I don't really feel that comfortable here, though I want to. I'd like a weird friend to talk to about all the shit that flows through my mind. Just someone to listen, not for advice. I'm sick to death of advice because most of it is shit. Anyway I digress. What I'm trying to say is I'm not sure how to act here. Everyones so colorful and happy. I like colors and I like being happy but at the same time it seems so false. I just can't buy into it. Everyones so content with long distant relationships and RPing in chat rooms...but i just can't make myself believe in it. I love the art, well some of it. Some of it can honestly be labeled as shit. Then another part of me slaps myself for saying that, knowing full well that I'm not the best artist on the planet either. Alot of conflict arises in me on the nature of this site. But I guess thats why I'm here. My hope is to find someone who isn't always role playing, who is aware of his/her true nature and simply wants to exist without feeling alone. I want someone i can be around without having to sculpt my personality into something i know others would call "acceptable". I don't want to pretend that I am something else. I am human. I like drawing in this art style though because it allows me to create a universe with parameters that I define myself so why make it a replica of this world I live in when its so fucked up?

Don't get me wrong, I know exactly why people role play. It allows some escape from reality, for some it makes them more comfortable being something else because they are disappointed with their true physical form. Honestly if I could choose, I'd be a cat. But I'm not a cat and I see no reason to dwell on the fact that I am not a cat seeing as theres nothing I can really do about it. Mascot costumes....they creep me out and have since i was a kid. Lets just not go there. Anyway...I just don't know. I'm sort of afraid of being rejected here too. Alot of my friends are moving away to go to university and I'm staying to become a programmer. I don't make new friends easliy...not true friends, not the kind you can tell anything. I guess I see this place as a form of hope in which i can meet new people and maybe find somebody who thinks like me.