I...

I don't even know what I want to say... or how to go about trying to say it...

All I know is that right now, for some... undetermined, indescribable, hidden reason...

I feel like the most pathetic pile of garbage this world has known...


The logical part of me is screaming at me that this isn't how I am.. that this is wrong and I /know/ that I'm not... that no reason or logic is behind this emotion...

But another part of me that I just can't silence screams back... and pretty violently... about how terrible of a person I am...

and I don't get it... no medication works... no home remedies work... nothing fixes this... I hit these lows... and... it sometimes takes months to get out of them...

It is times like these... when I'm so... shattered that I remind myself why I want people happy - So that they never have to feel the crushing weight of their own mind tearing themselves apart...

I just...

To anyone out there... to everyone of the few watchers I have... to everyone that watches you and to everyone you watch...

If you need someone to make you smile... to have a joke with.. to just... feel better...

I'm here. I know what a crushing low feels like and Damnit, I don't want to let anyone else feel this for as long or as often as I do...

Please...

Let me make the world a better place in any way that I can, even something as simple as making one person smile...