAT. I NEED TO PAY THE GODS DAMNED RENT! I HAVE TO SURVIVE -SOMEHOW-!!!!!!
Somehow the idea of 'just gettin' by' could not be pounded through their skulls with a fucking METEOR. And then they started throwing that 120% bullshit at me. That they want 120%. 120%. Metaphorical, metaphysical bullshit. I can't STAND phrases like that. I'm beginning to understand why people go postal. Humanity needs a cleansing. A nice, long, warm shower. In its own blood.
You know, never before, not once ever before, have I EVER wanted to just... kill something. Not someone; these particular humanoid creatures are quickly starting to look less and less like 'people'. Sort of... to influence evolution toward naturally nicer and more-patient humans by killing all the mean, impatient ones. A holocaust for every jackass on the planet. of course, if some people weren't stupid enough to put up with them long enough to propogate their SPAWN, these idiots would've died out long ago.
...I'd probably be one of them, though...
Anyways... I know they're lying about Gerald the Janitor, because gerald had far worse dirt on me than that if he wanted to get me fired. He used to see me taking sodas from sbarro's after mall hours. He used to see me talking on my cell phone. He ACCOMPANIED me on more than one occasion wherein I LEFT mall property DURING my shift to say, buy food at walmart. He COULD HAVE gotten me fired with any combination of these--but SLEEPING? and ... TELLING ME to take a patrol..? You've got to be fucking kidding me. I was the only person that WAS doing my assigned patrols. Dozing was the one thing I DIDN'T fuck up on my shift, because I am a night owl by default. If I were a homing missile, the Gerald argument would've been chaff to distract me. One of these days though, I'm going to have to tell Gerald what they've been saying about him behind his back. I don't think he'd appreciate hearing about his character being defamed with these allegations of bold-face Lies. I really don't think he'd like having words being stuffed inside his mouth.
I guess I'm waiting for the right time to tell him. Hoping that some kind of situation will pop up where telling him will set off a chain reaction that will blow up in their face. *shrug*
OH! And since I'm feeling vengeful, I am pleased to hear that the first in command was bitten by a brown recluse spider and the pain and swelling in his foot is taking him off the clock for a few weeks. Sucker. Anyways, I gotta go.
I hate it when the only thing making me function is a hanging sword of damocles. And strangely, even though the metaphor is supposed to be that you should be scared to death that it will fall and kebab you skull-first, I feel quite a deal like the STRING in this equation too.
I was on the clock from 8 am to 11 pm yesterday. sixteen hours, god dammit... sixteen hours...
and I have another eleven hours waiting for me today ;_; I'm so tired.
Oh. That's right. You don't know what's been going on, because I haven't been able to keep up with telling y'all. The fact that I'm NOT here talking your ears off should be a testament to something being not-quite-right in the world.
Alright... *deep breath, long sigh...* The day they sent me home--THE TALK--I immediately after that had observed the fact that the following thursday and friday were scheduled as 'OFF'. But on saturday morning, when I got up to go to work, I found ANOTHER PHONE MESSAGE. YES. IT HAPPENED AGAIN. EXACTLY THE SAME, EXCEPT THIS TIME I WAS -SURE- OF THE SCHEDULE! They changed the #@$%ing schedule after sending me home on wednesday and expected me to INHERANTLY KNOW that they did, without any one god damned person telling me. Add to that the fact that my cell phone was EXTREMELY unstable and I TOLD THEM THIS. That gods damned battery was going to explode in my fucking HAND! NO WAY IN HELL was I going to keep that phone on day in and day out in that condition! the thing was bloated to double its factory thickness, it was a ticking timebomb...
*sigh AGAIN...*
Long story short, last saturday was not spent on the clock. Instead, after spilling my guts and all my woes and miseries to Second In Command, he left the office for an undisclosed ammount of time, and when he came back in, he had first in command with him, and the overtones were GRIM. It was during the ensuing guilt trip that I learned that First in command had come to the office INTENDING to fire me on the motherfucking SPOT. I didn't find this hard to believe; after getting screwed on Friday, I thought I was only coming in on saturday to drop off my uniforms. However.... HOWEVER...
