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Feeling Trinus.
12 years ago
(For those who don't know, "Trinus" is the fictional word for the triune God in reference to my fiction.)
When I was younger, maybe eight years of age, I had my first experience that could be summed up as "unexplainable." For that reason, I refuse to share it, because I can't put words to it. However, that event led me to believe in God about four years later.
Maybe it was the death of my first step-father that kicked it off when I was eight. (The experience was about a week before my step-dad did pass.)
However, the feelings I had mixed in with the internal struggle with emerging sexuality led me to believe that life was simply more than what we were seeing. Nothing added up. I borrowed text books from school and read them, but nothing made sense. I talked to my science teacher through e-mails for weeks. But nothing made sense. It was a time in my life that I was stricken of any belief and was left on my own to experiment with everything.
I was bisexual at the time, and that was an awkward experience. Nothing feels weirder than learning about sex in school and then coming home with thoughts like "That was gross." Anyhow, I decided I didn't want any of it and started working on self-control. I also worked on taming desires, shutting my mouth and listening, and listening on more than just a physical level. My mom told me once, "You'll hear God if you listen." So I would sit down for hours in my room and just listen, and think.
So I started listening and found that God made much more sense in my personal life and in everything else. So there began my change. I'd sit down and read the Bible randomly; just open up a page and begin. I found particular happiness in Proverbs and the book of Daniel (there's irony there). I read most of it, and I sought to understand, not judge. I sat down with a youth minister of my local church and talked with him for hours. I actually started paying attention in church. I never experienced a spiritual high unless I was really meaning something and learning something new about God.
But, my forgetful nature limited me. I couldn't remember phrases and numbers well at all, so I would frequently forget Book names and numbers. It's why I can't throw out verses from the Bible. I have to sit down and just read and read over and over.
Anyhow, this lead to my "enlightenment" and my quest for all knowledge and my journey to seek the truth. After observing everything I see, I feel God all around me.
But the next step in my Faith, I guess, is having God in me. Making sure I have His voice in my ears, and His substance in my veins. I need His passion and will to do what I must to help others.
When I was younger, maybe eight years of age, I had my first experience that could be summed up as "unexplainable." For that reason, I refuse to share it, because I can't put words to it. However, that event led me to believe in God about four years later.
Maybe it was the death of my first step-father that kicked it off when I was eight. (The experience was about a week before my step-dad did pass.)
However, the feelings I had mixed in with the internal struggle with emerging sexuality led me to believe that life was simply more than what we were seeing. Nothing added up. I borrowed text books from school and read them, but nothing made sense. I talked to my science teacher through e-mails for weeks. But nothing made sense. It was a time in my life that I was stricken of any belief and was left on my own to experiment with everything.
I was bisexual at the time, and that was an awkward experience. Nothing feels weirder than learning about sex in school and then coming home with thoughts like "That was gross." Anyhow, I decided I didn't want any of it and started working on self-control. I also worked on taming desires, shutting my mouth and listening, and listening on more than just a physical level. My mom told me once, "You'll hear God if you listen." So I would sit down for hours in my room and just listen, and think.
So I started listening and found that God made much more sense in my personal life and in everything else. So there began my change. I'd sit down and read the Bible randomly; just open up a page and begin. I found particular happiness in Proverbs and the book of Daniel (there's irony there). I read most of it, and I sought to understand, not judge. I sat down with a youth minister of my local church and talked with him for hours. I actually started paying attention in church. I never experienced a spiritual high unless I was really meaning something and learning something new about God.
But, my forgetful nature limited me. I couldn't remember phrases and numbers well at all, so I would frequently forget Book names and numbers. It's why I can't throw out verses from the Bible. I have to sit down and just read and read over and over.
Anyhow, this lead to my "enlightenment" and my quest for all knowledge and my journey to seek the truth. After observing everything I see, I feel God all around me.
But the next step in my Faith, I guess, is having God in me. Making sure I have His voice in my ears, and His substance in my veins. I need His passion and will to do what I must to help others.
