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An explanation to my commissioners...(why all the delays)
12 years ago
It's way past time I finally sat down and discussed this with you (those who are waiting on art from me mainly), but also an explanation to why things were delayed in the past.
I've been suffering from depression for years now. I've never gone for help with it until spring of this year. Last year was pretty tough for me, but this year, especially right now, it's gotten to that point where it's just completely out of control, my control.
I moved to Savannah, GA to return to SCAD in January. I thought this was what I wanted, and I was enjoying being back in the art class rooms. I took on a couple suit commissions while down there to work on over this year during my freetime from class and homework. Then, one of my favorite family members passed away my first semester down there as soon as I moved. It threw me right into the fire. I wasn't free from depression at that point, but the death in the family really gave me a turn for the worse. There are many other factors to my depression, but because of it, all progress on fursuits and artwork was brought to a grinding halt. Most days I could barely even get myself out of bed.
I ended up going to Therapy and a Psychiatrist that the school offered (to talk about other things as well that have been causing me stress, anxiety and depression). They put me on medication, it helped me with all the feels, and it made me a bit more productive. With SCAD's Psychiatrist, you can only see him a few times until you have to go find one your own. I didn't have medical insurance, or the money to do so, so I couldn't find another one (SCAD's was free). Not being able to see him any longer meant I couldn't continue to get my medication. I ended up weening myself from it, which made me ill for a months.
To top it off, the place we were renting by that time...we ended up having to leave. My roommate lost his job and I couldn't keep covering two of us. So...we both moved back home. I'm back with my mom for the time being.
The move back home, I had packed my car full and I moved back with help from
. The move ended up ruining all the foam I had to work with for suit commissions. Which isn't cheap when you're as broke as I am. Any money I get in now goes straight to bills and paying off debt. When I moved back home, I was so behind in bills. My mom ended up bailing me out and paid off my overdue stuff. So literally, right now, while I'm still getting back on my feet, everything is going to bills until I get ahead of them (which is gradually happening). I'm re-buying all the lost supplies, but it's still hard to get caught up when all I can do is buy a few things here and a few things there.
More recently my depression has gotten so bad that all I can do is think of ending it. I finally sat down with my mom about my depression a few weeks ago. She's the first of my family to know I've even been this depressed. She was shocked to say the least, and while progress is going slow, she intends to help me find someone who can help me once I get insurance through the state.
Well..I guess I got all that out. I'm sure there's more to say, but writing this has skyrocketed my anxiety and I can't think of anything else to say on the matter.
---
"..So, where do your current commissioners stand?"
At this point in my life, all I want to do is try and take back the reins. So, I've set up a schedule for myself that I will vigorously try to keep to.
MWF from 9-5 will be suit work
TTh from 9-5 will be artwork
Anytime after 5pm I'll either work on more artwork, or personal work/projects.
The weekends I plan to give myself off
Suit work will work as such:
I cannot do convention deadlines at this point. I hope this doesn't make any of my current commissioners angry, but to reduce my stress and anxiety it's best I remove convention deadlines. I really hope you understand..
What I will do, is work on one suit per month from my list (there's only a few on it right now anyway) and just focus on that one suit and whatever artwork I have on my schedule.
"So what month will me suit be done?"
November
1. Darkenwolf - Body
2. Aardwolfgen - Arms
December
1. Kavi - Partial
2. Therian - Arms and Feet
3. Rook - Hands and arms
January
1. Hedgehog - Fullsuit
2. Kashmere - Head
February
1. Tabby Cat - Fullsuit
March
1. Cooperfaust - Fullsuit
2. TJ Otter - Partial
---
Anyways..I guess I'm done.
I've been suffering from depression for years now. I've never gone for help with it until spring of this year. Last year was pretty tough for me, but this year, especially right now, it's gotten to that point where it's just completely out of control, my control.
I moved to Savannah, GA to return to SCAD in January. I thought this was what I wanted, and I was enjoying being back in the art class rooms. I took on a couple suit commissions while down there to work on over this year during my freetime from class and homework. Then, one of my favorite family members passed away my first semester down there as soon as I moved. It threw me right into the fire. I wasn't free from depression at that point, but the death in the family really gave me a turn for the worse. There are many other factors to my depression, but because of it, all progress on fursuits and artwork was brought to a grinding halt. Most days I could barely even get myself out of bed.
I ended up going to Therapy and a Psychiatrist that the school offered (to talk about other things as well that have been causing me stress, anxiety and depression). They put me on medication, it helped me with all the feels, and it made me a bit more productive. With SCAD's Psychiatrist, you can only see him a few times until you have to go find one your own. I didn't have medical insurance, or the money to do so, so I couldn't find another one (SCAD's was free). Not being able to see him any longer meant I couldn't continue to get my medication. I ended up weening myself from it, which made me ill for a months.
To top it off, the place we were renting by that time...we ended up having to leave. My roommate lost his job and I couldn't keep covering two of us. So...we both moved back home. I'm back with my mom for the time being.
The move back home, I had packed my car full and I moved back with help from
. The move ended up ruining all the foam I had to work with for suit commissions. Which isn't cheap when you're as broke as I am. Any money I get in now goes straight to bills and paying off debt. When I moved back home, I was so behind in bills. My mom ended up bailing me out and paid off my overdue stuff. So literally, right now, while I'm still getting back on my feet, everything is going to bills until I get ahead of them (which is gradually happening). I'm re-buying all the lost supplies, but it's still hard to get caught up when all I can do is buy a few things here and a few things there.More recently my depression has gotten so bad that all I can do is think of ending it. I finally sat down with my mom about my depression a few weeks ago. She's the first of my family to know I've even been this depressed. She was shocked to say the least, and while progress is going slow, she intends to help me find someone who can help me once I get insurance through the state.
Well..I guess I got all that out. I'm sure there's more to say, but writing this has skyrocketed my anxiety and I can't think of anything else to say on the matter.
---
"..So, where do your current commissioners stand?"
At this point in my life, all I want to do is try and take back the reins. So, I've set up a schedule for myself that I will vigorously try to keep to.
MWF from 9-5 will be suit work
TTh from 9-5 will be artwork
Anytime after 5pm I'll either work on more artwork, or personal work/projects.
The weekends I plan to give myself off
Suit work will work as such:
I cannot do convention deadlines at this point. I hope this doesn't make any of my current commissioners angry, but to reduce my stress and anxiety it's best I remove convention deadlines. I really hope you understand..
What I will do, is work on one suit per month from my list (there's only a few on it right now anyway) and just focus on that one suit and whatever artwork I have on my schedule.
"So what month will me suit be done?"
November
1. Darkenwolf - Body
2. Aardwolfgen - Arms
December
1. Kavi - Partial
2. Therian - Arms and Feet
3. Rook - Hands and arms
January
1. Hedgehog - Fullsuit
2. Kashmere - Head
February
1. Tabby Cat - Fullsuit
March
1. Cooperfaust - Fullsuit
2. TJ Otter - Partial
---
Anyways..I guess I'm done.
All I can currently offer while sitting on my lunch break is a gigantic internet hug <3 Give me a big smile, and wipe away any tears. You aren't alone, you don't need to suffer alone. <3
-huggles Tikky-
I have faith that you can beat this.
Done this.
Depression is nothing to ignore.
It's a very good thing you told your mom.
It's important for someone close to know.
Things will get better. Even if you think you know they won't.
The only bad thing about all this is, Everyone who's
gone though depression/ anxiety and whatnot have a
hard time explaining it to another suffering friend
how they got out of it.. because really it's YOU who
pull yourself out.
You can only leave this situation a stronger person.
You'll be ok.