Nah don't say thing like that. If see your brother as a role-model that's fine buddy.
See it as an opportunity to improve yourself :)

I really am trying to improve myself, I just always find myself back to this depressed state

*hugs the shit out of you*

*hugs*

Use the elements that you see in both Shepard and your brother. Let them guide you into becoming your own unique version of yourself! I used to want to just do the same exact things that my friends did on DA actually! That didn't work out too well, so I decided that I should just be me! I left DA and joined FA and started developing my own flow of things! Trust me, being you is always better than being someone else!

Maybe I need to go back to being my raptor fursona, that fursona creation was something I made and based from myself, I need to be my own person and having a fursona based from a fictional character is not me

Try it out and see how you feel about it! And never feel bad about yourself, it just makes life harder!

Well, I think you need to look at the comments here again: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4875658/

Also, you don't need to post up here, you know you have a lot of friends who are happy to listen when you get like this. You just need to talk to them and ask for the help before posting up public journals that you usually regret later. As much as we want to help you, you have to let us, and try to break old habits~

Also, you;re no where near as bad as you say you are. You know that.

This, this and so fucking much this.

I should of read that before posting, I'm sorry you are right I should of talked to my friends first, I don't know why I feel the need to post journals when I get bad, just feeling like I'm losing everyone around me, but people who care about me, especially you are always there for me when I get like this, and it means so much to me, I'm sorry I let you down again by posting this stupid journal...

Post shit whenever you want if that helps you ;)

You made me smile even when it was raining cats and dogs. There were poodles all over the road. ;)