ok, i get it. But whats with the EXP? is it an RPG in a book? To clean up the dialog, you need to give the people talking character. like so...
The one who is anger'd will be ohh... FEMALE... for jealosy and reason. The medic.. will be Male, for compassion and emotion. Female's name... Kyria a friend of the Male Character who is also a medic. Male's name is Kakius a prided young Medic who is acceptionally friendly and strong willed. (this is just an example... don't think im taking what you'r working on and making it my own...)

“She’s dangerous!” Shouted Kyria as she pointed at the limp body Kakius had layed on the ground. The Small cottage was empty if not for a few oak chairs that sat in the corner of the dusty room and a small dead mouse. It was almost Dusk outside and Kyria was getting hungry. She hated when Kakius went out of his way to help those she felt didn't need help.

“She hasn’t even woken up since I brought her in” Kakius said, in a kind mellow tone. He was fasinated by what he had found. A female demon with the looks of any normal human. He wondered what was it that made her look that way. He shifted to get a better look at her wounds and Kyria began again with her yelling.

“And what will you do when she wakes up said Kyria, She is a demon and needs to be killed!" Her blood boiled as Kakius chuckeld.

“Well for a demon she looks pretty human, maybe your just being paranoid because you know nothing about her” Kakius knew very well what he had in his possesion. Strangly attracted to her aura he drew closer to her face, he could feel her soft breathing escaping her mouth and nostrals, indicating she was still alive.

“I know those injuries were caused by a light blade, those are only used against demons” Kyria said, now furious that Kakius wont dispose of the demon. She dare not make a move for Kakius is her supurior and would strike her down if she tried to harm whom ever he was trying to hospitalize.

“There have been times when they have been wrong and killed humans by mistakes!!” Rebuted Kakius, a slight smirk shown apon his face revealed his peral white teeth. He began to work her wounds, smiling all the way and feeling the tension between his partner Kyria made him smile ever more.


(like i said... i don't know much, but thats what you need to do... explain whats going on, becuase what you had was very bland... Give visuals... sIght, taste, sound, feel, emotion... all of that. :D
hope that helped.

>=3 i did something about the talking while working on my next section. theres no names used during that little bit of talking b/c you dont know the names yet.

ill be uploading the changes i made once im back at my house but its not much

its just some small talk between the medic and the girl.


the idea was to have them talk like characters would in some of the old games. name in front of what they were saying. XD


its a work in progress and its kinda a test run of writing in this style.

hmm.. its very intresting for sure.. It'll take some finease thats for sure. good luck with it. :D Im sure the Old school gamers would get a kick out of the writing style.

i know >=3 well i hope o.o

n ty ^.^