This journal is pretty much a vent and a short blurb about my ascension to self awareness.

I have posted a journal here before about my baby Riven, and how she's sick. She's a white rat who will find any way she can to get inside of your shirt and cuddle with you. She loves warm baths and Goji berries, but she's been sick for the better part, if not her whole life.

I am seeing a counsellor in the town I'm living in currently, and I have seen counsellors before, But none are like Muriel. I'm not sure if many people know this about me but I have awful anxiety and self loathing. I could only ever see the bad in myself, and it all seemed hopeless. I had an appointment with her today, and It's left me feeling better than I have in a long time. I talked to her about Riven, and why my universe gave her to me, and the more we talked about it, the more it became clear; that Riven is my friend because the way that I care for her is a reminder of my compassion. It seems to be such a small thing when I try to see it from a stranger's perspective. In my world it's a huge reminder that I do have good qualities, people don't see me as anything less than human (or furry :3). Realizing this helps me shed these heavy feelings that weigh me down that aren't true. Think of it like a backpack full of cans of soup, and all the soup cans are different feelings like shame, helplessness, fear. Every time someone says or does something to make you feel something negative, you pick up the can they just threw at you! even though it's their damn can of soup you pick it up! My backpack has been full for way too long, but with the help of Riven and my counsellor (and my universe) I'm slowly shedding the weight, and trying my best to let people keep their soup, as well as trying to see the good in me.

This has been the rantings of a fox. c:



<3