Hey everyone I know that I have not done vary much on FA. I just got done visiting my husband earlier this week and for a moment I felt a part of my dream coming true but when I had to leave my depression hit me because I have one mane dream that I really want and that is to have my family together and when I say family I mean my husband and my sons. I am longing/hunger for that day to come where I can feel and see it. The problem I am not able to do is wright now because I am still look for an OTR job so I can get things move allot better cause I would be able to do my home time to where I want to move to and I am busting my ass off. So I can see this dream to happen I am hopping to have this dream with in the next 3-6 mo. I hope but its all hanging from a tread right now because I just cant get a OTR job because Swift is still securing me over after 3.5 yr. ago Tomorrow I hope I get some good news from one of the company that I applied for. I am still trying to hang in there (sons I am sorry that I have not been on skype I just did not want my depression to affect you guys too.) I have not eaten anything over 48 hrs now but tonight I had something to eat and it was just only a small bole of macaroni and cheese. I think one of the reasons why I am writing this is because I need to get off my chest and I just want to cry allot now because of the reasons I just said. There are times when I go out side and stand on my porch and just hope that moon and starts are the same as what my sons and husband are seeing just like the song Some Where Out There I know its lame but for some reason I feel closer to my family when I am out side also it give me a chance for me to be alone. I am sorry for anyone that reads this and they feel like that I have no reason to be feeling this way. You guys maybe right but you know what I am still trying hard to get my self together and most of the time it only last for maybe a day or two but this is different. Just because I had a glimpse of the future with my husband and also one of my sons that I got to recently was able to visit for a week made it possible for me to see what to expect. For thank you son. I think I am done now and I love all of you.