so I started working a new job on Wednesday. You'd think I'd be happy to finally be working, but really I'm not.. not because I don't like working or anything. I enjoy my job and I'm glad that I'm not unemployed anymore. but starting a new job and going through one of the roughest break ups of my life all in one week is just nearly unbearable..

I'm just absolutely devastated over losing the man that I love with all of my heart. and the worst part is knowing that he's hurting too, and that it's my fault.. He was always there for me, even before he and I got together. He was always the one I turned to when I needed a shoulder to cry on or someone to comfort me. He's such a wonderful man and was always so good to me. and in the end I took him for granted.. and I regret that. He's the best lover I've ever had and the best friend I've ever had, and theres nothing that can replace that.

I feel as though a part of me is missing, and I suppose that in a way, there is. If you end up reading this, Richard, I'm so sorry for what I've done to you and I regret it with every last part of me.