The thing that pissed me off the most about this conversation... was ... the LIES. HERE I WAS, ON THE GROUND, AND THEY WERE KICKING ME! AGAIN! AND AGAIN! AND AGAIN! GO AHEAD, I'M NO THE GROUND, KICK ME YOU MOTHER FUCKER! DO IT AGAIN! GO RIGHT AHEAD! BREAK MY FUCKING RIBS YOU REPUGNANT SHIT GUZZLING FUCKWIT! And if I whimpered while they bootfucked me, I'd get a slap. You see, THE WAY THEY SAW IT WAS THE ONLY WAY IT HAD TO BE, BECAUSE THEY ARE ALWAYS RIGHT, AND NEVER WRONG, EVER. IF YOU THINK THEY ARE WRONG, YOU ARE WRONG. BECAUSE THEY ARE RIGHT.
"What the fuck are you talking about Stoney? Get to the fucking point already!"
1: I took my shirts out of the washer that day after guzzling a fourth a god damned bottle of bleach on it, and they said I didn't wash them. IT WAS EATING HOLES IN THE MOTHERFUCKING FABRIC, but they REFUSED to admit I washed their fucking uniforms
2: They told me GERALD told them that I was SLEEPING on third shift--SPECIFICALLY that gerald would be coming up here to pound on the door and TELL ME TO PATROL. WHAT THE FUCK!?
3: They told me my roommates were USING me! Where the FUCK did THIS COME FROM!? That's a whole 'nother rant, and i'm going to save THAT for later...
4: They told me that I shouldn't be working in security if I want to get into architecture. what am I doing here, they'd ask me without letting me TELL them. YOU STUPID FUCKBRAIN, I NEED TO MOTHERFUCKING EAT. I NEED TO PAY THE GODS DAMNED RENT! I HAVE TO SURVIVE -SOMEHOW-!!!!!!
Somehow the idea of 'just gettin' by' could not be pounded through their skulls with a fucking METEOR. And then they started throwing that 120% bullshit at me. That they want 120%. 120%. Metaphorical, metaphysical bullshit. I can't STAND phrases like that. I'm beginning to understand why people go postal. Humanity needs a cleansing. A nice, long, warm shower. In its own blood.
You know, never before, not once ever before, have I EVER wanted to just... kill something. Not someone; these particular humanoid creatures are quickly starting to look less and less like 'people'. Sort of... to influence evolution toward naturally nicer and more-patient humans by killing all the mean, impatient ones. A holocaust for every jackass on the planet. of course, if some people weren't stupid enough to put up with them long enough to propogate their SPAWN, these idiots would've died out long ago.
...I'd probably be one of them, though...
Anyways... I know they're lying about Gerald the Janitor, because gerald had far worse dirt on me than that if he wanted to get me fired. He used to see me taking sodas from sbarro's after mall hours. He used to see me talking on my cell phone. He ACCOMPANIED me on more than one occasion wherein I LEFT mall property DURING my shift to say, buy food at walmart. He COULD HAVE gotten me fired with any combination of these--but SLEEPING? and ... TELLING ME to take a patrol..? You've got to be fucking kidding me. I was the only person that WAS doing my assigned patrols. Dozing was the one thing I DIDN'T fuck up on my shift, because I am a night owl by default. If I were a homing missile, the Gerald argument would've been chaff to distract me. One of these days though, I'm going to have to tell Gerald what they've been saying about him behind his back. I don't think he'd appreciate hearing about his character being defamed with these allegations of bold-face Lies. I really don't think he'd like having words being stuffed inside his mouth.
I guess I'm waiting for the right time to tell him. Hoping that some kind of situation will pop up where telling him will set off a chain reaction that will blow up in their face. *shrug*
OH! And since I'm feeling vengeful, I am pleased to hear that the first in command was bitten by a brown recluse spider and the pain and swelling in his foot is taking him off the clock for a few weeks. Sucker. Anyways, I gotta go.
Remind me never to pursue a position of power.