I'm contemplating a major change, as hinted above. It's something that's been on my mind for awhile, and is the reason I've been so absent lately. Not just the last couple of weeks, but for the better part of a year now. The last thing I want to do is further offend my remaining friends and supporters, though, so I figure it's only right that I let you guys have your say in the matter.

I really messed up with the -VST- a year ago. I made a conscious decision to violate my own principle and place a priority (in this case money) over the audience. I disrespected you as fans, as viewers, and as people. Even though this is the first time I can ever recall compromising one of my core moral values in such a deliberate way, it nevertheless doesn't matter. Once is all you need to lose your integrity, and I have justifiably lost all of mine to many of you. I've already apologized for this and I will continue to do so, undoubtedly the rest of my life, but I know I can not ask for forgiveness. What I did was unforgivable as an artist, violating the central unwritten contract of respect between the creator and his audience, and everything I do from here on out should appropriately be tainted by that act.

That knowledge sent me into a depression, first purely out of personal grief from my own conscience, and recently because circumstances revealed this issue is indeed far from over and will likely never be resolved. My productivity has clearly suffered because of this, as has my connection to the community. Most of the time I can barely face the few furry sites and chatrooms I visit, because the shame is so great, and if it were a choice I could make I would leave the community entirely as penalty for my foolish arrogance. But I can't. I have too strong of a connection to it, no matter how badly I've abused it. I still feel the need to contribute, if only now to try to overcome the great deal of harm I've done, but the stress of facing the consequences of this action is often too great for me to properly motivate myself to actually move on.

I tried to move on with Gank. I put a great deal of effort into it, and I tried to make it something everybody could enjoy. A lasting legacy to the community that would offset my other despicable one, but its resounding failure proved that even though I have a lot I still wish to give, there is nothing left I can offer you. You don't want to see anything I make. You don't want to participate in anything I do. You want nothing to do with me. And I can not blame you. I've ruined my reputation and I deserve all the neglect I get, and then some. But that doesn't mean I can take it any longer.

It may be cowardly to make a secret new account. To start over again with a new name, new face, and potential new audience. It's possibly the most cliche of 'furry drama' moves there is, right up there with stealing art or appearing on Tosh.0 to do a furry yiff party sketch. But to me it seems like the only credible option: I can't leave the community, but I can't continue to post art on this account because I've betrayed everybody that follows it and it's now marked with the black paw print of exile. By making a new account, free entirely from relation to my mistake, I can at least continue to participate in the community. At least people will actually look at and comment on my artwork again. If I have to scrub clean my entire identity, deleting all my characters and abandoning all my previous creations, just start over new without the stigma of a traitor it's worth it. I will gladly pay that harsh a penalty just so the community will give me a chance to entertain it once again. To live in anonymity and obscurity, unrecognized by past viewers and even fans, just so that they may in passing look at my work again free of negative context. It's all I want, and it's certainly a privilege I will never abuse again.

I won't do anything that drastic without giving the few of you who have stuck around a chance to speak their minds, though. Let me know what you think about this idea or this situation in the comments below. If you have other suggestions please bring them up. I'll do anything I can to repair my image at this point, but I just don't see how it's possible. And once again, I'm sorry for what I've done. I don't want to be the one that causes drama, but like it or not I am. I've kept it all to myself for the better part of a year now, and it's eaten me up inside. I have the drama in me whether I want it or not, it's in my furry blood, so maybe bloodletting is in order from time to time. I know by nature of me saying this here that none of the people I have irrevocably wronged will respond, that's the nature of being shunned, but any comment from the community at all at this point will help me fix this mess. It will at least help me heal myself and finally move on, whether on this account or elsewhere.