working the night shift at work has been.... rather barren.

I would think its the nights that end up with me being so lonely. i come home to enjoy solitude, peace, and quiet. But what is it when theres no one to enjoy it with?

the past week has been quiet. very quiet. for the days i have off i end it just as the same. they all seem to blur into one and i want to talk to people but im so anxious that I will freak people out, make a fool of myself. or just make myself look like a total douche. Ive sometimes talked to people and it seems they don't reply at all. i feel like im going insane. i know they are my friends, i know that they are kind people. but i cant shake the feeling like someone out there is spreading rumors or something. i feel stupid, I feel sorry, I feel sad, and above all nothing seems to cheer me up. fuck me

ill even ask for an opinion and end up feeling like the question falls on deaf ears. nothing happens, nothing reacts, im nothing but a ghost. I don't know what to do.

even as I sit writing this next to my friend, ive never felt so shitty im my life