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Me and my silly romantic/sexual side
12 years ago
Okay, so I’m tired and a bit sad, so this may be a little incoherent. Bear with me. I might also not explain everything as well as I want to. But I’ve been needing to let this out for a long time. I doubt anyone’s gonna bother reading this, but this is something I need to finally be completely open about.
Firstly, as you guys know, I’m currently single. I can’t handle being single, though. It’s just not right for me. I feel so much better when I’m living for someone. What do I mean by that?
When I’m in a relationship, I feel an overwhelming urge to bring joy to my significant other. And not just to the extent that other lovers feel that urge. The urge is much more powerful to me. I never knew I liked romance until I saw how happy it can make the other person, and now I can’t get enough of romance. It gets to the point where I’d be perfectly happy and perfectly satisfied just living for them (as long as the love is mutual, I mean. I don’t want to simply be used..).
Now, I will say that this urge does have it’s sexual sides. I admit that the concept of a mistress giving me commands is… incredibly, INCREDIBLY sexy to me. In fact, if you’re in a relationship and you give me a command that’s pretty much gonna make me melt on the spot and say “Yes, ma’am!”
However, it’s much deeper than a mere fetish. It’s something I feel as an emotional need as well as a sexual one. Because to me, it just feels right that my relationships should work that way. If I love a person, why should I not serve them? Why should I not be constantly looking for ways to bring them happiness? Especially when I get so much joy simply my seeing their smile, and even more when I know that I put that smile there?
The thing is, a lot of women seem uncomfortable with that. They’re used to society telling them that THEY should be the more submissive one in the relationship. I know without a doubt that this is a big part of why my last relationship ended. But it’s not something I can bottle up, and it almost seems to put off most women. So if I’m ever going to live happily, I need to find someone who doesn’t mind having her man be… well… HERS. If you know what I mean=P
But I’ve been trying to find women like that. I’ve tried dating sites (OkCupid being the main one), I’ve tried Fetlife, (and from what I’ve gathered, this type of stuff tends to be hard to find outside of Fetlife these days.). No luck. I don’t know if I’m doing something wrong, though. And none of my friends have been able to give advice, nor do any of them know people who can help. I’m on my own.
And I know what you might say. That I shouldn’t be searching for the “perfect woman”. But I’m not. All I’m looking for is a woman who is open to being served. A woman who either likes that idea or could grow to like it. And even then, I don’t instantly want to become their lover. I wanna become their friend. And then see if love ignites. If it doesn’t I still have a cool new friend. But if it does, then I couldn’t even express how valuable that person would become to me!
Until then, I’ve got this nagging urge to please someone, yet no one to please. I feel empty. Very empty. But as I mentioned before, I currently have no one who can help me here. I’ve never felt so lonely.
Realistically, I know not many people pay me much heed. So if you read this far, thank you. It means a lot. If anyone can help, it would mean more to me than I can express.
Firstly, as you guys know, I’m currently single. I can’t handle being single, though. It’s just not right for me. I feel so much better when I’m living for someone. What do I mean by that?
When I’m in a relationship, I feel an overwhelming urge to bring joy to my significant other. And not just to the extent that other lovers feel that urge. The urge is much more powerful to me. I never knew I liked romance until I saw how happy it can make the other person, and now I can’t get enough of romance. It gets to the point where I’d be perfectly happy and perfectly satisfied just living for them (as long as the love is mutual, I mean. I don’t want to simply be used..).
Now, I will say that this urge does have it’s sexual sides. I admit that the concept of a mistress giving me commands is… incredibly, INCREDIBLY sexy to me. In fact, if you’re in a relationship and you give me a command that’s pretty much gonna make me melt on the spot and say “Yes, ma’am!”
However, it’s much deeper than a mere fetish. It’s something I feel as an emotional need as well as a sexual one. Because to me, it just feels right that my relationships should work that way. If I love a person, why should I not serve them? Why should I not be constantly looking for ways to bring them happiness? Especially when I get so much joy simply my seeing their smile, and even more when I know that I put that smile there?
The thing is, a lot of women seem uncomfortable with that. They’re used to society telling them that THEY should be the more submissive one in the relationship. I know without a doubt that this is a big part of why my last relationship ended. But it’s not something I can bottle up, and it almost seems to put off most women. So if I’m ever going to live happily, I need to find someone who doesn’t mind having her man be… well… HERS. If you know what I mean=P
But I’ve been trying to find women like that. I’ve tried dating sites (OkCupid being the main one), I’ve tried Fetlife, (and from what I’ve gathered, this type of stuff tends to be hard to find outside of Fetlife these days.). No luck. I don’t know if I’m doing something wrong, though. And none of my friends have been able to give advice, nor do any of them know people who can help. I’m on my own.
And I know what you might say. That I shouldn’t be searching for the “perfect woman”. But I’m not. All I’m looking for is a woman who is open to being served. A woman who either likes that idea or could grow to like it. And even then, I don’t instantly want to become their lover. I wanna become their friend. And then see if love ignites. If it doesn’t I still have a cool new friend. But if it does, then I couldn’t even express how valuable that person would become to me!
Until then, I’ve got this nagging urge to please someone, yet no one to please. I feel empty. Very empty. But as I mentioned before, I currently have no one who can help me here. I’ve never felt so lonely.
Realistically, I know not many people pay me much heed. So if you read this far, thank you. It means a lot. If anyone can help, it would mean more to me than I can express.
I don't know if anything has changed for you, I see this entry was a while ago, but...
This is what happened for me - I actually met my mate on this site. Never seen them before I came here. Our common interest was in art styles and subjects, and slowly we found out more about each other that way.
But it wouldn't have happened without the common interest in artwork, so, maybe you could try this:
Search for something you have interest in, in art, or that your potential mate may have interest in - for instance, "dominant females", and see if it was in fact a dominant female who drew it. If it was, then maybe you could send a note with some of the details you have here =3
The idea is that the more you have in common interests in artwork, the more likely your other interests will also match.
I have no idea if that will work, its not what I was trying to do when I met my mate, but that is how it happened. I have been in this lonely place before and I hate to see that happening to someone else, so just wanted to try to help some way. I hope this suggestion didn't sound totally stupid ^^;;